Fuck You Very Much: Hot Naked Undead, Age Three, Farts, and Bitches.

Fuck You Sookie Stackhouse,

For causing me to neglect house and children and blog duties.

Since I cracked open that first book two weeks ago, I've been on a sexy vampire-werewolf-shapeshifter-faerie-demon-witch bender. 

I only have two more to go.  I should be finished by this time tomorrow.

I'd heard of the show, True Blood, but even after reading a few books, didn't care much to watch the show until:

Thank You Rolling Stone,

For this:

Uhhhhh. What was I saying?

Yeah, hitting eBay ASAP to purchase the three seasons that I've missed.  And convincing husband that we NEED HBO.

Andalsostockinguponbatterieswhat?


Thank You Stupid Jumpy House Place That Just Opened Up In Fucking Mall;

For the fact that you're called; PUMP AND JUMP, 'cause I'm a fourth grader and that makes me snicker. 

And for the two hours of exercise and entertainment you provided for my soon to be second grader yesterday as it poured buckets of rain outside.

Fuck You AGE THREE,

For screaming and crying and whining and pulling on me for two solid hours, as apparently AGE THREE cannot recognize a jumping good time if it is bouncing in her fucking face.

Thank You Marinated Steak Thingies That Husband Convinced Owen To Try Last Night,

Now I can add another food to the former tube fed child's culinary repertoire.  It still amazes me that he'll eat anything at all.  Now he's eating things that I won't go near.

Fuck You Product Of Red Meat Digestion,

For making me miss the smell of dead skunk that has finally vacated my car as my son farted non stop for an hour today causing near asphyxiation and likely brain damage to himself, myself, and three year old demon sister.

Fuck You Mapquest;

For again giving me useless fucking directions with roads that don't exist in towns I'm not familiar with as I try to calm anxious Deaf kid about visiting new school.

Thank You Anxious Deaf Kid,

For being so nerved up about visiting new school that we left WAY too early, thus giving ample time to get fucking lost.

Also Thank You BlackBerry;

For being so damn cute and handy and getting us to new school before any real bawling ensued.

Fuck You Secretary Bitch At New School;

For barely looking up from filing cabinet to answer my question;

"Could you please tell us where the orientation for the Deaf program is?"

with;

"In the cafeteria."

On Second Thought, Thank You Secretary Bitch;

For allowing me to get my snark on and come back at you with;

"Does it not stand to reason that since we're here for orientation, we may not know where the cafeteria is?"

Fuck You Beloved Children Of Mine;

For insisting that we visit the playground on the way home from new school visit as I was tired and cranky and hot and really needing a glass of wine water.
 
Thank You Beloved Children Of Mine;
 
For this: