Wednesday, April 11, 2012

D-Bag Rag.

Within any group of people, I always assume that I'm the biggest jerk.

So it surprised me a couple years ago, when Owen's friends' Mommies said they were skipping classmate Jay's birthday party because his mother is so hard to take.

She really is. 

But it isn't Jay's fault. So for the past two years, Owen has been the ONLY kid at Jay's party.  The only one.

This past weekend was Jay's party. 

And I managed to not tell Jay's mother off.

I told his grandmother off instead. 

About so many things.  Like their school using 'Too much sign language'.  Seriously. She's angry about this. I did ask her if she was aware of the educational model which the school follows.  She was not.

Also making her angry is Jay's speech. Which I think is fantastic for a kid who was denied any form of communication until he was THREE years old. 

There was more. A lot more. I sort of lost it on her.

But. In my defense, I'm fairly certain she is too stupid to realize she was being told off.

Because after I finished with her?

She had me interpret for Jay.


So. I refer to Owen as Deaf Kid all the time.  And his friends are the 'Pack of Deaf kids'.

'Cause that's what they are.

And people think I'm a jerk;

"Awwwww, come on. That's not nice."

Which just cracks me up.

A couple weeks ago, Owen was home sick.  I emailed his Deaf teacher.  She emailed back;

"There are eight Deaf kids out with the same thing!"

I love jerks.


Friend Sally gave Bea a bag of shoes that her daughter Mya had outgrown.

Bea's favorite pair are sweet strappy pink sandals which she was wearing the other day when Sally picked her up for a play date.

Mya threw a little fit about the sandals, whining and crying about wanting them back and it's no fair and so on...

Sally; "Mya, please stop.  They don't fit you any more. And you don't want to make Bea feel bad do you?"

Bea;  "I don't feel bad."



I finally caved.

After two months of watching Al fondle his own nightly, I caved.

And got myself an iPhone. Of course I fucking love the thing.

Though I do miss those cute little Blackberry buttons.

One teensy complaint; I wasn't allowed to simply grab a song from my iTunes and make it my ring tone.

And I'm quite attached to my ring tone.

So my first order of business was finding an app that would give me back my ring tone.

'Cause it's the best ring tone ever:




  1. I always love your posts -- and this one is sort of simpatico with my recent one about things I hate. I hope you'll leave a comment and a list -- if you're so inclined.

    Bea sounds fantastic.

  2. Why must people assume honesty and jerk belong in the same category?
    No worries over here.

  3. I went and read that link. On top of this? What a family of ass hats. I bet your heart is just breaking for Jay. How awful must it be to be in their hands???

    I love Bea's attitude. So you.

    I just knew, after reading that Al was fondling his, you were going to say you'd gotten a strap-on. But an iPhone is cool too.

  4. I always worry about birthday parties. So far I've taken my kids to the ones they've been invited to. And I like how I said 'kids' because Joey hasn't been invited to any :( Which makes me sad. Isabella has been invited to two this year, which is okay. At least she got invited to two, right?!

    We invited 3 kids from Joey's classroom to his party (next Saturday) and I am praying and crossing my fingers they come. I'm worried nobody will come.

    We'll see.....right?

  5. I swear some people should not be allowed to reproduce....saying they use too much sign language...define too much? gah! good for you putting her in her place, too bad she was too dense to get it! Its a shame her son has to suffer cause mom is a gowl!

  6. you can get your ring tone- not sure how hubby did it and it took two years but I got my ring tone back- it's Beck, Girl.

  7. Good on you for telling that old biddy off. Jayzus. What kind of asshatery goes on over there?!

  8. Freaking awesome!!!

    All of it.

    Just awesome.

  9. Okay, bear with me while I digress here. Because when you said you love your fucking iPhone, albeit begrudgingly, I flashed on a recent conversation with one of my best friends who is currently going through a divorce.

    From the bad kind of jerk.

    You see for years, she wanted to get breast implants. Why? I don't know. But she did and whatever. Her husband refused to *let* her (even though she works full time and brings in money but) he went on and on about how he liked her "natural."

    So. When she caught him in a full-blown, long-term affair with a woman who had GIANT breast implants, she went ahead and got them herself. In a smaller, more tasteful size.

    She and I met up recently and she was telling me about how he's begging to come back (of course) and can't stop telling her how beautiful she is. All the time.

    So I said, "What does he think about the rack?"

    She paused. Looked me right in the eye and said, "Oh he loves them....the fucker."


    That WAS the most awesome ringtone ever and I'm sorry for this random story. But your post made me smile and also reminded me that some people are awesome.

    They just are.

  10. I don't post it enough, but I LOVE your blog. When I get the email that there's a new post I get giddy!!!
    You are a great mom!!!! And a GREAT entertainer!!!
    Thanks for the morning giggle!!

  11. The process to convert something from iTunes to a ring tone isn't all that complex . . . I did it not too long ago (I actually spent a whole weekend picking out the best 20-30 second segments of key songs and turning them into ringtones). I'll dig up the instructions & send them to you . . . or, if there's a favorite part of the song that you want to have included, let me know & I'll just convert it.

    I actually see nothing jerky about your actions -- I really think the asshole move is to be nice to an asshole -- otherwise, they never know just how horrible that they are.

    And I love your daughter.

  12. That song makes me happy and feel like dancing. You're right. Best ring tone ever.

  13. That mother is an arsehole. So's her family. Poor little boy!

    I wonder if it would help them if someone actually set out a few of the basic 'how not to be a total dick to your Deaf child' ideas, on paper?

    "We tap people gently on the arm or shoulder to get their attention as saying someone's name may not be heard."
    "We use sign language as our primary means of communication so that our ability to communicate is not controlled by the amount of background noise or the level of our lipreading skills."

    Also, how the fuck is referring to Deaf kids as Deaf in some way offensive? It's a FACT.

    I'm disabled. I am a disabled person. In the disabled people's movement we often use 'crip' as politicised, reclaimed shorthand for 'a disabled person' (there are parallels in the black and queer communities, amongst others - take a few of the nastiest words, take them, make them our own). This leads, often, to remarks being made such as "cor, there's loads of little crips in here tonight" when at the shopping centre. Little crips, of course, being disabled kids.

    I've heard Deaf friends use 'Deafies' in much the same way.

  14. I love Bea for that. And I still don't have an iPhone. :)

    1. ...and for the record, my teenager has to set my ring tone. He's just, uh, better at it than me. :)

  15. I can't get your ringtone to stop playing, and I have to concede, it's starting to wear on my nerves. Then again, mine is Hallelujah, which is pretty much the opposite song. Oh, now the lady is talking about BlogHer and Amy and Ann are starting From Page to Stage. Well, that'll be a good 75 minutes.

  16. I think I just had a panic attack listening to that.


Use Your Words.