Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sisterhood and Skid Marks



*******

Bea: "Owen. Guess what? I have a sister. A pretend sister. Her name is Aylie and she's Deaf like you!"

Owen: "Awwww. I will be your sister Bea."

*******


Sisterly Love

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I've barely been online in almost two weeks, has been lovely, and I've always sucked at Twatter, yet I've gained followers over there almost daily.

What the fuck people?

You know what my first Tweet ever was?

"Why do I smell the brown stains?"

Really. Stop following me.

*******

As evidenced by profound skidmarkage on Owen's underoos, I questioned his arse wiping practices one day as I heard the toilet flush;

"Owen, did you wipe your butt?"

"I know I know I know!"

"Well did you?"

"I said I know! I wipe already!!"

"Did you really?"

"I said I DID!!"

"Are you lying?"

"YES!!!!"

*******

I'm in the kitchen, Al is doing yard work, and the kids are playing outside.

Owen comes in the house, talking to himself;

"Can't hear Bea nope. Can't hear Bea talking why? Daddy using the Grass Vacuum. Yup. Daddy using the Grass Vacuum so I can't hear Bea."

And from that day forward, the WeedWhacker shall be known as the Grass Vacuum.

*******

Methinks it is time to enroll the Elefanten sisters in some dance classes, as elder sister is showing some mad potential no?



And this is a rare occasion when I will allow one to feel pity for me. I am forced to endure this horrific Kidzbop version of this cheestastic song so loudly, I'm surprised the neighbors haven't complained.

At least he can't hear me laughing at him.

*******

Bea and Owen finish a race to the door. Because it is important to get to the door first as opening the door is some special privilege even though the fucking thing sticks and the winner almost always needs my help with the actual opening.

Bea wins.

Owen is pissed;

"I not your sister anymore Bea."

*******

41 comments:

  1. Oh my GOD!!! The JAZZ HANDS!

    Soul sista.

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  2. Owen truly has it. Dance like no one is watching. I love it, great reminder to sometimes just be a kid.

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  3. Your kids make me happy.

    Missed your bitchy self, but I get the absence.

    I don't have a sister but I assume Owen has it down.

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  4. Awesome post. Skid marks: what the hell? Why must we REMIND our sons to wipe? I like to repeat to myself, over and over, when faced with such stuff: I went to college. I went to college. I went to college.

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  5. It's like... Riverdance meets The Robot. It's perfection.

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  6. Sister's got some fantastic dance skills. That was quite a choreography. I think we can overlook a little skidz on his tutus.

    I have to train my youngest to wipe his own tush before preK starts in August. I'm not expecting to see clean undies again for another 10 years.

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  7. Yours are the only kids (other than mine) I actually enjoy watching.

    Shhh! Don't tell the rest of the internet.

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  8. Bwahaha...Owen isn't going to be Beas sister anymore! love it!

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  9. What dance lessons? Owen doesn't need dance lessons. He needs to be a contestant on "So You Think You Can Dance" STAT.

    I'll be Bea's sister. I never had a sister and she sounds like she'd be a great one.

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  10. Mad dancing skillz. Definitely a future there! :)

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  11. Unfollow you? From ANYWHERE?

    Not very likely. I'm afraid you're stuck with me.

    FOR LIFE.

    and such

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  12. Nice to see that Owen is as accomplished a liar as his extra large cousin.

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  13. i love how owen's watching his reflection in the tv! LOL the combination of "riverdance" feet, jazz hands and superhero moves is pretty spectacular! the music...yeah...i'd like to kill the kidzbop people. i've listened to my share of that shit and it's just wrong.

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  14. Owen has way better dancing skills then me. Way, way better, unless of course I've had a few drinks and then I'm a dancing rock star.

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  15. Damn, your kids are awesome.

    But I am pretty sure that you knew that.

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  16. Owen has mad dancing skillz. Totally.

    I laughed at the same parts you did, funnily enough :)

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  17. That has GOT to be the cutest damn thing I've seen in a while! He can go! I was laughin' at your giggles too.

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  18. I feel cheated--I've been paying an ass load of money at Irish Dance to get my daughter to do HALF of what he's doing.

    You laughing in the background is gold, pure GOLD.

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  19. Owen is the perfect little Irish dancing girl...he just needs the flouncy skirt and high socks. With those wicked legs twists and kicks, he's a star.

    As for being a sister, wouldn't it be cooler if Bea would just be his brother? Or would the sheer volume of skid marked underoos overwhelm your day?

    One question...couldn't you just set fire to all things kidsbop? I have taken to letting my little guys listen to all my songs...my 4 year old LOVES 'Little Lion Man' and just glosses over each time it says "Fucked" but I would nod and smile if he said it...music is art right?!

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  20. Let's face it: kids are almost always lying. Or, at least in my house, that's becoming true.

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  21. He's rocking it! And I don't understand the twitter following either. I have nothing interesting to say! (But I follow you, so go figure!)

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  22. I don't think I follow you on twitter= I don't follow people who don't tweet.

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  23. That made my damn day.

    I seriously don't need anything else.

    My kids will come home from school and they'll ask, "Mom. Why are you smiling?"

    And I'll say, "Not because of you."

    (just kidding. love my kids. i'll pretend i'm smiling for them.

    "Are you lying?" YES!)

    p.s. I can imagine Elder Elephantan's dance in a wedding video montage someday...because some chick is going to fall HARD for those sweet moves. And the batman disguise.

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  24. I'm pretty sure they have skidmarks for life, the boys, and skids, just get bigger...ick.

    And I will not unfollow you until I get the official restraining order.

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  25. grass vacuum? I'm using it.

    Hey, why the fuck are there 2 "U"s in vacuum? I blame Dick Cheney. For everything.

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  26. I love these two together.

    Just love it.

    It's like a fairy tale.

    Anyway, it's my hubs who has to be questioned on the underwear debris.

    debris.

    It looks like he hit a deer.

    Basically, how could he wipe and have what I have seen on laundry day????

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  27. I can't find the volume on my laptop to turn it up, but I'm not thinking it will help the dancing.

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  28. Could he be any more frickin awesome? Also, LOVED your laughing.

    And LOVE the pic! So cute those two.

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  29. I think your neighbors are smiling. I am.

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  30. Boggling that even a child would want to SKIP the butt wiping step, isn't it?? Joys of parenthood.

    The dancing is priceless.

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  31. Sisterhood and Skid Marks.

    That's a song title if I ever saw one.

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  32. I can't even comment, the Empress comment has left me in a catatonic state. The HORROR!

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  33. Just one question...
    Where do I get a wicked set of those Batman PJs?
    Pure Awesomeness...

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  34. Owen's interpretive dancing is PURE GENIUS!
    LOVE this one!
    And your laughter (which sounds a LOT like mine) is the cherry on the sundae.
    Thanks for making me lol. (-_-)

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  35. Owen totally has mad skills! I hope he is Bea's sister again. heh. SO sweet.

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  36. I love his moves. We need to somehow organize a flash mob of our kids. They got the mad dance skillz yo.

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  37. Owen's dance moves are significantly better than mine. However after about 30 seconds I had to mute the sound. What a terrible version of an already terrible song. I just can do Kidbop.

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  38. bah! your kid stories are so great. sometimes sweet, and many times hilarious.

    stop sniffing the brown stains. gross!

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  39. We need to start a group. We'll call it "Sisterhood of the Skids." There should be a bleach bottle in our logo. And undies. But not skidded undies, because... well, the bleach. And also, ick.

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  40. I'm hoping that the reason you haven't blogged in a while is because you are "comforting" Jason Mraz over the break-up of his engagement.

    If this is not the case, well, then I just hope everything is okay!

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  41. Love you laughing at the dancing. My son is a total sister too but he likes to wipe, a little too much. I'm concerned.

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