tulpen's list > for sale > household items > sort of.

February vacation has turned my brain into a quivering gelatinous mass barely capable of performing basic functions needed to keep a body alive.

I did not have time/energy/ambition/giveafuck to participate in the memoir meme this week.  I had no intention of participating in the Friday red writing hood meme either.  Until, on the way home from ASL class with Owen tonight, a post wrote itself.

Here's the prompt.

Write a humorous listing for eBay or Craig's List. Talk about the history of the items, why they must go.


*******

For sale or trade.

Has served its owner well for thirty seven years and remains in surprisingly good working order. 

In its younger days it was used to make friends laugh, to give parents attitude, and for several years, to entertain with others like it, each taking a part and combining to produce a lovely whole.

Fourteen years ago, it met a male counterpart, was used to dazzle and woo, and turn that male into a husband.

It began to feel the cold shoulder of neglect soon after the male became the husband.  It would go unnoticed for days, weeks even.  Its owner wondering why she bothered to use it at all.

She took it to work with her, every day.  It would be ignored there too.

When the children appeared, it got taken out more often.  It got louder, and meaner, and more demanding.  But still.  Mostly ignored.

So.  The owner has reached the decision, not a difficult one even, to pass it on to one that might find it of more use.

Her voice.

The lucky owner has learned an alternative form of communication and will be using her hands to express herself from now on.

Her Deaf child will have no trouble with this.  It is thanks to him that she has this opportunity to free herself from the burden of having her words go unheeded day in and day out;

"Do your homework.  Put your toys away.  Don't leave clothes on the floor.  Wash your hands after you pee.  Schedule that vasectomy consult."

Her four year old may have difficulty at first, but she is of at least average intelligence and will catch on quick enough.  If she does not?  Too bad for her.

Her patients at work, with varying levels of Dementia and hearing loss, will not care.  They see a spoon coming at their mouth, they'll open it.  Or they won't.  The possession of a voice does not change that scenario.

The husband will likely not notice that anything has changed.

Serious inquiries only.  All reasonable offers will be considered IE: case of wine, full body massage, 7 minutes in Heaven with Johnny Depp - would all be acceptable trades; all at once if possible.

Caveat Emptor:  Voice may erupt without warning in string of profanities of varying levels of offensiveness and in several languages.

Two for one special this school vacation week!  Owner would gladly part with her hearing as Deaf kid and Muppet sister have fought and shrieked and yelled and screamed to the point that the owner cares not if she ever hears another sound ever again.