Wednesday morning;
"Saturday. We not yet doing something. What we do on Saturday?"
Plan. Go to Enchanted village. See Santa. Christmas laser show.
Owen sees pictures online and approves.
Thirty seconds later. Email. From Deaf kid support group (the ones who put this together).
Join us for Deaf kid party! At The Library! Treats! Games! Santa and Mrs. Claus know how to sign!! This Saturday!!
Me;
"Fuck them. Too late. Short notice. Plans already made."
Al;
"Yup. Fuck 'em. Shoulda sent invite sooner."
Fuck.
Owen sees his school friends outside of school not often enough. And other Deaf kids hardly at all.
Give Owen choice. He picks Deaf kid party. At his favorite place, with his favorite people.
Three days of self talking anticipation;
"Go to library party buddy? Yup! You like library right? All my friends there? Yup! Gonna be fuuuuuuuuuuun!"
Deaf Kid Christmas Party.
Deaf Kid love.
Run around. Wrestle. Superhero powers.
Waits in line to get face painted by 'Santa's Woman'.
His turn!
Santa's Woman stops painting just as he sits down. Time to dance. Music LOUD.
Owen crying.
Kids dancing.
Owen not dancing. Still crying.
Snowball fight! Yay violence!
Everyone joins in. Aim for Santa's Woman's head. I have good aim.
All done snowballs. Santa's Woman announces more face painting!
Owen happy. Races to be first. Sits down.
Santa's Bitch announces special visitor!
But wait. Santa is sick? Santa not coming? Stanley the Stupid Elf coming in his place?
Owen crying.
Me;
"Present for you. Elf have. Need wait a minute."
Wait.
Present!
Owen loves.
Kids play with presents.
Owen licks frosting off of four cupcakes.
Bitch paints his face.
Owen does not let us leave until very last friend has gone.
Head home.
1/4 mile down road. Crying. Screaming. Flailing.
Hulk Mighty Suppository is MIA.
Fuck.
Turn around.
Crawl around party room floor.
Deaf kid Christmas miracle!
Find Hulk bean.
On our way. To liquor store.
Home.
Owen writes note to Bea;
"Rule: Bea can't not play with a beanz. Not play. Not play with her friends. Bea not play you game."
Is a jerk even when not making sense.
Wine.
Posts
Wow, that sounded awesome. I'm sorry I couldn't come with you.
ReplyDeleteWine.
The little girl behind Owen while he's getting his face painted is a riot!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad he enjoyed it with the exception of when he was crying and/or flailing! WINE!
ReplyDeleteDid I mention I am not only a school nurse but a face painter too? No?
Yep.
Favorite line: "bitch paints his face." Well put!
ReplyDeletePS- Mighty Beanz look like a bigger kid version of Weebles. But I much prefer your description.
Santa's Bitch took forever to paint his face. Geez. Thankfully I'm not going to any autism parties. She's got parties all week at school that I can be blissfully absent for.
ReplyDeleteHow big are these Mighty Beanz? My kid hasn't heard of them, but I betcha my nephews have. I'd totally get some for them for Christmas except my younger nephew has a habit of putting things in his mouth (hello, oral fixation) and those look like major choking hazards. (He takes after his mom, my younger sister, who once managed to get an old-school Weeble in her mouth. Also many things up her nose and in her ear canals...)
ReplyDeleteYou're still going to go to the Enchanted Village at some point, right? :-)
I love that you have good aim.
ReplyDelete"Superhero suppositories"
ReplyDeleteSee, I knew these Mighty Bean thingies looked like something....I just couldn't quite place WHAT. But you nailed it!
That party sounded like a good case for driving directly to the liquor store. Wonder how the other one was?
Thanks for the video gold.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, the Santa Bitch had it coming. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteSide note, why don't kid parties serve *adult* beverages? They know we need them!
Too funny! But at least you found the superhero suppository. Lol
ReplyDeleteEvery kid outing ends in wine.
ReplyDeleteSweet baby cheeses....I am stressed the fuck out just from reading that!
ReplyDeleteBless your liquored up heart.
Santa's bitch... I'm going to remember that one..
ReplyDeleteShorthand. Awesome. Loved it. "Bean the Santa Bitch" new holiday tradition. Fun! Gonna start new tradition at work. Psychotic residents will annihilate nurses. Good times!
ReplyDeleteDude. Sounds like a fucking awesome time.
ReplyDeleteBooze.
Oh God, I think I'd have to be liquored up before even going.
ReplyDeleteOh please Lord, give me money to have a nanny to take my kid to these things, a nanny with a video camera and a wicked arm. Bean the bitch indeed.
Well, if he loved it then it was worth it. I kept hoping you'd pull the parent card and do Enchanted Village, but, yeah, getting to be with other deaf kids...alright. I see it.
ReplyDeleteConclusion #1...deaf kids know how to party.
ReplyDeleteConclusion #2...Mrs. Claus (is that even who she is?) needs to up her meds as she is giving passive agressive responses (over all the attention the big guy gets) to the children with her strategically timed dream-squashing behaviors. Bitch!
Conclusion #3...gifts/favors from parties are simply a punishment to all parents. No good ever comes from them!
Ahhh, I love the holidays. And kids who flip between adorable, horrible and complete idiots 900 times a day during the holiday season.
ReplyDeleteI do love the indoor snowball fight, though. What were the "snowballs", though?
And why weren't their shots for parents?
The Beanz? Outlawed in our house b/c of the whole suppository thing and an 'issue' I have w/ memories of that uhm, item. I thought nobody else in the entire world thought they looked like that!! And you are an AWESOME mom for going back to find the lost toy form the Toy Taker. Owen also rocks with his rules. I'm going to make some of my own.
ReplyDeleteStill laughing at "super hero suppository" and I want a laser show in our town.
ReplyDeleteLove the girl in the backgrounds face whilst Owen is getting his face painted. Definitely made me laugh!
ReplyDeleteSo Great T!
ReplyDeleteMy monkeys are into Mighty Beanz too- and they are so fucken small- my boys ususally lose them outside while playing with the neigbourhood kids- of course they always know exactly which one is missing-
You hit her with a snowball- you have big balls lady- mad respect.
Mrs. Santa woman needs a mighty bean suppository. I'm glad Owen got his face painted at last.
ReplyDeleteI still can't figure out what those beanz are--and I went to the link.
ReplyDeleteSanta Woman--what is up! You can't make the kid cry twice!
I love the video of the kids dancing.
Those Mighty Beanz are hilariously odd. And it sounds like the Deaf Kid Christmas Party is a lot like any other kid party, with the alternating fun and crying.
ReplyDeleteWine was a very good solution.
It's like Wine/End Scene!
ReplyDeleteWe have the mighty beanz. Like way too many of those fuckers.
I've made that booze run...
ReplyDelete