3:13am Is The New 6:13am. Or The Other Way Around. I Don't Fucking Know. I'm Tired.

I get by on no more than six hours of sleep a night. I'm rarely asleep before midnight and always awake by 6am. Ish.

And I get up at least once to pee.  

It's not that I don't like to sleep. I fucking love it.  My life just isn't conducive to a whole lot of it.

When I hear the kids at 6ish, and I begin the task of dragging my carcass out of its cocoon, my first thought it always;

I can't wait to crawl back into this cozy warm quiet awesomeness.

So. Last night I hear Bea call out;

"MOM!!!"

I don't fish around the darkness for my glasses.  I squint hard enough to squish my eyeballs enough to decipher 3:13 on the clock radio.  I'm pissed.

Stormage down the hall to find out what emergency has Bea wailing for help at 3 fucking thirteen AM.

Her big toe that had peeped out of the blanket needed covering up.  And?

*whining* "I'm not tired.  I can't sleeeeeep."

"Well. You're going to.  It's the middle of the night. Everyone's asleep.  See you in the morning."

Quick glance to make sure Owen is still unconscious.  His bed is empty.

Fuck.

Stompage down stairs in search of Owen, whom I scare the bejeezus out of as his face is glued to the computer in the playroom, and sans hearing aids, he doesn't know I'm about to burst in signing angrily;

*Not morning!  Look! Outside dark. Mommy, Daddy, Bea all sleeping. Need go bed.  Now!*

Follow his grumping ass back upstairs and see him tucked back in bed.

*whining* "I not tired."

*Mommy very tired.  Mommy need more sleep.  You try sleep more.  See you later.*

Stompage back to my room.  Resist slammage of door. Collapse into warm cocoon.

"What the fuck was that all about?"

"Little shits are awake.  Bea needing blankets adjusted and Owen on the fucking computer.  At THREE in the fucking morning!  Fuckers!!"

"What are you talking about?  It's almost six thirty."

 "Fuck. Me."

*gropegropegrope*

"Not like that!!!  Gawd!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuck."

When Ear Wax Kills Your Whole Week

Deaf Kid + properly functioning hearing aids = Kid who hears enough to get by in optimal listening conditions with little background noise and a speaker who knows enough to speak clearly and face Deaf child at all times.


Deaf Kid + Tired old battered and beaten 5 year old hearing aids and copious amounts of ear wax and a nice head cold to boot = Kid who says "HUH?" 312 times a day to those who insist on trying to communicate orally with child who cannot. hear. shit.

(Person who shall remain nameless, who may or may not have contributed half of Deaf Kid's DNA, who has failed to learn an adequate amount of sign language and is possibly sporting a hefty case of denial as to the severity of child's Deafness + Child who can now hear next to nothing in the speech range = Murderous person who may or may not have contributed other half of Deaf Kid's DNA and HAS learned enough sign language, who now has to remind other person 312 times a day that "HE. CAN'T. HEAR. YOU")

Anxious Deaf Kid awaiting ear wax removal + Doctor and large drawer containing dozens of long sharp poking devices = Kicking screaming clawing scratching flailing epic failure of an ear cleaning. Times two.

Two failed attempts at ear wax removal + Big hunk of wax pushing on eardrum = Appointment to sedate Deaf Kid for most thorough hosing out of ears.

Kid with train wreck of a medical history + Anesthesiologist whose jaw dropped when opening his chart = Order to obtain EKG and Echo cardiogram before Kid is allowed to be sedated.

Kid who has been tortured by various invasive medical procedures since birth + He almost took out an EKG machine when he was three years old = If you value your equipment, you'll need to sedate the Kid for your fucking EKG and Echo cardiogram.

29 phone calls to 17 people in Otolaryngology, surgery, and Cardiology departments + Does anyone know what the fuck they are doing? = All day Friday spent on phone trying to coordinate Cardiology and Ear Cleaning under one dose of sedation with more phone calls to make tomorrow and we'd better get this shit taken care of by Thursday when Deaf Kid receives NEW HEARING AIDS!!!