When Ear Wax Kills Your Whole Week

Deaf Kid + properly functioning hearing aids = Kid who hears enough to get by in optimal listening conditions with little background noise and a speaker who knows enough to speak clearly and face Deaf child at all times.


Deaf Kid + Tired old battered and beaten 5 year old hearing aids and copious amounts of ear wax and a nice head cold to boot = Kid who says "HUH?" 312 times a day to those who insist on trying to communicate orally with child who cannot. hear. shit.

(Person who shall remain nameless, who may or may not have contributed half of Deaf Kid's DNA, who has failed to learn an adequate amount of sign language and is possibly sporting a hefty case of denial as to the severity of child's Deafness + Child who can now hear next to nothing in the speech range = Murderous person who may or may not have contributed other half of Deaf Kid's DNA and HAS learned enough sign language, who now has to remind other person 312 times a day that "HE. CAN'T. HEAR. YOU")

Anxious Deaf Kid awaiting ear wax removal + Doctor and large drawer containing dozens of long sharp poking devices = Kicking screaming clawing scratching flailing epic failure of an ear cleaning. Times two.

Two failed attempts at ear wax removal + Big hunk of wax pushing on eardrum = Appointment to sedate Deaf Kid for most thorough hosing out of ears.

Kid with train wreck of a medical history + Anesthesiologist whose jaw dropped when opening his chart = Order to obtain EKG and Echo cardiogram before Kid is allowed to be sedated.

Kid who has been tortured by various invasive medical procedures since birth + He almost took out an EKG machine when he was three years old = If you value your equipment, you'll need to sedate the Kid for your fucking EKG and Echo cardiogram.

29 phone calls to 17 people in Otolaryngology, surgery, and Cardiology departments + Does anyone know what the fuck they are doing? = All day Friday spent on phone trying to coordinate Cardiology and Ear Cleaning under one dose of sedation with more phone calls to make tomorrow and we'd better get this shit taken care of by Thursday when Deaf Kid receives NEW HEARING AIDS!!!