Bad Words Movie Review: The Avengers

Al took Owen to see it as soon as it came out.  I got stuck home with a sick Bea.

I was displeased.

Luckily, the weather has been total shit for the past week (really, I wish I had a dick so I could tell the fucking weather to Suck It) and lacking anything better to do, dragged the kids to see it this past weekend.

I was very pleased.

Under Owen's influence, I've become quite the Super Hero movie aficionado.

I dig cool effects, evil dudes, and the good guy always winning.

The Avengers of course delivers on all these counts.

But it also delivers something of far greater importance.

Hotness.

So. Much. Hotness.

Thor:

The Chippendale physique usually doesn't do it for me.

But:


                                    I'd like two tickets to the gun show please.


                    
                                             Ack that's a sweet face, no?

Oh, and he's loyal and brave and honorable and all that crap too.



Loki:

Thor's evil sort of  brother.



I wanted to think he was hot. I really did.  So I googled him a bit and found the actor to be on the effeminate side. 

So I googled more to see if  he's gay.  I was so hoping he was.

Cause I can't find an effeminate straight guy hot. 

Sorry Loki.


Steve Rogers/Captain America:

Here's one for the gays:

                  
                                                       Isn't he pretty?
Maybe too pretty.

However,

              
                                          You're welcome ladies and gays.

 I did appreciate the gratuitous ass shots.

And his 1940's aww shucks innocence is fucking adorable.


Black Widow:

Speaking of gratuitous ass shots.

Aplenty.
                                     

I must say I felt robbed in the boob department.  Girlfriend's got fabulous tits.

                             
                                   Those things just scream 'motorboat' don't they?


Those puppies didn't get any screen time all covered up and squished into that tight black jumpsuit as they were.

If I were Scar Jo's boobs I'd totally fire my agent.


Tony Stark/Iron Man:


                                        I've got nothing to add to this hotness.

I loved that he wore that Black Sabbath shirt throughout the entire movie.

I would have loved it more if I got to see him sans shirt.

He's arguably the hottest man on the planet right?

Perhaps...

Bruce Banner/The Hulk

 
                            The frumpy wrinkled suit is now a huge turn on for me.

The unassuming, soft spoken, scruffy faced, scientist geek turned giant green smashing machine stole the hotness show for me.

And?

He got naked.

Naked is my favorite.

I couldn't find a naked pic.

                 Fully clothed and fuckhawt. 

Fucking Hawkeye;

                 
                                                     He ain't got no alibi.

He's not here for his hotness.  'Cause he's not hot.

In case you haven't heard, some hearing impaired kid complained that there were no super heroes who wore hearing aids, so Marvel created 'Blue Ear' ; a super hero who wears blue hearing aids.

Why does this annoy the shit out of me?

Because this character Hawkeye is mostly deaf.  Which is why his eyesight is so keen giving him crazy good archery skills.  This detail is never mentioned in the movie. In fact, fucking Hawkeye appears to hear just fine.

Seriously though. Shooting arrows at 747 sized flying alien ship thingies?  REALLY?

Ugh.

Must. Cleanse. Palate.

      
                                                          Sandwich anyone?