Friday, November 18, 2011

You Know What Greases My Cheeks?



Fuck You Anonyhole;

I just love when someone musters up enough bravery to fire off a nasty anonymous comment.

I wish I had saved it instead of deleting it immediately after reading it.

The gist of the comment was that I am such a MEAN GIRL for calling out the Poor Me at work, the one who shirks her duties using her divorce as an excuse.

Guess what Anonyhole? Methinks your reading comprehension skills are a tad lacking as you missed the fucking point that EVERYONE has shit going on.  Shit worse than a divorce even.  And they still manage to get their job done. Without distracting everyone around them with the constant fucking whining.

And?  Our job is to take care of old sick people.  They are the ones we care about.  Their needs come before any of our own.  I wouldn't let this idiot take care of my Mother.  And that is saying A LOT.

Also?  I happen to believe in the survival of the fittest.  It is the law of the land in the world of nursing.

This chick?  Is an orphaned one legged Deaf baby gazelle.

The rest of us?  Hungry hyenas. Protecting our elders.

That is all.

*******

Thank you Dani G. and Lynn;

For your wildly successful Skool Pickture Blog Hop.

'Cause I mentioned a gawd awful school photo of yours truly. Which you then demanded to see.

Here ya go ladies.



I apologize for promises of horrific stye action.  In my memory, the stye was far more noticeable. But, if you look carefully at the left eye, behind hideous glasses, under equally hideous cowlick, you will see the swollen eyelid.

Big surprise I grew up to be such a mean girl eh?

And?  Big surprise that once the awkward stage was done and the HOT stage begun, I was sort of a slut.

What?

*******

Thank you Museum of Science Deaf Kid iPod Program Thingie;

For getting us all in for FREE, even the boring Hearing kids.

Deaf kids loved dicking around with the fancy iPod Touches with their fancy ASL apps.  You even provided an interpreter to explain how they worked:

video

Seriously? This shit just kills me.

We were happy to be your 'focus group'. And I was happy to provide feedback.

Thank goodness Owen actually used the app for a few minutes.  Even though it was sorta lame. 

But I learned the sign for Vibrate! Win!

Fuck You ASL Interpreter;

For telling me I was doing the sign for 'warm' wrong.

I've taken enough ASL classes to know that the language allows for lots of variation of signs.  I was using a widely accepted sign. The one my DEAF son uses.

Are you DEAF? 

No.

Shut the fuck up.

*******

Thank you warning on bag of sugar free cough drops;

"Excessive use may cause laxative effects."

Like, if I ate the entire bag in one evening?

Yeah.  Like that.

Actual text sent to my sister after most harrowing morning after, spent in bathroom:

"Has the phrase, 'Well THAT really greased my cheeks!' already been coined? 'Cause if not, I'd like to claim it...not sure in what context I'd use it... but is making me happy."

*******

Thank you dear sweet four year old daughter o' mine;

For being so fucking cute I can hardly stand it.

Even when you march into the kitchen, slam your sippy cup down on the counter, look me in the eye and say;

"Juice Lady."

And especially when you want to practice writing your words.

"How do you spell 'boat'?"

Awww.... with the backwards 'B' and the ginormous 'T'.

"How do you spell 'cat'?"

Awwwwww....with the fact that you signed the word 'cat' as you said it.

"How do you spell 'dog'?"

Awwwwwwwww... with the 'G' not resembling a 'G' in the least.

"How do you spell 'psycho'?

Awwwwwwwwwwwww.... wait... what???

*******


27 comments:

  1. If you can dig up the comment through deleted stuff you might want to send the comment over to http://myfavoritehatemail.blogspot.com/

    I love that site!~

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've got one of those deaf baby gazelle whiners at my work and I loved this post so much I would repost it at my blog if my deaf baby gazelle didn't check in on me occasionally. You are bang on the money with this one. And didn't I just laugh my head off at your sty. (I'm mean, too..)
    "Anonyhole" BUAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  3. Good to have you back. I agree, fuck that anonymous bullshit, deaf gazelle!

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  4. you are totally mean- that's why I like you-
    Can't believe they tried to correct your sign for warm- pisses me off.
    Never heard of the cough drop laxative problem- I just use Halls…

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for the laughs, I really needed it! Great post, great kids :)

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  6. Bitch. I love when you're drunk. That's all.

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  7. I just plain love you. And I'mma steal "anonyhole."

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  8. I think that you didn't remember the ads for the short lived potato chips made with Olestra - the fake fat - and the fine print at the end of the ad that read "may cause anal leakage" I am mean enough to laugh at anyone who ate those . . . and stupid enough to admit here I've eaten quite a few of the sugar free candies with a devil-may-care laugh in the face of danger abandon, and then wondered how I got IBS.

    Anonyhole? Oh, how I love you.

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  9. Here's how you spell psycho: anonyhole. Your welcome. Probably not appropriate for the younger crowd though.

    And like a pint of ice cream, I can eat a bag of sugar free anything. I'll suffer the consequences.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I for one love a drunken rant, myself. ;-)

    I hear orphaned one-legged deaf baby gazelles are pretty tasty. Also, anything that does that much whining deserves to be eaten. It's a miracle I haven't served up my youngest, he's under 5 so he gets a pass...for now.

    Bitchin' cowlick. Makes me wanna whip out my mullet shot.

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  11. You're such a bitch. I think I love you.

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  12. I love reading your comments section.

    We all bow down to your drunken bitchitude.

    I think you may be our queen.

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  13. I missed you. This was all kinds of reading fun, but when you call someone out it's especially my favorite. I liked the hyenas and hope if I ever need care, I have me a pack watching my back.

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  14. I was in dire need of some Eff You Friday.

    Laughed out loud, like the kids say...

    see you in one week -- xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  15. Really she is at the wrong place if that is what she thinks is mean :) Oh how I have missed a good F U post!

    Oh and shit did you see who posted? more than once! one post that included a photo of the new Mr. cutie pie addition to her family. I'll give you a hint, Radio sure makes cute babies!

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  16. I just read so many blog posts in one I dont know what to tell you.
    You are thorough

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  17. Fucking awesome skool pikture!!! Your glasses would be highly coveted by many a hipster these days.

    Bea? amazing! Owen? fucking rad! Anonybitch? douche!

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  18. In every single one of my school pictures, I have what looks like a black booger in my left nostril. Always the left.

    What kind of f'ed up nose must one have to achieve that kind of lighting magic each year?

    Or maybe I did always have crap in my nose.

    p.s. I love the pink sweater, by the way. Paired with that turtleneck, you've got all the makings of a future sort-of slut. Strong work, my friend.

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  19. I have a co-worker who pretends to be a deaf baby gazille, but is really a hyena (and almost nobody knows it...) The commenter should be shot. Nobody should defend useless co-workers.

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  20. Oh, the idea of an interpreter deciding that "the correct way" is better than "the effective way" makes my blood boil. Seriously.

    You've read my great big "fuck you" to an anonymous commenter, didn't you? If everyone that I read regularly, I figured you would have enjoyed a prolific usage of the word "fuck" more than anyone else.

    ReplyDelete
  21. A resounding HELL YEAH to the first bit- anonyhole armchair quarterbacks get what they deserve when they lose their minds and comment on YOUR blog. Heh-heh :)

    That photo? Priceless. Proof that things can (and do) get better with time. I'd show you my high school photo, but then I'd have to shoot myself.

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  22. You are FUCKING AWESOME. And a whole lot of AMEN SISTER!!

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  23. you just reminded me I was signing in my dream last night. To some hot deaf guy. hmmmm.

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  24. Holy shit...I have missed you so much. The deaf, one legged baby gazelle bit and the last few lines of the post just cracked me up. Love you!

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  25. How in the hell (the swearing is infectious on this blog 'cause I don't swear much) did I miss this post? The school photo alone would have made me kneel down and adore you. I have an eighth grade one that would not only rival yours in awkward ugliness but perhaps even surpass it. In fact, I know it surpasses yours. But we have similar glasses -- mine are rose-tinted, though -- both the frames and the lenses.

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