You Know What Greases My Cheeks?

Fuck You Anonyhole;

I just love when someone musters up enough bravery to fire off a nasty anonymous comment.

I wish I had saved it instead of deleting it immediately after reading it.

The gist of the comment was that I am such a MEAN GIRL for calling out the Poor Me at work, the one who shirks her duties using her divorce as an excuse.

Guess what Anonyhole? Methinks your reading comprehension skills are a tad lacking as you missed the fucking point that EVERYONE has shit going on.  Shit worse than a divorce even.  And they still manage to get their job done. Without distracting everyone around them with the constant fucking whining.

And?  Our job is to take care of old sick people.  They are the ones we care about.  Their needs come before any of our own.  I wouldn't let this idiot take care of my Mother.  And that is saying A LOT.

Also?  I happen to believe in the survival of the fittest.  It is the law of the land in the world of nursing.

This chick?  Is an orphaned one legged Deaf baby gazelle.

The rest of us?  Hungry hyenas. Protecting our elders.

That is all.

*******

Thank you Dani G. and Lynn;

For your wildly successful Skool Pickture Blog Hop.

'Cause I mentioned a gawd awful school photo of yours truly. Which you then demanded to see.

Here ya go ladies.

I apologize for promises of horrific stye action.  In my memory, the stye was far more noticeable. But, if you look carefully at the left eye, behind hideous glasses, under equally hideous cowlick, you will see the swollen eyelid.

Big surprise I grew up to be such a mean girl eh?

And?  Big surprise that once the awkward stage was done and the HOT stage begun, I was sort of a slut.

What?

*******

Thank you Museum of Science Deaf Kid iPod Program Thingie;

For getting us all in for FREE, even the boring Hearing kids.

Deaf kids loved dicking around with the fancy iPod Touches with their fancy ASL apps.  You even provided an interpreter to explain how they worked:

Seriously? This shit just kills me.

We were happy to be your 'focus group'. And I was happy to provide feedback.

Thank goodness Owen actually used the app for a few minutes.  Even though it was sorta lame. 

But I learned the sign for Vibrate! Win!

Fuck You ASL Interpreter;

For telling me I was doing the sign for 'warm' wrong.

I've taken enough ASL classes to know that the language allows for lots of variation of signs.  I was using a widely accepted sign. The one my DEAF son uses.

Are you DEAF? 

No.

Shut the fuck up.

*******

Thank you warning on bag of sugar free cough drops;

"Excessive use may cause laxative effects."

Like, if I ate the entire bag in one evening?

Yeah.  Like that.

Actual text sent to my sister after most harrowing morning after, spent in bathroom:

"Has the phrase, 'Well THAT really greased my cheeks!' already been coined? 'Cause if not, I'd like to claim it...not sure in what context I'd use it... but is making me happy."

*******

Thank you dear sweet four year old daughter o' mine;

For being so fucking cute I can hardly stand it.

Even when you march into the kitchen, slam your sippy cup down on the counter, look me in the eye and say;

"Juice Lady."

And especially when you want to practice writing your words.

"How do you spell 'boat'?"

Awww.... with the backwards 'B' and the ginormous 'T'.

"How do you spell 'cat'?"

Awwwwww....with the fact that you signed the word 'cat' as you said it.

"How do you spell 'dog'?"

Awwwwwwwww... with the 'G' not resembling a 'G' in the least.

"How do you spell 'psycho'?

Awwwwwwwwwwwww.... wait... what???

*******