Hey new nurse,
It's not that we don't like you. Well maybe it is a little. But you just happened to fill a spot that was occupied by our good friend for years. We loved her and miss her and you aren't HER.
So there's that.
And? The 'Poor Me' routine can stop any time.
You show up late; because you're going through a divorce.
You can't get your work done on time; because you're going through a divorce.
You shouldn't have to help with supper; because you're going through a divorce.
You shouldn't have to float to another floor; because you're going through a divorce.
It's not that we don't care about your divorce. OK fine, we don't care. Do you think you're the only one who has shit going on? You wanna have circle time and compare tales of woe?
How about 18 year old whose father overdosed and died last year and whose mother is an alcoholic. Who was told by drunken maternal unit to walk home. At eleven o'clock at night. Three miles. I drive her.
She never complains. Ever. I want to adopt her.
Or her gorgeous coworker, 19 years old. Mother ditched her when she was little. Dad married a crack head and kicked her out when she was 15. She works like a dog and never stops fucking smiling. Ever. I'd like to adopt her too.
Single mother of six.
Mother of son who is being deployed to Afghanistan. Reliving her brother's death in Vietnam.
I hear there is even a woman with a fucked up Deaf kid.
Maybe if you stopped whining long enough to get to know your new coworkers you'd feel more liked.
Until then; I'll be at my med cart at the end of the hall until you go home, bitch.
Hey bus company,
How'd you know it had been far too long since I'd told anyone off and was starting to get all twitchy?
Last year Owen's commute to and from school was an hour and fifteen minutes. School being fifty minutes away.
That was fine.
This year? Two hours.
Four hours a day on a bus.
And? A few mornings? They got to school late. Totally cool, 'cause they're so far ahead of the pack, what with being DEAF and all, they can stand to miss class time.
And getting home at 5pm leaves very little time for dinner, bath, homework and possibly a few seconds of down time, as Deaf kid needs to be in bed by 7pm.
And I missed Open House the other night because how could I throw the kid in the car and drag him back to school after he'd spent FOUR HOURS in a vehicle already?
Fellow Deaf kid Mommy also concerned and was fairly certain the law states the ride can't be more than an hour.
So. We found the law online and burned up your phone lines all morning! We even got the school to call and rip you a new one!
I did appreciate the thorough ass kissing I received too, even with all the cliche's;
"I'm rolling up my sleeves and getting right to it."
"I'm clearing my schedule until this is fixed."
"This is my #1 priority."
You're so full of shit.
You have until Monday, douchebag.
Sweet Owen and Lovely Bea,
You know Daddy is going away tomorrow on his yearly fishing trip with the guys.
He's been looking so forward to it, I even helped him stock up on food and supplies. Put together a first aid kit for him. Even baked him chocolate chip cookies - to make up for constantly referring to the trip as his 'Brokeback Fishing Weekend.'
And tomorrow we're gonna have some fun without him. Have some friends over. A bon fire. Watch a movie. Stay up late!
And the plan for Saturday really has me excited. After swim lessons, your aunt has offered to have you for a sleep over! With your cousin and everything!
Which will leave me with an unprecedented 24 hours of no kids and no husband.
What ever shall I do?
Have friends over? Nah.
Go out on the town with the girls? Nah.
I've planned the most perfect way to spend those precious hours:
All. By. Myself.
5,000 calorie batch of chicken alfredo.
And then you informed me that you;
"Don't wannnnnaaaa gooooo. Wannnnna staaaaay with yoouuuu."
So to you my adored children, the apples of my eyes, the lights of my life, my very reasons for existence; to you I say:
You're so fucking going.