Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Late Thankful Post. And Balls.

So. I never got around to doing the Thankful post.

I was too busy working, and kid wrangling, and getting ready for overnight visitors.

And finishing up my shopping. Christmas shopping that is.

Yeah. I'm just about done.  Like you needed another reason to hate me.

For whatever reason, a most highly anticipated DVD, purchased for Owen was in my purse.  Bea saw it.

I swore her to secrecy, promising very bad things would happen if she dared tell him what she saw.

The next morning, Al wakes me up with the news;

"Bea is downstairs telling Owen about the Captain America DVD."

"That little bitch!!"

I was in her face, dragging her away from Owen within seconds.

Before applying another thick layer of emotional scars, I probably should have made sure that Owen had actually heard her spill the beans.

'Cause he hadn't.



So. Thanksgiving happened.  I ate a horrifying amount.  I consumed a respectful amount of alcohol.  Family visited.

And on Friday morning, I engaged in my favorite day after Thanksgiving activity;

I decorated the fuck out of the house.

I'm a big fan of the twinkly and the sparkly.

And balls.

I like balls.

Lots of balls.

'Cause I'm an eight year old.  And so is my sister.  There was much snickering about the balls.

Instructing kids on proper ball hanging technique;

"You need to use two hands and handle the balls very carefully."

And after finding some delicate balls hanging precariously from a flimsy needle and not the firm part of the branch?  I said flimsy and firm.

"Look guys. See?  You have to make sure it's on there good and tight."

Turning around to snicker at sister, who had gone to the restroom, and then calling out;

"I said 'Good and Tight'!"

*snickering* "I heard ya!" 


Because Thanksgiving weekend isn't busy and exhausting enough, Owen's friend decides that a 10am party on Sunday is a good idea.

An hour away.

He didn't want to go.  I dragged his ass anyway.

And wished I hadn't as soon as we arrived.

Fucking Cosmic Bowling.  Loud music. Darkness. Seizure inducing strobe lights.

For a Deaf kid party?

The fuzzy one on the left is a very tired, very grumpy Owen.  I'd practically pushed him onto the lane and demanded he have some fucking fun.

He didn't.

Neither did I.

Text to Al and sister:

"This place is so fucking loud I feel like I should be getting wasted and picking up a one night stand."


While I was suffering visual and auditory assault at Deaf Kid party, Al and Bea were having a nice stroll in the woods:


And Owen was still grumping when we got home, and Bea was gloating about her fun time with Daddy and Olive.  She was in that four year old mood when she thinks mimicking everything that a person says is just hilarious. 

Owen did not find it hilarious;

"Mom!!  Bea is teasing my words!!"

Which I found hilarious.

And found myself feeling thankful that I have a place to share such hilarity.

Hope y'all had as good a time as me and mine.


  1. Can I beam you over to decorate the fuck out of my house? I promise to drink a respectful amount of alcohol and laugh at all things balls.

  2. I love the old fashioned cash register under your balls.

    And the word balls.

  3. I can't wait to get out my large glistening balls and hold them up to the light.
    I love this time log year.
    It could be because of all of the parties and seeing everyone else's balls.

  4. I'm so thankful to read your words, whenever you write them.

    I admit to sort of hating Thanksgiving. Too much pressure for gratitude. I do love Christmas, though.

  5. I say that is a pretty good weekend.

    And I can't wait to get my hands on some balls.... of the Christmas sort of course.

  6. "Balls!" said the Queen "If I had 2 I'd be King, if I had 3 I'd be a pinball machine."

    I've been waiting for forever to find an appropriately inappropriate post to leave this quote in the comments of. Thank you, thank you!

  7. ...which reminds me...I need to go find me some balls!

  8. Now I know why Pseudo was asking which sister snickered about the balls. I thought it was the other one who made the balls comment at the grocery story...

    Thanks for having us. Way too short a visit. Penny loves it there.


  9. The word 'balls' can't be said at my house without someone snickering. We are SO mature.

  10. I've just started decorating the house. When the oldest isn't yet 4, though? No balls. We'll be balls free over here. It's ok, we have enough of the other kind to keep us covered.

    Oh, and I've started giving consideration to the type of party given when I purchase the present. To the parents who want to take 3 year olds to Chucky Cheese? You get Magic Sand. Strobe light bowling? Floam. Bouncy houses? You get what ever the fuck your kid asked for.

  11. Arggghhh. My hubby is the sparkly one at my house- I am a scrooge (except for the tree- that's mine!). Glad to hear that there were no major thanksgiving disasters - hugs to you and yours!

  12. Oh my gosh:

    how much more perfect can you get?

    Another ball talk fan.

    How many times have you listened over and over to Schweddy Balls from SNL?

    ...thought so.

    *high five, fabulous one*

    Here's to the mundane...

  13. Can you come spread your ball love at my house?

    (there's a dirty joke in there somewhere, but it's monday morning and i can't find it)

    Your sister sounds like a hoot and a half.

    ps- i din't even bother with a grateful post. oops.

  14. I spent five days of the Thanksgiving holiday staying at my sister-in-law's house. My other sister-in-law was there, too. And six cousins. And three dogs.

    13 people under one roof. Which would have been surprisingly cool except my mother and father-in-law were part of the 13.

    They're nice. But conservative.

    And I may be an eight year old, too.

    So. I tried to keep my snickering under control. Kind of.

    We drove home last night. And today I got to laugh my ass off over your balls. Really loudly.

    The holidays have officially begun.

  15. I'm sure you hear this a lot, but my GOODNESS I am glad I found your blog! Your writing has had me in tears and laughing out loud - and the fact that you are a nurse? Makes me both glad and afraid, as I am an untested new nurse. Please don't eat me. I kid.

    I am always so happy to find new - to me - writers who draw me in and encourage me to be a better person. And also: humor is such an awesome thing. Thank you!

  16. Decorating is going to be so much fun this year as I snicker about balls thinking of this post the whole time. :)

  17. Freaking hilarious. I'm going to think about BALLS the whole time I'm decorating. I got 1/2 my living room done, when the very next day the Hubby had me rip it all down so he could paint. Really. REALLY??? BALLS. BALLS. BALLS. BALLS.

  18. I love balls at Christmas. Just not the delicate balls, we need the tough balls, the ones that can handle getting knocked around some.

    Okay. I'm done.

    Something about the smell of a bowling alley that always makes me feel a little dirty. And like I need a smoke.

  19. you had me at balls! and good and tight!

  20. I'm glad to find another family just as immature as mine. :)

    Tammy and Parker
    @ParkerMama on Twitter

  21. Haha, love the balls. We have them all over the house. I like the kind that can drop and bounce and NOT break. We even have some blue balls.

    I almost had a seizure just looking at that picture. Thankfully you can check that off your list of places never to visit again.

  22. I went to one of those rave-bowling parties. I was ready to carve out all sensory organs.

    Also? Balls!

  23. That psychedelic bowling rave is giving me hives just hearing about it.

  24. I am all about : applying another thick layer of emotional scars

    That's my JAWB.

  25. Huh huh huh. You said "balls..." :)

    At our house it's the little blocks that spell "NOEL". Secret Agent Man always has to change them to "EL NO".


  26. Late to the part-ay with my comment.... I was up your way Thanksgiving weekend and the weather was un-effing-believable. I think it hit almost 70 on Saturday. Was hoping you were hanging around and enjoying it too!
    :) Robin


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