Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Future So Bright

So.  Tuesday night at around 9:30 I called Bev's daughter, June.

I had a feeling it was time.

For two hours we sat on either side of Bev, June's husband Dave at the end of the bed.

What followed were the two most love filled hours I've ever witnessed.  The things June was telling her Mom were perfection, heartbreaking, bittersweet, hope filled.

I was honored and humbled and a bunch of other corny crap.

I'm not religious, but certainly spiritual, and whatever higher power is out there, it had us wrapped up, warm and tight in that room.

Bev passed 15 minutes after I left.

I'm pretty sure she was waiting to have June all to herself.


At some point during those two hours, a hot tranny mess (Hi Lynn!) of a hospice volunteer, showed up.

Seriously.  Through sobs, June and I tried not to burst out laughing.

We decided this is the person they send in to scare the stubborn ones into the great beyond.


Wednesday morning, as soon as Owen was on the bus,  Bea and I headed out for a play date with a girl from preschool.

I couldn't wait to check out the Turnip Farm.


Bea and Trudy played for almost three hours while Jane and I drank tea and chatted.

You know the first time you hang out with someone, you're not quite sure how much of yourself to reveal, you tiptoe around certain topics, it takes a conscious effort to avoid those awkward pauses in conversation?

There was none of that.  We told each other as much of our life's stories as time would allow.  Plenty in common. Personalities easily meshed. I could have stayed and talked all day.

Plans were made for trip to zoo as soon as it stops raining, like sometime next year.

And this morning?  She brought me a dozen eggs from her chickens!

Yay new friend!


After the play date, we picked up Owen for highly anticipated ear cleaning appointment;

Before I share those gory details, a little business to attend to.

Fuck You Rude Receptionist Bitch,

I hate being late.  If I arrive for an appointment exactly on time, I consider that late, because in my crazy head, I need to be early for everything.

So when Owen's teacher didn't have him ready at the pre-arranged time, and then I hit traffic, and then I couldn't find your new location, my anxiety grew to such levels that I almost popped the Ativan that Owen was supposed to take to get him through the procedure.

At the exact time of the appointment, I called to let you know we were going to be late. 

I just LOVE the 517 options I'm given to assist me in reaching the correct person.

And of course EVERY specialty except for Otolaryngology was an option.  So I was forced to hang up and call again.  While dealing with traffic and cranky children. And wait for the 'Make an appointment' option, which I chose, and waited.  And waited.

And pulled into the parking lot eight minutes late, still on hold.  And walked into the building.

Still on hold.

And approached YOU; STILL. ON. HOLD.  And noticed that neither you nor your co-receptionist were on the phone.

And waggled my phone at you;

"I've got Owen Elefanten here for a his appointment, I tried to call and tell you we were going to be late, but I've been waiting on HOLD for five minutes."

And instead of the apology and thorough ass smooching that I clearly deserved you gave me;

"Oh. We'll see if the doctor will still take him."

Oh.  You done bitched up the wrong Mommy.

"Yeah. We're a whole ten minutes late. Which is less time than we're usually made to wait when we're on time, so I don't forsee a problem."

"Hmph. *shoves pile of paperwork at me* You need to fill all this out and I'll see if the doctor will see him."

Sign few forms and just to be a jerk, tell asshat that I haven't filled out Owen's medical history. 'Cause that would take fucking hours.

"Well. You have to."

"Well. Everything that has ever been done to him is in your system. I'm pretty sure Dr. W knows how to acess his records."


Fuck you.


We do get to see the doctor. But after Owen's weight is obtained, which makes no sense as they don't weigh him after the wax is removed, and sometimes I think there would be a considerable difference.

His oxygen saturation is also measured.  And I laugh at the number; 100%.

Assistant type person;


"His lungs were smashed to smithereens when he was a baby.  He shouldn't be 100%."

Gobs and gobs of crap are removed from his ears without injury to myself or doctor.  Or Owen.

Owen high fives everyone in office and declares;

"I hear better now!  We go to McDonalds?"


Buying wine today. Clerk eyes me dubiously and asks to please see my ID.

Which makes my fucking day.

"I graduated high school twenty years ago today."


I graduated high school twenty years ago today.

Caps and gowns not virginal enough for the all girl's Catholic school.  Wasn't I pretty?

And I was as cool as one could be in that poofy thing.

I have no idea what I expected out of life on that day.

A husband and kids, good friends, maybe a job I didn't hate.  Yeah, that was the extent of my ambition.

And not boring.  Yes.  I wanted something out of the ordinary. 


I babysit for friend Sally two nights a week.  Her husband leaves for work around 10pm and she gets home around 11:30.

So I show up in my jammies, book in hand, ready to crash on their couch.

"How's it going Mark?"

"Living the dream."

So it would seem.



  1. That stupid bitch receptionist at doctor's office? They're just miserable in their own little lives. Pay no mind.

    You totally rocked that poofy dress.

  2. "oh you done bitched up the wrong mommy"

    Best. Line. Ever.

  3. Wow. I don't know when those pictures were taken but we could seriously be identical twins. Except for the icky dress.

  4. It's hard to identify what I find most awesome about this post. So we'll go with everything. Love it.

    Also, I flipping hate bitchy medical receptionists. Just sayin'. Some people shouldn't work in customer service.

  5. super bad blog friend lately but I totally know about hot tranny mess.

    Congrats on 20 years post HS. I am 23...and my daughter graduates in less 3 weeks. now that is the old factor for me, right there.

    your dress was hot and so are you.

  6. You are the best. I love the Diana sleeves on your graduation dress. Our conservative Episcopal school demanded the white dress thing, too, for graduation. Mine was eyelet -- but ten years before you!

  7. I want a friend with chicken eggs! That she can give me. It's kinda pointless if she's not sharing.

  8. You absolutely got out of the ordinary!
    I have to concur with Eileen...every facet of your post is noteworthy. Fabulous frock!!

  9. Doc receptionists...I really shouldn't get started.

    After 10 years of dealing with these people, I now feel it's husband's turn. I have a suspicion they tend to treat the dads better anyway.

  10. Is it like a rule that you have to be a total effing bitch to work in a doctor's office? I swear, I've had some really great doctors and nurses but effing receptionists suck!!! Everywhere I go they blow!

  11. I was thinking about Bev. So happy to read the first part.
    Now the receptionist has pissed me off.

  12. You were totally rockin' that poofy gown. Wow. ;)

    Glad Owen can hear better now!

    Love Bev's story.

    Happy Friday!

  13. Jane sounds like a keeper.

    And the stupid bitch at the MD's office---report her right to your MD. They're usually waiting for material to ass-can her.

    And I consider you on time. I figure they run an average to 20 minutes late so really that makes you 10 minutes early.

  14. Your post was dipped in awesome sauce with a side of french fries and mayo (yeah, I have PMS. So what?)!

    Just love, love, love everything you had to say. Pretty standard for your blog, I'd say. :)

  15. I get stubby with the receptionist at my drs office everytime she slaps my wrist for being late.
    I can't understand how the phone line is always busy and no one is on the phone!!
    PS. You're HAWT in that sweet poof.

  16. Krappy receptions need a lesson from the receptionist out our peds office. They hug the boys, give them stickers, offer sympathy. They hold the babies while you search through your purse for the stupid health insurance cards. THe one you dealt with? Clearly needs to be reminded that "reception" is her job. How you are received is her responsibility...

  17. PRICELESS to be given a hard time about being late for a doctor's appointment! I swear I've spent more time in waiting rooms than examination rooms.

    Glad to hear that Bev had a good send-off. The night my grandmother died, my mother (who is one of 5) felt like she needed to leave. She said, "I don't think she's going to go while I'm here." Nana died about 20 minutes after my headed for home.

  18. What is it about that streak that stays in girls from all girl catholic high schools?

    Me, this's like I can't get free enough.

    Thank you for a peek into your life.

    Did you ever tell us why Owen has so much wax that accumulates?

  19. Something tells me that you succeeded in that "not boring" life.

    I'm right with you - if I'm on time, I'm late. At my current job, meetings typically start a few minutes after they're scheduled to. It. Drives. Me. Crazy.

    I'm not usually a fan of lawyers, but I heard a story once where he invoiced his doctor for the 23 minutes that he was forced to wait after his appointment time. I liked that lawyer. I understand the health care system is set up so ensure that docs see as many patients as possible, in as short a time, but there really has to be a better way than "schedule 15 minute appointments in 5 minute blocks".

  20. No wonder I'm getting so many click-thru's from here. Talk about the most disappointed linky-uppers ever. Thought they were getting a HTM only to hear another mommy-got-puked-on story. #fail

  21. Oohh, I can't stand when receptionists order me around. You should have choked her.

  22. June and Bev are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing another with us. Truly.
    Hot tranny mess -- how I LOVE this!! I'm pretty sure my children are going to start saying it soon. And then? I will blame you and Lynn. Imagine THAT conversation!

  23. um, what are you wearing in those photos?!?! ack! hahahahah!

    getting the ears cleaned by a pro is SO FABULOUS! i have only had it done once, and i just loved it. note to self to do it again someday SOON.

    and the joys of receptionists. sigh. i LOATHE answering phones at work. i hate talking to anyone on the phone at work. but if it is your job, you have to do it and be pleasant and helpful. YOU HAVE TO. even if you are faking it.

  24. I knew Lynn was hot - but in transition as well? I kid.

    Yay for new, easy friends!

    Yay, for getting carded for vino!

    Yay, for you in a poofy white dress. that last pic is awesome. I have a similar one of me from a horrilbe wedding portrait shoot I endured.

  25. So I graduated from high school almost 25 years ago (and I never get carded. shit); still, if I weren't absolutely sure you're not the type to steal (to say nothing of breaking and entering)

    I'd think you jacked my prom dress.


    That was my dress, too.

    Dear God.

    As for living the dream?

    "So it would seem..."
    (I love that. so much.)

  26. Sheesh...if I got carded buying booze, I think that would be almost as joy-inducing as winning the lottery! Treasure that's a gift! :)

  27. Wow. You could also have worn that dress for a wedding. Impressive.

    Also, thank you for saying to the receptionist what has previously been in my thought bubble.

  28. Hmmmm do I love you more because of your letter to the receptionist? Or because of your uber sexy graduation gown??
    Decisions, decisions....

  29. What. A. Bitch.
    Seriously. I think I've met that receptionist. ;)

    Love the photos!

  30. I just discovered you via Dysfunctional Supermom!

    Congrats on the award btw!

    I love how you dealt with that receptionist.

    Also? Meeting new friends is an awesome thing.

    Nice to meet you!

  31. Looove the dress :)

    I can't believe you were on hold while NO ONE was on the phones!! I think steam would have been coming out of the top of my head. Urgh!


  32. Congrats on getting carded. I consider it an accomplishment if my waiter doesn't call me ma'am.

    Love your pics. You look like Julianna Margulies.

  33. Listen hear, my job pays me about $50 an hour, when are those damn doctors going to pay me for my time when I have to wait. I mean sometimes I'm the first f*cking paitent, slam down that donut and see me.

  34. Needed me a dose of Tulpen today. This was better than the Sunday paper!

  35. As a fellow class of 91' graduate, that dress scares the shit out of me, but you pull it off.

  36. Wow. My grad photo is like your evil twin - black gothy dress, black hair, evil look. Except...we were probably exactly the same sort of person.

  37. There's a special place in heaven or hell for medical receptionists. I haven't meant any of the heavenly ones yet.

    And that story of June and Bev is lovely.

    A tranny hospice volunteer? I think I've got Halloween all sewed up now.

  38. Just sat here and showed my husband your blog--he approves.

    Is it weird to say I love your death stories? Because I do--even if it is weird to say so.

  39. I have no idea what I expected. I think I wanted to live on a ranch and ride horses into sunsets.


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