You know those crazy motherfuckers who thrive on being needed?
I'm not one of them.
But as wife/mother/nurse, I've backed myself into one hell of a needed corner.
I work Mondays and Tuesdays, from 3pm til 11pm, on a long term unit of a nursing home with 42 residents with varying levels of dementia and need. An ideal shift has us staffed with two nurses and four nurses aides. Ideal happens not very often and the four aides is usually three. Which means I'm needed to fill the gap.
So I'm needed to give medication to 21 needy old people. For pain, anxiety, blood pressure, poop. And then there is the needing to go to the bathroom, to go to Bingo, to go to bed.
They don't take turns needing things. They tend to need me all at once. And after living through numerous decades, you'd think some would have cultivated some much needed patience; you'd be wrong.
I run from need to need stopping only to answer the phone, the fax machine, the front door (because some higher up thought the buzzer needed to be at our nurse's station).
I need to take my Benadryl around 10:30 so when I get home at midnight I'm nice and sleepy; I need to snag as much sleep as I can, the kids need me up and raring to go at 6:30.
Wednesdays are my worst, I'm extra tired, and cranky, and not wanting to be needed.
Owen needs his bologna and cheese with mustard on rye for breakfast. He needs help finding an appropriate game on the computer. He needs me to translate the words coming from Bea's mouth;
"What she say? Can't hear her."
"Bea, you know you have to talk loud and in Owen's face right?"
"Because he is Deaf. Like my friend Jack. You know my friend Jack Owen? He is a girl sometimes. He doesn't go to school because if he's not a girl, then he's a squirrel. Squirrels don't go to school. Unless they're Hearing. But Jack is Deaf, so he goes to a Deaf squirrel school."
"What she say?"
"Mommy!! I need boogie medicine!!!"
I need to clean the puddle of boogers off the floor first. And then proceed to laugh my ass off at the Something About Mary With Hair Gel Scene she is reenacting as she'd wiped her nose upwards resulting in her hair standing straight up.
With Owen loaded on the bus, I really need to clean the house and have a shower, but sick little girl needs to snuggle. And to use me as a tissue. For the next six hours.
Turns out, Bea needs another dose of boogie medicine, which induces much needed nap, which sends me up to my bed for much needed nap. (I didn't need the dirty dream about my boyfriend, but it didn't hurt.)
I'm needed the second I awake, clothes need to be thrown in laundry, dinner needs to get going, house needs to be picked up, the fucking dog needs to be under my feet with every step I take.
Dinner, bath, and bedtime needs are met. Desperately needed shower is finally attained. And I'm off to friend's house to babysit.
We need each other. Tit for childcare tat.
Her delicious seven month old nugget needs to be walked and rocked to sleep, which is kind of nice in that "Oh babies are so sweet but I'm so glad I don't have to do this every fucking day" sort of way.
Home again at midnight, wondering if fucking dog has received her dose of insulin she needs so she won't piss all over the house. Awake again at 6:30 with need jabbing me in the thigh.
Two minutes later; hit the ground running meeting morning needs of children again.
But on Thursdays, Bea goes to preschool, and I get to bask in two whole magical hours of not being needed.
There is a Panera right where I need one. With free wifi that I need. And great coffee.
And nobody that needs me.
Now. With two uninterrupted hours on my hands, I just need something to fucking blog about.