Friday, January 28, 2011


Ok.  So Jillsmo gave me this award a week or so ago.  Then she sent me a fucking bitchy ass email wondering why the fuck I hadn't properly accepted it yet.

Little did she know,  I was planning on getting drunk and posting the fucker tonight.

So there.  Skank.  Here's your fugly fucking graphic:

And your list of fucking rules:

1. You must proudly display the absolutely disgusting graphic that I've created for these purposes (put it in your post, you don't have to put it in your sidebar, I think that would seriously be asking too much). It's so bad that not only did I use COMIC SANS, but there's even a little fucking jumping, celebrating kitten down there at the bottom. It's horrifying! But its presence in your award celebration is crucial to the memetastic process we're creating here.

2. You must list 5 things about yourself, and 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make some shit up, we'll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we're just on the honor system here. I trust you. Except for the 4 that you lied about, you lying bastards! But don't go crazy trying to think of stuff, you'll see by the example I've set below that we're not really interested in quality here.

3. You must pass this award on to 5 bloggers that you either like or don't like or don't really have much of an opinion about. I don't care who you pick, and nobody needs to know why. I mean, you can give a reason if you want, but I don't really care.

4. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, I will fucking hunt your ass down and harass you incessantly until you either block me on Twitter or ban my IP address from visiting your blog. I don't know if you can actually do that last thing, but I will become so annoying to you that you will actually go out and hire an IT professional to train you on how to ban IP addresses just so that I'll leave you alone. I'm serious. I'm going to do these things. Starting with the 5 of you I'm about to pass this award on to.

All rightey then.  Four lies and a truth.

1. These are my boobs:

2. This is the view outside my kitchen window:

3. This is my husband:

4. This is the funniest fucking thing I've seen all week:

5.  This is my ass:

Now to subject some poor victims to this nonsense.

1. The Empress (She'll never fucking do it.)

2. Eileen (Thanks for showing me that video!)

3. MommaKiss (She's probably already been tagged, but fuck it.)

4.  Erin. (She's geting wasted at Blissdom and won't do it either.)

5. Dysfunctional Supermom (She likes to say fuck as much as I do!)(Aaaaand she'd already been tagged too. Oh fucking well.)



  1. Laughing myself stupid. This is just the medicine this Friday warranted.

  2. he he. You called Jillsmo a skank. I like you.

  3. LOVE it. and i KNOW that's not your husband...cos he's my lover. ha. yeah ok. this is hysterical.

  4. I'm totally a skank!! HA HA HA HA!!!

  5. Really, the more important issue here: Does Jason know you're totally cheating on him?

  6. DarcC: I wish that was my rack.

    Robin: Johnny got to me first, way back when I was 12, I think Jason will understand.

  7. Best. Meme. EVER!

    But I knew #3 was a lie right off. Because Johnny? He's MY husband. :)

  8. I've had a crush on Stephen Torrence ever since his Party In The USA video. But this one takes things in a totally new direction.

    Welcome to the memetastic club. It's the exclusivity that makes it special.

  9. WTF- my boyfriend is married?!?! Things are gonna get ugly around here- Johnny is my man!! ;)

  10. I know those are your boobs and your ass. And I know that you are married to Johnny Depp. So that tropical island thing is the lie. Me smart.

  11. You are what you say you are and since you said that is your rack....I believe it!

  12. Wow. Sounds like Mr Depp is a cheating polygamist. Cause he's my husband too.

    I saw your boobs in your vlog and I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

    Nice butt. Totally thought it could be yours.

    I'm gonna put a shiny gold star and a stupid smiley face on my calendar so I don't miss May 1


  13. I'm off to comfort Jason, thank you for being so public about bigamy. It really just makes my job easier.
    No, I don't mean job, the pleasure is all mine. ALLLLL MIIIIIINE!

  14. I'm having a 'The more you know' moment about May 1st

  15. May 1st is certainly something to look forward to.

    I have it on good authority that that is my sister's ass.

  16. You say skank...I say whore. Let's just agree that we are both write about Jill.

    Also...fucking really?! Again?!

    You gave me that fucking horrific, traumatizing rainbow AGAIN?!

    You bitch!

    I'm not posting that shit again. Will not fucking do it. Ever.

    p.s. Nice ass!

  17. Nice. I found you from Kludgy mom's tweet. I'm cracking up reading your blog.

  18. Thank you for the laugh! I needed one after this week! Oh, and I have your husband duct taped in my closet. He's ok though, I let him out to play every day! :)

  19. OHHHH!

    And that's where you're wrong!

    WHo sent you the kickass ling to

    Yeah, bitch, me.

    You're on.

  20. and still it was a link not a ling, but still, ling is kinda funny. heehee

  21. Best award acceptance post in the history of FOREVER.

  22. um, that graphic is HORRRRRRRENDOUS!

    AND you sure have a nice rack! and your husband used to be hot. lol

  23. Your rack is HOT!

    Fucking jolly kittens make me feel stabby. I am so glad you didn't tag me.

  24. LOL. This post and meme are fantastic. Love the photos of you and your life. ;)

  25. Now that's some nice cleavage. Well done.

  26. Hahahahahaha! You made me LOL outloud at work no less!
    So....sounds like Johnny's a whore, I'm so disappointed. Although, "Johnny's a Whore" would be a great band name...
    Nice rack though! (You, not Johnny)

    Congrats on your shitty award. Uh, I mean, fuck that!

  27. OMG that video is hilarious. Now you have officially made me LOL outloud twice today!
    AT WORK!
    People are gonna think I'm nuts.

    Oh wait.
    I am...

  28. Screw Jason and Johnny.

    This should be your new crush: Andrew Allen.

    This is also the fucking cutest song ever:

    Or you can just watch all of them while you fall madly in love:

    And yeah, he's married, but that hasn't stopped a lot of people!

  29. You got me hooked on the Jonathan Coulton singed songs!

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