I Knew Right Away She Was Not Like Other Girls

That's it.  I'm never telling you people anything ever again.  IDEAS.  That's all I wanted. Fresh mojo.  Not begging and pleading to keep going.  You're no help at all.

And nobody told me what a jerk I am?  Very disappointing.  Though I did lose a follower.  That's the spirit!!!

Haven't you people learned?  I threaten to quit like twice a year.  I get bored easily.  Blame my Aries nature.

And vlogging?  Seriously?  Ok fine.  I'll do it.  As soon as I stop fucking swearing.

There is something I haven't tried, that I've noticed all the cool kids doing.

I forget how I found jillsmo, or she found me.  We were likely both drunk and sporting bloggoggles, professing our love for each other after reading one another's profanity laden posts about our especially needy children.

Thank goodness jillsmo remembered that I'd agreed to be her Fairy BlogMother;  a cheerleader of sorts I think?  Not quite sure.

Anyway.  My first Blogmotherly act will be giving jillsmo the floor here, as my first guest poster.  Ever.

Bippitty Boppitty Boo.

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Tulpen is my Fairy BlogMother!


I KNOW, right?? It’s SO exciting!! I’m so excited about this! Okay… it’s slightly possible that I don’t actually have any idea what a Fairy BlogMother is. However, I read about it on another blog over the holidays and I thought, if anybody is fit for this role, it is Tulpen. And when I asked her, and I explained that it meant she was required to get me drunk and curse at me (because I’m almost positive, now, that actually is what it means), SHE WAS SO EXCITED, TOO!! Or… her exact words may have been something like “uhhhh….” I’m not really sure, it was over a week ago now, so I don’t remember. Plus, I was drunk at the time.

So, as her first act as my Fairy BlogMother, she has offered me this space on her blog to yammer about whatever I want, and so I thought I would take this opportunity to explain to her, and to you, exactly why I thought she would be the perfect person to fill this role in my life.

1. She and I are both raging alcoholics. I’m actually quite drunk right now, and it’s 8:30am my time. But, I figure, it’s almost lunchtime where Tulpen is, so that makes it perfectly okay.

2. We both love the Grateful Dead, and have fun stories to tell about our experiences. That’s all I’m going to say about that, though (shhhhhh…….).

3. We both have 2 children: 1 regular one, and another that’s, um… slightly dented. You know, not exactly broken, but maybe just a little irregular. Not flawed enough that they need to be returned to the store we got them from, but just enough so that she and I can be ostracized and judged appropriately by parents who only have the regular kind.

4. But, ultimately, what bonds us stronger than any of the above is our mutual, overwhelming desire to see Jason Mraz naked. And, Tulpsters… (can I call you Tulpsters? No? Oh. Shit. Sorry.) And, Tulpen…. because I love you so much, I make you this promise now, that if I ever actually get the chance to see Jason Mraz naked, I will totally share him with you. I promise! I will immediately stop what I’m doing and send you an email about it, giving you the exact directions to our location. It’s not really my problem that you live thousands of miles away from me and it’s 3 hours later over there, the point is that I made the offer, and that, right there, should prove my worthiness to have you as my Fairy BlogMother. Whatever that is.

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Thanks jillsmo.  That was fun.  Let's do it again soon ok?

And look.  As a parting gift to you, I went and Googled "Jason Mraz Naked".  Don't pretend to be surprised.

You're welcome.