Thursday, December 2, 2010

Greedy Bitches! It's A Jewelry Giveaway!

I tried being a girl for a year or two in high school.  I painted my nails, wore pretty clothes,  collected eye makeup and jewelry.  It didn't last.  It isn't me.  I'm not that girl.

Now?  Minimal makeup.  Dresses only in the summer 'cause walking around naked isn't allowed.

And jewelry?  I don't even wear my wedding ring most days.  I'm allergic.  Yup.  Metal and my skin are not friends.  Earrings are the worst.  Itching starts the second I put an earring in.  And YES, I've tried every metal known to man; the stuff that is supposed to be hypoallergenic makes me want to rip my ear off.  Same with gold, siver, and even platinum. 

I don't care.

But my sister?  Total girl.  Pretty clothes, shoes, makeup, jewelry.  Pretty princess she is.

She's the one with the nice rack.


She has an Etsy shop.  She sells jewelry.  She makes the prettiest things with her own two hands, Silver and Stones. 

Last week, over some drinks, we hatched a plan to drum up some business for her by giving away a piece of her prettiness to you dear faithful readers. 

No matter that dear sister is NOT a faithful reader. 

Whatever.

So.  You want some free jewelry?

These earrings?



Aren't they pretty?  Yes they are.  You totally want them.

You know the deal.  Giveaways have fucking rules.  And you know rules piss me off.

I don't give a crap if you follow me here just to score some fucking swag.

You'll be sorry if you follow me on Twitter 'cause I totally suck at it; unless you like offers to change your diaper or announcements that it is time to fire up the ol' crack pipe.

Tweet the giveaway if you want. I spend so little time on Twatter that I'll likely never notice your effort.

Like my fan page on Facebook if you can find it.  You won't find it.  It does not exist.

The real rules:

1.  Dance naked under the light of the moon.  Video evidence required.

2.  Write a 2000 word essay about what a jerk I am.

3.  Make my fucking decrepit diabetic puking dog disappear.

Ok fine.  Seriously.  These lovely earrings can be yours if you:

1. Go to my sister's Etsy shop.

2.  Heart her shop.  You just need to click on the little *heart* and add it to your favorites.

3.  Leave comment HERE telling me why you love/want/need/covet those earrings or anything else that my sister has made.

The winning COMMENT gets the earrings.  Profanity and general inappropriateness are encouraged as my SISTER will be picking the winner. We are a lot alike.

You have until next Tuesday December 7th.

Good luck bitches!

Tell your friends!


44 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Wow, your sister makes some really cool stuff. I can't think of anything good to say so I am going to think about it and come back and think of something really, really good.

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  3. Seriously...someone wrote a comment & then removed it? Who does that?

    So...I'm going to dance naked under the moon & NOT video it, because me naked is so fucking wrong. Just saying.

    I'm heading to Etsy now...which I hate you for, because I'm not that crafty little c-u-next-thursday kind of blogger. But for you Tulp...for you only.

    And just between you and me...I like pink. And not just the kind between my legs. So there.

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  4. That was totally my deleted comment because I can't be in the giveaway and I'm a little sad...

    Hi other sis! I like the PINK SPARKLY earrings. teehee.

    Good luck everyone and make sure to check out all of her stuff. It's amazing!! xoxo

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  5. Fuzzy balls and pearls......I can't stop saying Fuzzy Balls and Pearls....Fuzzy Balls ...oh my gawd that is funny.

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  6. Loooooove those earrings. I also have a serious appetite for this
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/58699722/hot-pink-vintage-glass-pendant-with
    apatite necklace of hers. Tanzanite and Apatite seem like they should be Prince's new sidekicks, huh?

    this sexy beast is doing me right as well.
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/48155436/hot-pink-vintage-hex-necklace-n5

    You and your sisters are so damn talented. seriously.

    not saying that so you'll pick me. but pick me.

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  7. I don't actually want the earrings, I let my ear holes close up when I first got pregnant, I just didn't feel like dealing with them anymore; but I did those first two things on the list, anyway.

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  8. I need that punk rock lava bracelet. I need it so bad, because unlike you, Tulpen, I'm girly to the girl max and that bracelet would make me look like a fucking bad ass bitch at my husband's company christmas party. The pink sparklies? Well they just go with my every day dockers and cardi sets.

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  9. I want the earrings. That should be enough, Dammit! Now send them to me, OK?
    I tried to heart. Can't remember my damn etsy password! ACK Why do you make it so hard!
    (That's me trying very hard to be profane. How'd I do?)

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  10. So u know I have connections to totally make #3 happen right? and when I say connections I mean I sleep with him on a regular basis.

    no seriously he can make it happen

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  11. haha fuzzy balls she really is just like you

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  12. Well, call me a greedy bitch 'cause I totally want those pink pretties.

    Pink is my signature color.


    Not really... I just try to quote "Steel Magnolias" every chance I get.

    Now I just gotta work in "I'm pleasant, dammit! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiglgy this mornign and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself!" and my day will be complete.

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  13. I'm not gonna lie... I'm commenting solely because I'm fucking drunk right now. Drunk on wine because I'm still up prepping for this fucking birthday party on Saturday for my soon-to-be 4-year old. My husband said, "invite his school friends, only 1 or 2 max will show up". I objected because I was happy with our normal parties with 3 kids max, and lots of adults and beer and wine. But Nooo, I had to listen to my moronic husband and invite the whole goddamn class.

    Guess how many RSVP's... 8, EIGHT, 8 out of 11 kids are coming, plus siblings, and parents... F-U-C-K M-E!!! So Yes, I most definitely deserve those pretty-ass earrings, or necklace, or whatever the fuck it is. Because after all my food, soda, and wine is gone from the party, at least I'll have the earrings. The earrings that I'll probably never wear, but will regift to someone who will really appreciate them. So yeah, just go ahead and ship that shit to me... now.

    P.S. I had to proofread this shit 3 times to get rid of all the drunken typos. Like I said, ship that shit to me already.

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  14. Shared her page on my Facebook page :)

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  15. I have super short hair and a handsome jaw structure and if I don't wear sparkly pink earrings people think I'm a dike. which is fine. but now that I'm pregnant people wonder where I got the sperm. then my kids start asking about sperm and it's enough already. Just send the pretty earrings so my husband and I can live our lives. your sister does have a great rack. see, the short hair talking.

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  16. Okay Bitches, heres the deal....I don't cuss. Unless I stub my toe on some Godforsaken coffee table and scream, "FUUUUUUUUUUCK" loud enough to cause a sonic boom I just don't do it.

    But that jewelry, its the shit! And not like the elephant taking a dump on your header....its the GOOD shit!

    I'd give my right hand for the citrine autumn garden earrings cause thats my birthstone and damnit I deserve that shit. Afterall, I am still changing crappy diapers for 2 boys that are almost 8 and 6! Trust me when I saw I have a Masters in shit-management!

    So, I'm hoping you'll fork over those pretty pieces of bling to this here Jackwagon of follower cause really its the only thing I've got going for me right now.

    Peace out.

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  17. Okay now of course I only love the most expensive jewelry so I will go for the 3 strand tourmaline and pearl necklace (not that I wear much jewelry but a nice gift) and I would totally be content with those gorgeous earrings in the giveaway. But I'm ONLY commenting because I love you so much (sucking up have you noticed:)! Of course I also want to support your sister and I'm willing to post about her on my own very well attended .ahem. blog!

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  18. i hearted it. i will also post it on my fb page (one of your sisters will be able to verify this). like you, i don't wear my wedding ring (or rings in general) because i'm a freak and wash or lotion up my hands all the damn time. i'm sure most of the world thinks the hubs and i are living in sin because he doesn't wear his either, it doesn't fit anymore. fuckem. your sis does have a nice rack but i'm more intrigued by her tatt. what is it? i don't really do necklaces, but i do love me some earrings. these pinkies are gorgeous, as are her peridot ones and the simple garden pair. lovely. i might have to introduce the hubs to etsy so he can buy me something for christmas. fucker.

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  19. Beautiful stuff! I love the Something Blue Vintage piece...I'm getting married in October and that is the necklace I see myself wearing. Awesome stuff!

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/58702821/something-blue-vintage-glass-and-pearl

    Oh yea...and I added it to my favorites as well.

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  20. I was just wondering yesterday why etsy-ers don't make you heart their shop in giveaways - just go and find something you like. Seems dumb...

    Which makes you real fucking smart. Because 1) you did what I think is fucking smart and 2) you plucked this thought out of my brain and used it. Or implanted it there to make me think you were smart when I read this.

    Fuck. Why can I not leave a comment here without sounding like a total peckerhead?

    Earrings please?

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  21. what fabulous jewelry!!! I love these and want these totally for myself - I love jewelry and need these in my ears ;.)
    I hearted her shop!
    kkfoster35 at msn dot com

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  22. So...I put your sister's Etsy in my favorites because (1) I really love her work and (2) you told me to do it and I'm basically a sheep.

    I think Patty should get the earrings!!

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  23. Those are the best damn giveaway rules EVER!

    I suck at Twitter, too. I actually complimented someone on their #isuck hashtag, and then found an occasion to use it on my very next tweet. 'Cause I'm so not cool like that.

    The earrings are lovely.

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  24. God damn you women and making it so hard to get free stuff off your sister. I can't remember the password to the f-ing etsy account I created when your other damn sister sent me there from her blog to heart third sisters stuff (yes, Movie, I'm looking right at you!) Now I have two etsy accounts, and they both heart your sister and her stuff. I would just buy something from her, but my kids seem to think that diapers and chicken nuggets are more important than sparkly earrings for me. If I had girls they would understand that going hungry is totally worth it for sparkly krappe for mama. Now, I'm off to dance. Look the other way, it won't be pretty.

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  25. I just want the fucking earrings, okay? I have short hair; gorgeous earrings like the ones pictured are a must.

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  26. I completely deserve these earrings. Seriously - I am not fucking around. I spend my day *trying* to make 11th grade literature fun/interesting/do-able (um, have you read the Scarlet Letter? If yes, then feel. my. pain.) Then I come home and trying to make 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade literature fun/interesting/do-able to kids who are taking those classes (all built by me) ONLINE. It surely has wonderful and inspirational and rewarding moments - but they are just that: moments.

    I need some fucking bitch-ass pretty pink in my life, and your sister, in addition to her *amazing* boobs, has a legion of talent and makes such pretty, sparkly things that would make me feel a little better.

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  27. these earrings would look lovely next to my nakedness, and they would compliment my delicate erect pink nipples as we gleam together in the moonlight.

    sorry! that is horrid!

    the earrings are gorgeous, and i am going to check out her shop!

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  28. ahem, i need to speak up here and cry foul on one of your commenters. inner toddler is just talking shit. (go to her blog and you will see. she even says herself she talks shit.)

    http://innertoddler.blogspot.com/2010/12/talking-shit.html

    anyway, i know her cute mug in person, and i can say the only true thing she wrote in that line of drivel above is that she has short hair. she's adorable and these gorgeous earrings would look perfect with that kick ass haircut of hers. i'd love them for myself, but in the end, i'm casting my vote for inner toddler.

    p.s. your sister makes rockin' stuff. i hearted her shop AND that peridot necklace.

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  29. What the F! I wrote you a nasty little love letter, with all my blogsbian love declared. AND yes, I made inappropriate remarks about your sister's rack as well.
    Dammit! Where did it go?

    Okay, ANYWAY, I'd cut a bitch for the Hot Pink Vintage Hex necklace!

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  30. I used to not be girlie. Jeans, tshirts, no heels, no purses. What did I need to haul that shit around for? Then somewhere along the line I decided I liked pink, bought 500 purses, some heels and what the hell? Oh well. I have a bazillion rings, but few earrings 'cause I have to wear a stupid phone/headset all damn day and my stupid fucking job. But I love the pink ones, and the the aquamarine peridot ones in her shop.

    And yes, she has a nice rack, but for all we know, you do too, but your hiding it behind that brat.

    Wow, that sounds mean. Damn kids.

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  31. Oh, wait, I was supposed to tell you why I want/need those earrings, right? Because my hubs has been sick since last Sunday and now, finally, today I caught whatever shit he's been coughing out, and yet I have to come to work at my crappy job and talk to nut cases and dirtbags all day, and I don't even get me a nice David Caruso to look at because our police dept sucks ass.
    Wait, did I say that out loud?
    Yah, I did.

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  32. I figure I'm pretty much disqualified because of all the nice stuff I said about you on my blog, so skip on over me.

    But the punk peridot - ugh. To die for. Fabulous stuff.

    (I've decided your blog has created a new phenomenon in the bloggy word. I call it the "Tulpen Effect." Or is that "Affect?" I can never remember. Either way, it's a place where typically mild-mannered mommy bloggers let their inner sailor out to play.

    I fucking love it.)

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  33. I liked it, and not just to get an entry, but to remember to come back-- her stuff it gorgeous. I really fucking want some.

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  34. First words out of my mouth when I saw your sister's Etsy page: "oooo, shiny!" Seriously, those words came out of my mouth. I don't care if I win the pink earrings, because really, I don't have anything pink in my wardrobe. REALLY. But, I totally love the autumn and green colors and I'm thinking maybe Santa's gonna swoop by your sisters and demand that she give him some to drop in my stocking!

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  35. I am not able to tell you how I truly feel, since I have to save those spicy words for a separate post here.

    But, ding dong nab it, I am so so steaming that you are making me go somewhere when I am always so short on time, so I can look at jewelry which I don't wear, because I will do anything you say.

    Pisses me off, cinnamon and apples, but it pisses me off.

    I'll go, I'll heart, I'll add to favorites, all because your sister has a nice ra...--er, because it's your sister.

    Love you, Tulpen.

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  36. I think you should make the rules to all blogging contests. The dancing naked under the moon was my favorite and if you had not asked for video evidence I might have gone for it.

    Your sister's store is full of beautiful pieces. I absolutely love the smokey quartz three strand necklace. Also the citrine pieces. Can you tell I wear a lot of earth tones. Topaz is my birthstone and I prefer the yellow.

    How does your sis like Etsy? Daughter wants me to help her open a craft on line store thingy...

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  37. Okay I'm not going to follow the rules. I don't really swear (except once at the ice cream vendor near the eiffel tower because I was 9 months pregnant and he gypped me). And I'm not going to heart the shop because I like to keep my "real life" profile separate from my blog. So I don't expect to win.

    However, just want to encourage your sister that she makes the BEST jewelry! She is very talented. I love her stuff.

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  38. Holy crap! Her stuff is gorgeous. I love those earrings. I need those earrings. I also need the Something Blue Apatite and Keshi Earrings for many reason. Mostly because I lost six fricking months of comments because I was an ass and tried to do something fancy with my blog. I also need them because my son is teething and its unbearably for him and me. Finally, I need them because I know my husband already got my birthday and Christmas gift so I can't con him into getting both pairs for me.

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  39. This was the sweetest damn post, Tulpen. Really. Your heart overfloweth with sisterly love.

    Those earrings are hot, though. It's like a rainbow crapped out some gorgeous amethysts and hung them from the stars for someone named TARJA. Thank you.

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  40. Are you the one in the picture without the nice rack?

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  41. I don't do jewelry either. Kinda freaks me out. I think it's cause I was born with the cord around me neck.

    Or, possibly, I'm a bit fucked up.

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  42. I had a cat just like your Dog.

    Beautiful earrings.

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