This imaginary friend thing you've got going on? So damn cute I wanna squish you til your head pops off.
I love that Jack is Deaf like your brother, and that sometimes, he is a squirrel.
I was listening the other night, as you ate your soup, talking to your friends, sharing your meal. And when I questioned you about who was at the table with you?
Aylie. That is a cute name. Perfectly adorable and appropriate.
But. The other person at the table? His name?
The granddaddy of bad words. Not just a curse word, but an 'F' word loaded with ignorance and hate.
I would have understood if your new friend's name was 'Skankass', or 'Assclown', or even 'Motherfucker'.
But this very bad 'F' word?
You've NEVER heard this word in this house. Or on TV. Or from anyone you've been around.
I'm quite confident that you've never actually heard this word.
It had to have come from your imagination.
Put it back.
Hey Stupid Arcade At Stupid Sports Bar That is A Stupid Place For A Deaf Kid Birthday Party,
These little credit card thingies that you need to play the games? They are easier than plain old fashioned tokens?
I totally see it;
1. Get the card (which is supposed to have 30 tokens loaded onto it for the birthday party kids),
2. Try card every which way on several games getting same "ERROR" message on every game while trying to soothe anxious Deaf kid.
3. Find kiosk that is supposed to let me load money on card.
4.Find kiosk that isn't out of order and wait many minutes for turn at kiosk, while trying to soothe anxious, pissed off Deaf kid who can't hear a fucking thing in your loud ass fucking arcade.
5. Find attendant and cut him off mid sentence as he starts to school me on how ridiculous cards work.
6. Attendant finally admits that card is indeed fucked.
7. Wait while he gets fist fulls of tokens that I have to then;
8. Take to fucking kiosk and wait for turn while anxious, pissed off, now crying Deaf kid watches all his friends collect thousands of tickets with which to trade in for worthless carnival crap toys.
9. Attempt to salvage arcade fun by playing games FOR anxious, pissed off, crying, jealous Deaf kid so as to acquire enough tickets with which to trade for worthless carnival crap toys.
You can shove up your Skee-Ball chute.
Yeah, I'm talking to you. You are a jerk.
I wasn't mad at you for taking Marian. It was her time. After living a long, challenging, FULL life, her time had indeed come. She left with little suffering, her children at her side and Elvis on the radio.
But my friend's mother? My kids' friends' Nana?
Fifty Fucking Three? Really?
On fucking Thanksgiving?
Fuck you and your four horsemen and your sissy scythe.
What. You're not busy enough? I've got a pretty long list you could pick away at.
I thought you knew me better.
I was all jumpy and clappy when I saw the little gifty package in the mailbox.
Do you know how long it would take me to get drunk using this teeny thing?
Fuck it. I just hung it on the tree. Hope you don't mind.
Why the fuck didn't I come up with this concept for a reality show?
I have a SOUL that's why.
My first giveaway!!!
More Random at UnMom