Tuesday, December 21, 2010




Standing in line at Borders, fifteen people ahead of me.  Being on the receiving end of strange glances as my arms are empty of any apparent purchases.

Waiting anxiously for my turn to get Al's stocking stuffer.

Nearing my turn, noticing the three men and one woman cashier.

Trying to figure out who is going to ring me up.

Getting called over by only woman;

"Thank God I got you.  I need the Christmas Playboy."


Singing Jingle Bells before destroying and devouring Gingerbread house.


Lenny, wide eyed, excitedly telling Owen:

"Nice EARRINGS Owen!!"


A hug, a kiss, and an "I love you" from two sweet ladies at work.


Waking Owen up yesterday morning, signing 'snow' as I did.  Owen rubbing eyes as he looks out the window:

"Oh my cow!!  Look at all the snow!!"


Bea bounding down the stairs:

"Guys!  Did you see?  It snowed!  The trees are all snowed up!"


Bundling Bea up to play in the snow;

"Mom.  I know the best game we can play in the snow. It's called;  'Playing. In. The. Snow.'


After a terrifying ride home from work last night, down rolling hills of winding roads covered in six inches of slush, arriving home in one piece, and finding mysterious package on kitchen counter;

The funniest damn gift I have ever gotten in my whole damn life.

I am Creepy.  My sister is Muffy.  Yes.  We really call each other these names.
Don't ask.

Do go check out her ETSY shop.  And get yourself some pretty.

And check out Snarky Cards while you're there. And get yourself some giggles.

Also.  For all of you:

I hope you get some fucking fantastic gifts.


  1. I started reading your blog a little over a year ago. owen opening everyones swag last year hooked me. I have had such a great time reading about your family, your job and your wine.

    I hope you have the merriest of merries.

  2. Those cards are cool-
    Glad you got the lady-
    Your snow looks awesome- from afar of course.
    Hope you're having a good week!

  3. I love everything about all of this, except for the scary drive.

    But mostly I love "PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!" The kid knows what's good.

  4. The trees are all snowed up!!

    See you soon!!! xoxo

  5. Ahhhh.... your sentimentality just bowls me over.
    Happy Holidays to you and your impressive family Creepy!!!

  6. So far, this IS my favorite gift! Merry Christmas, Tulpen!

  7. My hubby would LOVE that stocking stuffer. He's getting ski gloves and underwear instead. ;) Hope you all have a Merry Christmas--maybe O will be a little more patient this year.

  8. The game of 'playing in the snow' is awesome. I make my kids do it all the time.

  9. Oh my cow, your children are too effing cute.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours!!

  10. Bea and Owen crack me up. I am tempted to have kids just to hear the things they come out with, in the meantime I live vicariously through yours. Merry Merry!

  11. Oh, do I love those. You, over everyone else in this world, will appreciate the "thanks for being fake-family."

    You are so lucky to have a sister who is so much like you.

    Very lucky.

    Blessings to you this year, Tulpen, you have made me laugh hard this year, and you have been so kind to this new blogger.

    I don't know what else to say other than now I see why the internet says of Tulpen, "she'll have you look at your husband, and questioning your sexual preferance."

    Who doesn't want Tulpen.

    We'd all take you.

    And, well, you'd take us,too, because everything is "hot" to Tulpen.

  12. Pillow fight! Pillow fight!!! Damn that boy is a rock star. Big smiles.

  13. Bea is an enthusiastic audience. My 3 year old has no patience when my 1st grader tries to read to him. Owen reads way better, but he won't even sit still for a really basic story. Is Bea still in the hippie preschool? Are they putting something in the snack or is she naturally patient?

  14. Loving those cards. I mean, really. LOVE them.

    You are a better wife than I. I didn't even THINK of Christmas Playboy. Feck.

  15. Oh, I LOVE those cards! The typewriter and the cross-out mistakes are just as cool as the snark!
    PS- Don't you wish we had the enthusiasm that kids do?

  16. Absolutely love the cards!

    Have a great Christmas!

  17. I think my Christmas gift is that picture of the kid in the sombrero eating a gingerbread house. Awesome. So awesome.

  18. Pillow Fight! Love the enthusiasm. I could use some enthusiasm about now, ready to jingle my way into a bottle.

  19. Hmmmm... I wonder what Shane's reaction would be if I were to put the Christmas Playboy in his stocking? ;)

  20. My favorite is "Oh my cow!"


    So sweet. :)

  21. BAH! what a post! of course the cards and playboy story are my favorites!


  22. Who's he calling a cow??? Love that book and all those "if you give a yada a yada" books".

    Have a wonderful Christmas...give my best to my fake family of movie/etsy/elefantens!!!

  23. "Oh my Cow." I might have to steal that one.

    Those cards are a little disturbing--I'm not gonna lie.

  24. Thank you for the smile. Needed that after a long day today. I will raise my hot whiskey glass to you and wish you a Merry Christmas!

  25. A) i want to see your kids rumbble around in the snow.
    b) i'm drunkm
    c) i want some of those cards, creepy
    d) are your kids cute or WHAT THEFUCK?
    3) i'm drunk
    g)did I mention? i'm sitting next t omy recovering alkie mother. the one who hasn't drunk for 30 or 34 or 35 years.

    h( i'm so awesome you want me over for christams evil.

  26. oh my cow. those cards are hilarious. i really should get that stocking stuffer for my hubby. you are a good wife.

  27. Excellent reading, Owen!

    When my son was diagnosed with severe hearing loss, I remember freaking out, wondering how a child could learn to read when he couldn't hear. An ignorant and irrational fear, but one that plagued me. Listening to my son, when he finally learned to read, was such a delicious sensation.

    Love, love, love the cards. Especially the bit about fake-family being better than the real thing. That's so very true... though it sounds like you were lucky to get a cool sister!

    Merry Christmas!

  28. There are so many great things in this post! Christmas Playboy, the game called Play.In.The.Snow, and that sweet, sweet voice reading that book. I could listen to that all day.

    And the snarky cards are hysterical! I would love to send a few to some people, but wouldn't be able to admit they were from me.

    Merry Christmas to you...

  29. Best. Cards. Evah.

    Love this post, too.

    Hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!!!

    (With lots of wine for you. Wink-wink)

  30. All gifts, truly. Aren't kids and snow just the best? Makes me sad we're not back East for the holidays.

    Have a Merry Christmas, Creepy! Love you and your sarcastic-ass blog.

  31. Is there are Christmas Juggs? You should totally ask but not there.

    Also, your kids are lovely.

    Also also, MommaKiss made me laugh hard with her comment. I think we already established that drunk commenting is the best sort of commenting.

    Merry Christmas Tulpen!!! xo

  32. I didn't even know there was a special Christmas Playboy? I wish I was brave enough to buy it for my husband, but my mother lives with us so that is OUT, lol. With our luck she'd totally find it.

  33. Merriest of everything to you and yours Creepy. You make me laugh and you keep it so real.


  34. Wow, talk about joy to the world. Great reading, Owenboy, and love the "check out my bad self" looks over to Bea. Tee-riffic snarky cards; beats the hell out of the fruit of the month club. And wait: Borders sells Playboy? Live and learn...

  35. You are a blessed woman. My sister hasn't made me laugh in about twenty years.

    Merry Christmas!

  36. "Oh my COW!" I think that will just have to be my new phrase for 2011. Thanks, Owen!

    You know I only come here to steal your stuff. :-)

    Bea's "The trees are all snowed up." reminds me of my neighbor's son when it hailed a few years back. (a very rare thing in FL)
    "Mom! It's jumpin' eggs!"

  37. Kids being literate is totally overrated. My Oldest likes to read my Tweets, but that Owen is too adorable.

    It's raining here. Ask Bea what I can do with that shit.

    Merriest of Christmases and Happiest of New Years my dear Tulpen, you skanky slut, you.

    Christmas Playboy. Nice.

  38. Playboy has a special Christmas edition?

    Please, please, please tell me a playmate dressed as Rudolph makes an apperance.

    It would only be right.

  39. The video had me. My girls love the If you give a pig a party/a mouse a cookie books. He did a phenomenal job and I could tell Bea loved listening. ANd he was proud of himself.


    more than the snarky cards and the playboy.

    le sigh. that video just made my day.


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