Finally, The Secret To Weight Loss Success, And Other Random Shit.

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My babysitting bartering arrangement with friend Sally is working out beautifully.  We're not paying for childcare and our kids get along swimmingly.

One teensy problem has arisen though;  her son Lenny has got it bad for Bea.

I got a text one afternoon;

Sally: "Lenny sitting across from Bea, rubbing her back, gazing into her eyes, telling her she's beautiful."

He's three and the kid has got game.

I had him over for a couple hours last week.  He and Bea were sitting at the table playing with Play-Doh;

Lenny: "I love you Bea.  To the galaxy and back."

He's THREE.

Sally is afraid she's going to have to sew a condom on him when he turns thirteen so she doesn't end up a grandmother before she turns forty.

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Lenny's sister Mya, who is almost five, goes to preschool with Bea.  We drive her in two days a week and then have her over for the afternoon. 

She and Bea live in a girly pretend fantasy world complete with princesses, fairies, monsters and witches.

Last week they were pretending they were the witches while I dicked around on the computer.  Keyboard almost got doused with coffee when they marched up to me and announced their witch names:

Huvvah and Dilda.

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Sally told me about this cool stuff you can make, called quicksand, by mixing corn starch and water.

Most mommies probably already know about it.  I'm a little slow with this stuff.

Anyway.  This shit is so much fun.  Bea will play with it for hours.

It looks like a worse mess than it really is.  Cleans up with just a wet sponge.  And the floor?

I went and got myself a new toy, I've been lusting after Sally's for a few weeks, and just had to have one:

And I had to text Sally my love for it:

"So depressing how happy this thing makes me."

"Seriously, my floor has never been cleaner."

"Ok. I need to be in a commercial.  Just dramatically tossed bucket, mop, and Swiffer down cellar stairs."

"Also?  I need to get a life."

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I hardly ever win anything.  Mostly because I don't enter to win anything.

I did submit a post to this little blog writing contest.  And I didn't win.

But I got a mention!

And this post that did win, is fucking awesome.

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And what you've all been waiting for, the secret to weight loss success.  I found it.

Ready?

Have sex in the daytime.  Curtains open.  With the sun shining in through a window.

Horrified, I went and joined Spark People.

The simple calorie counter is right on my CrackBerry.  I need a tool that is easy to use and shows me exactly what I'm putting in my body.

The being constantly hungry part?  Not so easy.

But I miss looking good naked.

Now.  I gotta run.  I've got a lunch date with a fucking carrot.

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More Random with Keely, The UnMom