Saturday, October 23, 2010

If I Wasn't Me, I'd Want To Punch Me In The Throat.

The worst thing about being a nurse is, nope, not the poop;  it is having to work holidays.  As a part timer I have to work one out of three each season.  And I have to work every other Christmas.  I worked it last year, so this year I'll have it off.  Yay.


I've looked ahead a year.  And as my schedule stands now, I'll work Christmas Eve AND Christmas next year.  That just breaks my heart.  So.  I hatched a plan to volunteer myself to work this Christmas again, which means they have to give me the day off next year.

I'm so smaht.

Well, though I try to avoid the rumor mill, slapping my hands over my ears and singing "lalalalalalalalala" when the rumor mongers come calling; I heard a nasty one last week.

Then I heard the same rumor again, from a different person.  I believed that a new nurse, a new grad, was hired to work on my floor every weekend.


This would displace me and put me where ever there is a hole.  I'll show up for work every other weekend not knowing where I'm going to be thrown.

I was mad.  Really mad. Spitting nails and broken glass and other sharp stabby things mad.

I composed a snarky text message to the scheduler in my head.

I imagined a conversation with the Director of Nurses about how I don't appreciate being treated like merely a warm body with a valid nursing license.

I lost sleep even (which is fine as I have piles of extra sleep laying around the house).  I lay awake fuming; with the 'How dare theys?'  and  'They can't do thats!' and the  'I'll just fucking quit, that'll show 'ems'.

At some point in the wee hours of my internal temper tantrum I had a thought,  more of a revelation.  And here comes the throat punchy part, 'cause if anyone ever told me this, I'd want to fucking punch them in the throat:

I have no control over these external factors that are fucking with me.  I do however, have control over my reaction to them.

How obnoxious is that?  I know.  You wanna punch me in the throat.  It's fine. I deserve it.

What's worse?  I felt better.  Instantly.  Anger *poof* gone.

I know why they would put that nurse on my floor.  We're the easiest floor.  We have the most consistent staff.  The nurses she'll be working with every weekend have been nurses for thirty years, and have worked that floor for at least five.  It is the perfect place for a new grad to learn.

I can't go looking for a new job.  I like the place.  I'm not just saying this because I work there, but it is the best place in town, to work or to live.   It looks like a freaking hotel.   Most of us are happy there, the staff and residents.

I made up my mind to face the scheduler and/or Director with a smile, grab my ankles and let them have their way with me.

And when I got to work today, I was greeted by this new nurse.  Hand shakes and introductions and;

"So.  You're going to do every weekend?  You lucked out to get this floor.  You'll get a lot of help.  It is a great place to start."

"Oh. Well, they say this floor is pretty well staffed, so I'll probably be across the building most of the time."

I'm such a dumbass.  Bunk fucking rumor.

Obvious lesson learned.  No more rumors for me.  I promise.

Another thing?  I'm not going to sacrifice this Christmas.  I'm going to work whatever holiday they put me on, most likely Thanksgiving.

Because many things could happen between now and next year;

I could come into gobs of money and no longer need to work.

Al could do so well with his job that I could afford a huge pay cut and work for Hospice.

I could get fired when the Director discovers this blog ( I need to cross Getting fired from a job off my bucket list anyway).

A thousand good or bad things could happen, and I can't plan for any of them. 

I learned all about the best laid plans seven and a half years ago.

But I'll make all sorts of plans to enjoy the crap out of this holiday season anyway.

Right after I punch myself in the throat.


  1. Our own brains take us on the best and worst roller coasters, don't they?

    And I'm with you, preserve what you have now for who knows how long you will have it.

    Crossing fingers that you will write a post in a year laughing this off AND making your holiday travel plans!

  2. Wait a fucking minute here, I'm supposed to be in charge of my own thoughts and reactions?? So now I can just blame myself for being an asshole to myself. Shit.

  3. That's great that you were able to get over your anger to deal with the situation. Can you imagine if you had stormed in and it would have been over nothing?

  4. I always hated working the holidays. I'm impressed that you didn't turn into a crabby bitch about it because I always did.

  5. A ha... learned the SAME lesson this past week. Some ass..just about ruined my business trip... started talking to the bosses & found out none of the shit was true...turns out someone was a little green with envy..

    From now on I am going to go to the source & stop worrying about things I can not control... :-)

  6. OK. So...

    Yours is the second post I've read this morning. The first one was Maggie May and she's talking about the same shit.

    I think someone is trying to tell me something. And Im not gonna punch anyone in the throat. I'm listening and all of a sudden feeling better too.

    I would LOVE to do peds hospice but they kind of don't exist. Maybe one day I'll start my own...

  7. I have a natural tendency to delay gratification. It's something I fight. So when I tell myself not to eat the carton of fresh raspberries within 24 hours of buying them, which I want to do, I tell myself I could be dead tomorrow, so eat them now!

    That usually works.

    It is a much more fulfilling life if you don't push against the natural order of things!

  8. Ah, everyone is guilty of jumping to conclusions before having all of the facts. The important thing is that you didn't burn any bridges. You're awesome. Cut yourself some slack.

  9. Gawd I hate it when you make sense...

  10. I've noticed a while ago that our own imaginations usually do the most damage when we don't know all the facts. Glad it worked out for you. :-)

  11. I am proud of you for letting your anger go, and I am also glad that it was just a rumor. :)

  12. What a rollercoaster of emotion going on here. I'm exhausted now. I think I need a glass of wine. Cheers.

  13. You were just like me until that Zen master shit. That was good. Cuz you do not want to be as crazy as me.

  14. I hate it when I make sense to myself, too.

    Hate growing up like that.

    Still, you can say things are shitty, right?


  15. Getting fired was on your bucket list? Mine is more like quitting by telling them what I really think ; -) But I like my new job so I'll have to come up with something else.

    I think I'll put winning gobs of money on my bucket list.

  16. Uh huh. I hate having to be all mature and grown up and responsible for my actions ;)

  17. YAY! You put up your subscribe box and I love your new header...and no, I didn't read the post because I was too excited about the other things.

  18. You are so right though, and letting shit go feels so much better. Glad things worked out in the end.

  19. But if you stop listening to the rumors what will cause you indigestion? Because if it's not one thing, it's another. You'll stay up late worrying about bills or that funky burrito you ate a lunch. I know, I'm just a ray of freaking sunshine today.

  20. FYI, I'm so throat punching you next time I see you. I mean, when I see you. You know, when I'm trolling down by the bridge. I'll bring you a pompom bracelet to make it all better.

  21. This was the best and I need to realize that I can control my reaction to things that happen to me.

  22. Love the new header. As do others, but I don't let my lack of originality stop me.

    As far as learing all that grown up mature shit about what you can and can't control - well that's a good thing too. It's a hard idea to remember in the moment, especially if you're mid throat punch. Regardless, it's a good approach to strive for.

  23. Yay! Feel-good post! I'm dancing off to bed now. Good revelations!

    And pretty header!

  24. could you lend me some of that sleep? if you still have extra, that is. i like then new header/button, but i do miss that weird wood guy.

  25. aren't there any Jews to work Christmas? that's what we're for. and then you work yom kipur and it's all good. go tell the scheduler.

  26. at least you had time to think about controlling your reaction... even though none was needed. Its so hard sometimes... let me know when you come in to gobs of money!

  27. Yes! Enjoy the crap out of the holidays! Worry about next year later.


Use Your Words.