With Owen, I get double: His own Deaf school (with the extra pages for the hearing aid info, audiologist and ORL info, and all that crap), AND the host public school. Twice the paperwork.
And tonight, the night before the Meet and Greet at Bea's preschool, I'm faced with five pages of the same.
You know what goes great with this stack of paperwork? Yep. A bottle of wine.
Here we go:
Any relevant complications at birth?
Besides the fact that she came flying out of my hoo ha at lightening speed, whizzing past the doctor, and taking my fucking bladder with her? No. Can't think of any.
Please briefly describe your child's daily routine:
Up between 7 and 8am.
Refuses that which she requested.
Plays with imaginary friends.
Follows Mommy around tugging on clothing.
Resists getting in car to run errands.
Responds to bribes of gum if screaming ceases.
Deposits chewed bits of gum where ever she pleases.
But she's not screaming so...
More screaming, whining, bribing, so on and so forth...
Please share any helpful information about your child's bathroom, eating, and sleeping routines:
Fucking. Potty. Trained.
Eats mostly fruit and loves vegetables which makes me fairly certain that there was a mix up at the hospital and some poor woman is raising my child and trying to get her to eat anything but fucking cheese puffs.
Sleeps from 7pm to 7am.
What previous experiences has your child had with other children (e.g.: playgroup, family, programs)?
Lives with Deaf freak show of a brother who tortures her daily with his superhero antics and fartingest ass on the planet.
What are some of your child's favorite toys, activities, television programs and/or stories:
Isn't a big fan of TV despite constant attempts by Mommy to park her ass on the couch so that Mommy can
Insists that Mommy play with her every second of every day. Mommy wondering how bright child is as she should have realized by now that Mommy is a sucky playmate.
Has cast of imaginary friend characters who she talks to more than real humans and who also fart on a regular basis.
Please share some observations or briefly describe your child:
Besides the obvious fact that she's the cutest fucking thing ever to step into your class room?
Teachers find it helpful to gain information about the way families define their race, religion, and culture. Any information you would like to share about your heritage would be appreciated.
Ok. So we're middle class white Americans so culture is a moot point.
As is religion.
Other helpful information you wish to share with us?
When she's freaked out and overwhelmed she communicates in a disturbing blend of demonic baby talk and sign babble.
You'll be seeing a lot of that.
What are your goals and/or expectations for your child in the coming year?
I am looking forward to two mornings every week without the incessant whining, crying, requests, and demands.
Between the three year old Muppet demon and the 40 demented geezers at work, I feel as though I'm being slowly pecked to death.
These few hours every week could possibly save my sanity. If it is not too late. Fingers crossed.
Oh. Expectations for my child?
Don't kill her ok?
Any concerns you wish to share with us about the upcoming school year?
She's gonna drop the F-bomb.
MommaKiss is hosting Friday Flip Offs this week. Even though I'm more of a Fuck You kinda girl, I told her I'd link on up.