Tuesday, August 3, 2010

How Do You Sign; 'My Mommy Is A Sarcastic Bitch'?



Eating supper with Bea and Owen last night.

Bea:  "I need a knife Mom."

Me:  "We're eating macaroni and cheese, what do you need a knife for?"

Bea:  "I'm going to cut Owen up into little pieces."

Me:  "And then what are you going to do with him."

Bea:  "I'm gonna put him in the fridge and save him for later."



You already sleep with the lights on.

Might I suggest you leave your hearing aids in all night?

I would not trust that evil Muppet freak across the hall.


After Owen makes huge mess on kitchen counter with juice which he knows he's not supposed to pour himself, 'cause he sucks at it.

Me, cleaning up sticky juice mess: "Thanks a lot Owen."

Owen:  "Don't say Thank You!  It's not right!"

Me:    "It's called sarcasm kid, get used to it."

Owen:  "Huh?"


Thanks Sis  for sending me this.


I'm glad everyone enjoyed the Boob Story.

The Blow Job story is *ahem* coming later this month.

No.  It is not a tutorial.

Yes.  I had requests for one.


We're not allowed to talk when the TV is on.  The TV barely gets loud enough for Owen to hear it, so when he's watching, nobody makes a peep without being reprimanded;

"No talkin! Can't hear TV!!!"

Al finally fixed the TV so it is loud enough for Owen.

Now that the volume satisfies Owen's Deaf ears, nobody can talk when it is on.

Because it is SO DAMN LOUD.


Kim at allconsuming posted this on her blog.  It made me so happy, I had to share.

If it doesn't make you happy too, you just may be a jerk.

Please don't tell me if you don't like it.  I don't want to think you're a jerk.


More random at UnMom


  1. I can't wait for the blow job story because the boob story made my husband and ME laugh ...a lot!

  2. I knew we'd get a BJ, in the end. I mean a BJ story. Yeah.

    I think you should all sleep with the lights on. And lock up the knives. At least she wanted to save him for later, right?

    And I'd sleep with those guys, too. He has good taste. But he's not gay. Nope. Not at all.

  3. yep all yummy guys I can think of a few more but that is a nice list.

    and yea I agree lock up those knives!

  4. Happy Random! :)

    I am looking forward to the Blow Job story.. LOL It sounds so interesting.. :D haha

  5. I had that song stuck in my head a few weeks ago. Thanks for posting!

    Talk soon. xo

  6. I can't wait until my kids understand sarcasm. It will make my life so much easier.

  7. Yeah, I think I love Bea. My kinda girl!

    Does that make me strange?

    BTW, this song could've been on my Pandora station today. You are so in my head!

  8. I think we need to fix up Owen with my daughter - is he taken yet? (Assuming, that is, that he survives Life With Bea, as I don't want to be fixing up my daughter with anyone who comes neatly packaged in Tupperware...) You see, my kid too had to learn the meaning of the word "sarcasm" at a very tender age. Bear in mind that is a double-edged sword, because now she uses it against me. I forget what I'd said to her this one time, but her response was "Ha. Ha. Ha." *pause* "That? Was me being sarcastic, Mom." (Yes, I know that by pointing out her sarcasm she was thereby diluting its power, but still, she was only 6 at the time. Now that she's 7, girl's got it DOWN. Sigh.)

    Oh and also? If Owen and my kiddo get together, he'd have the most wonderful time at his in-laws' house, because my parents watch the TV and listen to the radio at like a MILLION so he'd be able to hear it no problem, and actually might be able to hear it even without his hearing aids in - it is floor-shakingly loud. Just sayin' ...

    I can't tell you I'm a jerk (yet) because my internet is being all screwy and won't load whatever that is you are trying to share. I'll just assume I like it 'cause I want you to think I'm kewl.

  9. I can show Owen how to sign "mommy's a sarcastic bitch", but I think he may already know.

    So weird that you posted that video. I heard that song on the radio last week and stayed in my parked car until I heard them back-announce who it was.

  10. I went to see them in concert last month- here is my review-

    When monkey one was in a shit mood he said he was going to kill himself and his younger brother calmly pointed to the kitchen and said "there is a butcher knife in there".

  11. I was just getting ready to tell you that Ren saw this band last month. But she just told you. That song is hella catchy. Love that lady singer's voice.

  12. sherri: the first time I heard this I thought: 'Sherri would love this chick's voice'. Yay me for being right!

  13. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha

    (that's all I can muster from my bed. my head's in the sand, I'm pretending it's not going to be flu)

  14. This makes me cry. I'll email you now why.

    The first time I heard it, I cried.

  15. Come on, what else are you supposed to do with big brothers? It's far too much to finish in one sitting.

    Seriously, Owen should watch his back.

    I tried to watch the video but my kids were being too loud, now they're trying to fall asleep and I can't play it with sound, which I would imagine takes away from the overall effect. I'll try it again tomorrow. If I remember.

  16. Loved the video ~going to have the significant other (the one who makes the big bucks) go onto iTunes.

    You have to love that Bea, so calm, so calculating, who knows she may end up being the next Anna Wintour.

  17. i would just like to share that my 'signing' would probably get Owen shot. I'm all about the gang-hands. Sorry Owen.

    mama pop link - hysterical.

    i need to find time to read the boob post. like, you know, in the awakey hours.

  18. Seriously, you could have said anything in this post. Just the title was worth the price of admission!

  19. I laughed out loud at work when I read about her wanting to cut him up with a knife. Too funny!
    I can't watch the video right now....I'll have to come back!

  20. Happy Random! Can't wait for the BJ story.

  21. it is very important to learn and understand sarcasm. glad you are introducing that concept to your kids early on in life.

  22. OMG. I just had the "explanation of what sarcasm is" to my 7 and 5 year olds.

    Now, I say something like:
    "You look really cute in that dress" and they both ask, "are you being sartastic?"

    no matter what I say, they think it's "sartastic" now.

    Maybe I'm much more sarcastic than I think, or they still don't get it.

    anyway, thanks for reading my post over at Miss Empress yesterday. I'll be following you from now on and plan to read the boob story tonite.

  23. For once, I'm not a jerk. I liked it! ...and Bea cracks me up!

  24. Well pass the joint along with the video! Peace, Chica!
    My prayers for Owen's safety and for Bea's sanity.
    Hilarious post!

  25. Bea is one crazy bitch. I love her!


Use Your Words.