Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Really Funny Part Is That He's Not Really A Boob Man.

When Owen first came home from the hospital, we lived in his parents' camper in their back yard. Our lives had been completely uprooted, we were essentially homeless, I was jobless, and we'd gone through every penny of our savings.

Luckily, Owen's birth had brought us home and Al had only to make a couple phone calls and was back to work building houses within two weeks of our landing at Children's.

While I tended to Owen's needs, Al was commuting far, against testy summer traffic, working outside in the summer heat, working hard without complaint. His job was physically demanding and his life emotionally draining.

By the end of the week, there wasn't much left of poor Al.

On a Friday afternoon, after working his ass off all week, he went to the bank to cash his paycheck. It was Friday, so there was a long line.

Al was very tired.

He stood and waited.  A long time.

He was so tired.

His turn was up.

The teller called him over. She was very young.  And very cute.  And had very large breasts stuffed into a very tight shirt. Al  passed her the check and told her he wanted cash.

Did I mention he was very tired?

The unsuspecting teller took the check and asked how he'd like his money;  she was looking for one of two answers;  big bills or small bills.

She was surely not expecting what my poor, overworked, stressed out husband was about to request.

His answer to this poor girl,  and I swear to you on the last bottle of wine on the planet it is the truth, was:

"Big boobs are fine".

I'm sure the rest of the transaction wasn't uncomfortable at all.  She managed an "excuse me", pretending not to have understood, but really wondering what kind of sicko was on the other side of the glass.

Poor girl.

Poor Al.

When Al stepped up into the camper that evening and told me this story, and after I stopped convulsing with laughter and cleaned up my own puddle of pee on the floor; he forbid me to ever repeat it.

I convinced him that it was pure gold, a gift that could keep on giving for years and years.  Then I ran up to his parents' house and told them.

And I called everyone I could think of and told them too.

And as soon as I had a blog, I shared the gold with a bunch of strangers.

Seven years later, we're still snickering about it. 

Sharing the gold makes me happy.

So does Al.

Happy Birthday Babe.

40 comments:

  1. Happy birthday, Al! I'm glad you don't mind your wife continuing to share the gold!

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  2. This is pure gold! Happy Birthday Al!

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  3. Happy Birthday to Owen and Beas dad. Have a lovely week. xo

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  4. I laughed so loud at this post that I scared our dog!! Happy Birthday to the Husband!

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  5. Love it! Men are hardwired to the very last brain cell.... ;)
    Happy birthday husband!!

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  6. I firmly believe this is why blogs were invented. Our poor husbands.

    Man, I so wish I could see mine lose his cool like that!

    Happy Birthday Al, thank you for keeping our Tulpen happy!

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  7. Happy Birthday Boob Man-

    I still want the BJ story- do we need to wait until next year?

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  8. Bahahaha! I've missed your humor...

    Happy Birthday to your Al

    xoxo

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  9. Cheers to big boobs!

    Happy Birthday Al.

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  10. Puh-leez. That is too delicious NOT to share. Happy Birthday to Al.

    I had a similar experience at a Subway once, while ordering the fixin's for my sandwich I managed to request, after the pickles, tomatoes, and lettuce, for a liberal sprinkling of green peckers. The sandwich artiste, rolling with the punches asked me if I also wanted jalapeno peckers with that...

    Ah, well.

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  11. Oh Dear Lord...that is gold! Thanks for sharing! Off to tell MY husband the story.

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  12. I love this story! What a great way to honor Al on his birthday!

    Happy Birthday, Al!

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  13. First - Happy Birthday to Al - a man I do not know.

    ::snicker:: sometimes things like that just make me giggle - telling a complete stranger happy birthday - yet realizing - I sincerely mean it - you gotta love blogs!

    And I all too often have men talk to my boobs...and when redirected by saying, "the girls aren't listening but I am - could you look up please?" They ALL declare they just aren't Boob men???

    ::snort::

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  14. Oh man, that's hilarious! Made my day: )

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  15. HA! and that was the less funny story? now I want to hear the blow job one...

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  16. That's great. I'm always doing stuff like that so it's good to know I'm not alone. Really, have I told you the story about the time I accidentally hit on the gas station worker?

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  17. Happy Birthday, Al! Thanks for letting your wife share the gold! Priceless!

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  18. oh yea that one was funny!!

    Now happy birthday to Al and what about the other story?

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  19. Happy Birthday, Al. And no worries, big boobs are fine. You just spoke the truth.

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  20. That is a very cute story. Sounds like a great guy.

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  21. Poor guy! Happy Birthday Al.

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  22. Hahahahaahhhahahahahahahahahahah!! I bet she went out and got a boob reduction.

    Happy birthday to Himself!

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  23. happy birthday, al! that is the gift that keeps on giving. can't wait to hear the b.j. story, too, one day.

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  24. oh, that was actually very sweet.

    and is now leverage...

    the boob story, a classic. but I know you want to do the BJ one...

    you have my blessings....

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  25. Happy BDay Al. And thanks for making me laugh girl. You never fail me!

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  26. Happiest of birthdays to you, Al! Still laughing over this one...

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  27. Ok, I've got A LOT to catch up on! I'm just going to read this first page before I dive in and catch up on the past few months of your life at the new place.

    BTW, just curious, as to how, you pick everyone's new names...

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  28. Damn! I'm late to the party.

    Sorry Al.

    Happy Booblated Birthday!!

    (sorry again)

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  29. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  30. I meant it so much, I hit it twice. :-)

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  31. HAAAHAAAAAAA! Love it. And it really has been the gift that keeps on giving, hasn't it!

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  32. Too funny! A very happy birthday, Al!

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  33. LOL. Hope Al enjoyed his birthday. That story was awesome. ;)

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  34. Roflmao...that is awesome!!!

    Happy birthday to Al

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  35. Linked you to my blog today.
    www.woogsworld.com
    xoxo

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  36. Sometimes it is perfect when our filters don't work! I had a day at work when I was so so tired (for some reason no longer remembered), plus I was tired of dealing with idiot callers, and I actually answered the phone (instead of "911 what are you reporting?") with "911 what do you want?"
    Luckily the caller was already yapping at me and I'm pretty sure they didn't hear me!

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  37. Great story! Just the kind that needs to be told often.

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