Tuesday, June 22, 2010

With a Jug of Wine in One Hand and A Toilet Brush in the Other.



Owen's school had their end of the year party on Friday.

He asked me to bring his camera.

One of Owen's best friends taking a picture. How freaking cute.

None of those fat people behind the kids is me.


I need to get on the ball and get more posts from the old blog over here.

Here is my favorite Children's Hospital Post.


So, I really wanted an excuse to have one of those big bouncy houses in my yard for a day. I found a rental company and reserved the biggest one. With a giant slide on the side.

I fired off an invitation to Owen's school friends, family, and other misc friends. I figured we'd get a dozen people or so.


That's how many people are going to be in my yard this Saturday.

Most are bringing food. And chairs. And wine.

I'm spending most of this week preparing yard and house for onslaught.

I'm scrubbing every inch of my house. For an outside party.

I'm psychotic.


Bea has been introduced to nail polish by one of her aunties.

We went and bought her her very own polish. Pink for her and she insisted we get blue for Owen.

We now paint her nails almost daily, and for the first time ever, I have painted toenails. I love them.

Part of her manicure the other day involved clipping some rather gnarly nails. She HAD to do it herself.

"See! I can do the clitters myself! See? Clit Clit Clit!!"

She's gonna love that story when she's sixteen.


My little corner of the planet happens to sit on the corner of a large development and a road that takes summer fun seekers to ponds and campgrounds and such.

My little driveway is the obvious choice to turn around if a neighborhood dweller gets to the end of the road and realizes they've forgotten something important.

Like 20 times a day.

My little driveway is also the obvious choice for summer fun seekers to turn around once they realize they've taken the wrong left hand turn.

Like 20 times a day.

My little driveway is home to stupid dog, three year old nugget, and Deaf kid.

If you happened down a stranger's driveway while a person was standing in it with said inhabitants, and owner of driveway asked you nicely to please NOT turn around in her driveway;

Would you argue with her?

Even after she'd explained stupid dog, three year old nugget, and DEAF kid?

Would you continue to argue for FIVE minutes that it is not 'out of the ordinary' to turn around in some one's driveway, while woman stands there pointing to said dog, nugget, and Deaf one?

Would the fact that woman was wielding 24oz wine glass and signing frantically hurt her argument?


We considered placing a spike strip at the end of the driveway.

But settled on parking at the very tippy end of drive, an inch from the road, thus foiling all attempts at turnaroundage.

I very much enjoy watching cars slam on brakes as they fear a car is pulling out of the driveway.


I'm going to Town Hall and requesting a DEAF CHILD sign be posted on my road.


More random at UnMom


  1. Great strategy with the driveway! Your kids are too damn cute !
    40 friggin people- yikes! You are a very brave woman! And, I think one of those fat women is me! :)

  2. People take too many liberties. And on your driveway too! Not on.

    Cars turn around in front of my house, too, and don't leave notes when they scrape cars. Bastards.

  3. As kids we used to live at the end of a rural road that was very often mistaken for another road a bit further on that actaully led somewhere. As kids we used to fly out to the drive soooo excited that we were getting visitors (yes, it was a simple life!!) and then walk back in , all dejected and kicking the dust, "Naw, just a wrongway...."

  4. Nice strategy with the driveway! I bet you can't wait till she is 16 and you can tell her that story! I have a lot of OMG don't say that! stories myself lol

  5. I only paint my toenails, usually only in the summer. It's girly, but I dig it. I love how your kids are so cute and like each other and even don't mind displaying that for pictures. Please come psychotically clean my house, I'm psychotically messy.

  6. I laughed until I snorted with the picture you conjured up of you holding a 24 oz. wine glass and frantically signing. I totally would have not argued with you. And I love how you resolved the turn-around issue - although I may have been tempted to put the spikes out. ;)

    I love the picture of Owen's friend taking a picture - that is way too cute!

    So....giant bounce house with a giant slide? Um, what time's the party? I'll bring lots of wine! ;) I scrub every inch of my house for an outside party, too. Guess that means we're both psychotic. ;)

    RTT: Bugs, Wildlife and Dinosaurs

  7. Hope you have a fun party! I think you should put up nice sturdy gates at each end of your driveway. Good fences make good neighbors.

  8. CLITTERS!!!!! Fucking awesome.

  9. Great, so I'll see you on saturday, then! With my family of 4. And the dog :p

    We'll bring the clit-ters.

  10. Whatever happened to, "Gee, sorry about that?" People have an odd sense of entitlement these days.

    I thought it was cute that LG calls the nail clippers, "Clipsh". But clitters has him, hands down.

    Now I want a bounce house. Just for me and my kids, though. And some adult bouncing after dark. What? Is that so wrong?

  11. Great story T.

    I would not have argued because I assume all crazy American's own guns- probably a few sane ones but I'm not as scared of them.

    Getting the sign is a good idea- so are the spikes-

    I thought you hated the dog?

    I kicked my dog out of the house yesterday and told him to go play in traffic cuz he would NOT STOP BARKING as the monkeys built a fort outside for three hours-

  12. My neighbor rents a giant water bouncy slide every year for her sons birthday. It's the most anticipated birthday party of the year. We wait for the kids to go to bed and we all get tanked and use it. Good times.

  13. i say do the spike strip:) there is a house on a street here that must have that problem because they have a sign saying "no turn around spike strip will be deployed" i get a chuckle every time I see it. but seeing people freak out thinking a car is backing out in front of them is also hilarious.

    oh and we have one of those inflatable water slides they are so much fun

  14. Good times are in store with your bouncy house festivus! Take lots of pics.

    I think I peed myself over the clitters! Mine used to cuss incognito b/c had a speech delay and subbed h for f...he made me smile every time he said, "Awwww, huck!" I'm a terrible mom, I know. Since he got his f sound I have to closely monitor his frustration.

    One vote here for the spike strip but just know you all will run it over at least twice. At least, if you are anything at all like me you would!

  15. YES on the Deaf Child sign! I see those all the time, and I hope they make everyone perk up and be a bit more observant. I definitely am when I come near one.

    Also, how about those yellow "kid" signs, holding the flags? (Like this: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2605813) One or two of those at the end of your driveway? Sucks that you'd have to do it, but better to go to the trouble than have some idiot mow you guys down.

  16. "I'm scrubbing every inch of my house. For an outside party".....That's the only thing I don't do before a party is clean...Yes, I do my 'normal' cleaning and straightening up throughout the week, but the day of and the day before, I do nothing but cook and pick up after the cooking messes I make...The house will be filthy after the first few guests arrive anyway, so why bother .....Just wait until after the last guest leaves!

    Clitters is the most funniest thing I have read in awhile...thanks for sharing!!!

  17. Nothing like company to make you notice the grime.

    I love that you parked your car at the end of the driveway. And I definitely think you should get a deaf kid sign. Have Town Hall add a "fuck you" to it.

    Just make sure you tell Bea that nail polish and clits don't mix. The remover stings when you want a different color.

  18. My first visit here and I almost couldn't get past the 'clitters' for laughing so hard.

    Happy RTT!

  19. Painted toenails are some summer fun. I will bring down some polish for Do-Bea.

    Can't wait for bounce house.

    Also, you need that Deaf Kid sign and the kid playing sign at end of driveway might work too... People are idiots.

  20. "turnaroundage"
    love that...and it would annoy the shit out of me....
    so who was holding the wine, you or her?

  21. you could have gotten 5 posts out of this material! and you are now challenging my poor brain to remember all (i almost flunked reading comprehension as a kid! REPEATEDLY!)!

    the clit story kills me!

    and i hope the party is a huge success! i am sure it will be, and i am glad that WINE will be there for the adults! ;)

  22. Dude. I would have just turned to Bea and said, "Sweetie, will you go get Daddy's shotgun?" Who care if it's out of the ordinary? If you ask someone to GET OFF YOUR PROPERTY they should. Period. Man, you got me all steamed up over here.

  23. Yeah, I'd be designing driveway blocks too.

    Then going inside with my clitters.

  24. WTF is wrong with people? Why not just say "I'm sorry!" and stop turning around in your driveway?
    Ugh. I love the spike strip idea!

  25. Nice random! Your parking at the end of the drive seems the best solution and I hope they give you your sign. However, perhaps the spike strip would prove a more lasting impression. Just sayin'.

  26. Oh,gaaa!!! But I love you.

    The visual of you cleaning is too much. I have peepee in my underwear now.

  27. Even your post titles crack me up. And drunken bounce house is always a good plan. Well, after the kids are done. I'm just sayin.

  28. LMAO! I love your Random Tuesday Thoughts as much as your Fuck You Fridays.

  29. Ack! Get one and put it up yourself and then sign frantically at any city officials who dare question it :)


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