Monday, May 9, 2011

Yesterday. Today.


Awake 7am.  Alone.  Bliss.  Kids, Al, downstairs.

Lounge. Laze. Read.

Smells:  Bacon, home fries, coffee.

Can't. Resist. Smells.

Out of bed.

Resolute: Will not perform a single motherly duty this day.  Not pick up a toy. Not fill a sippy cup. Not wipe an arse.

Kitchen;  "Happy Mother's Day!  Daddy got you a present!"

Very twinkly.  Very sparkly.

Better than few years ago gift of new scrubs; because I'm a working mom.  Duh.

Five years ago gift certificate for massage; which sits in desk unused.

Last year gift; jack. As in shit.

Greasy breakfast indulgence.  Calories on mother's day do not count. Magic like.

Family gone.  Flowers and seeds and soil and other untold garden provisions to be purchased.

Alone. Bliss.

Bed. Book. Snooze.

Treat wanting.

Clean breakfast mess.  Not as motherly duty. 

Treat making requires clean kitchen slate.  Issues.  Mine.

Chocolate Chip Cookies. Dough. Yum.

Sample several one from each batch. 

Family home.

Play in garden. Spread mulch.


"No Owen; MULCH."




Close enough.

Cold outside.  Kids whining.

Bail on family.

Back inside.


Dick around.

Piss pants:

"Look at that sleepy fuck." Gold.

Bed. Book.

Shower. Shave things.




Al done with gardening.

He smells of dirt and sweat and hard work.


Offers of certain favors as thanks for lovely ring and relaxing day.



Chicken Kiev. Al specialty. My favorite.


Kids to bed.



Morning favors will have to suffice.


Get up 6:30am, grab laundry, grab Owen's school clothes, wrangle kids downstairs, fight over breakfast, no you can't have cookies for breakfast, wrangle Owen into bathtub, sneak cookie, empty dishwasher, put clothes in washer, pick up every single toy children own off every inch of floorspace in downstairs, get Owen out of tub, clean bathroom; sink, toilet, tub, hunt down Owen's backpack, fight over filling of backpack with actual books and not superhero toys and DVDs, pick up every book children own off of playroom floor and place them in their proper places organized by child, topic and size, vacuum playroom, make grocery list, text friend: Gonna drop kids off on your way to gym?, kids arrive, Lenny age three, Mickey age one, wrestle Bea into clothes, short bus claims Owen, kids play, vacuum rest of downstairs with Mickey on hip, friend back from gym, have tea while kids play, friend leaves, switch laundry over,  to grocery store, ensure spot in Hell by asking to bag  groceries myself, ignore hairy eyeball from cashier, home, groceries away, throw lunch at Bea, wash kitchen floor, quickie blog post, shower, drop Bea off with friend, go to fucking work for eight hours.


  1. Tomorrow: FUUUUUUUUUCK.
    Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday should probably look the same. :-)

  2. I love the sparkle!

    My husband wanted to do yesterday over again. I really wish we could. Sounds like you might wish for that, too.

  3. I love it. Great post -- nothing like hitting the ground running after a relaxing day. I'm most impressed by your favors --

  4. lol the day goes too quickly and all too quickly everything goes back to normal. moms work is never done.

  5. Your yesterday sounds great. I happened to get what you got last year this year so I'm hoping for that ring next year.

  6. Walk your honey badger on a leash, that'll get those kids to show you a little more respect.

  7. That is one sparkly Mother's Day present! And you deserve each glint and sparkle that comes off of each faceted gem.

  8. I almost dread days that I don't "do any work" because I know I will do double duty the next day. But hey, gotta burn those cookie calories, right?

  9. I like your shiny ; )

    Good for Al and the kids getting out from underfoot.

  10. Yeah but the honey badger, he don't care bout all that...

  11. Ahhhh, what a difference a day makes, eh?

    P.S.Honey Badger don't give a shit.

  12. Yeah, you should have just stopped with yesterday.

  13. And now I will watch more videos narrated by Randall until like midnight. I don't give a fuck.

  14. That ring is so beautiful! I love it! Especially the blue sapphires! You are lucky to have such a wonderful husband! I am glad you had a great Mother's Day! :)

  15. I have never seen anything narrated by Randall. Oh my sweet word. That is some funny shit.

    Oh my God.

    Happy Mother's Day. And boo on real life.

  16. The only thing funnier than that honey badger is you.

  17. You need an instant rewind button, because that day was perfect.

    I LOVE the honey badger video. The narration is a win.

  18. Work. It's work that sucks, I'm sure of it. Stupid money-needing.

  19. My wife asked for, practically begged for a food processor. So, she got a food processor and a kid/dog free day. I still feel like am absolute putz for the food processor.

  20. ain't gonna lie, I totally laughed Loudly at "throw lunch at Bea." 
    Sunday of Mother's day - just another day with huge expectations. I love your lazy-ness, reading-ness and eating-dough-ness.  That's all I ever ask for.

  21. I am the queen of wine wine wine offers of favors wine wine wine

    (morning favors will have to suffice).

    Aren't our husbands lucky?

    For real.

    And one cookie from each batch?

    We're lucky, too.

  22. I love the honey badger. Tough shit, that one.

    Yesterday, heaven. Today? Not so much. I agree with Sprite's Keeper. Fuuuuuck.

  23. so, no morning favors then? ;)

  24. Ah, reality bites. Any leftover cookies to help you through?

  25. Ooooh look at the pretty, pretty jewelry.

    And the honey badger? Killing me. Definitely a nasal enema moment.

    Another great post. *cough-blog envy-cough*

    Happy belated Mother's Day!

  26. No wine on day 2? Really? I drank more on Monday.

  27. Reality sucks a mean dick, doesn't it?! Glad you had a rockin' Mom's Day. :)

  28. No Way.

    That ring is exactly my taste.



  29. pretty clear which day was the winner. lol

  30. Happy belated mama's day. Mine was o.k.
    Nice bling / nice post!

  31. What an awesome Mother's Day! I love that you get sparkly things and a bunch of wine into one day. :)

  32. I'm tired-
    just from reading this.
    I need a nap (a la Post+Taste)
    I'm showing my monkeys the badger video- I think that makes me a great mom.

  33. I'm exhausted just contemplating that.

  34. mother's day breakfast and alone time is pretty much the perfect mother's day. making the next day all the more painful.


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