Monday, May 9, 2011

Yesterday. Today.

Yesterday:

Awake 7am.  Alone.  Bliss.  Kids, Al, downstairs.

Lounge. Laze. Read.

Smells:  Bacon, home fries, coffee.

Can't. Resist. Smells.

Out of bed.

Resolute: Will not perform a single motherly duty this day.  Not pick up a toy. Not fill a sippy cup. Not wipe an arse.

Kitchen;  "Happy Mother's Day!  Daddy got you a present!"

Very twinkly.  Very sparkly.



Better than few years ago gift of new scrubs; because I'm a working mom.  Duh.

Five years ago gift certificate for massage; which sits in desk unused.

Last year gift; jack. As in shit.

Greasy breakfast indulgence.  Calories on mother's day do not count. Magic like.

Family gone.  Flowers and seeds and soil and other untold garden provisions to be purchased.

Alone. Bliss.

Bed. Book. Snooze.

Treat wanting.

Clean breakfast mess.  Not as motherly duty. 

Treat making requires clean kitchen slate.  Issues.  Mine.

Chocolate Chip Cookies. Dough. Yum.

Sample several one from each batch. 

Family home.

Play in garden. Spread mulch.

"Mush?"

"No Owen; MULCH."

"Mull?"

"MULCH."

"Much?"

Close enough.

Cold outside.  Kids whining.

Bail on family.

Back inside.

Cookies.

Dick around.

Piss pants:



"Look at that sleepy fuck." Gold.

Bed. Book.

Shower. Shave things.

Wine.

Wine.

Wine.

Al done with gardening.

He smells of dirt and sweat and hard work.

Yum.

Offers of certain favors as thanks for lovely ring and relaxing day.

Wine.

Wine.

Chicken Kiev. Al specialty. My favorite.

Wine.

Kids to bed.

Wine.

Zzzzzzzz.

Morning favors will have to suffice.

Today:

Get up 6:30am, grab laundry, grab Owen's school clothes, wrangle kids downstairs, fight over breakfast, no you can't have cookies for breakfast, wrangle Owen into bathtub, sneak cookie, empty dishwasher, put clothes in washer, pick up every single toy children own off every inch of floorspace in downstairs, get Owen out of tub, clean bathroom; sink, toilet, tub, hunt down Owen's backpack, fight over filling of backpack with actual books and not superhero toys and DVDs, pick up every book children own off of playroom floor and place them in their proper places organized by child, topic and size, vacuum playroom, make grocery list, text friend: Gonna drop kids off on your way to gym?, kids arrive, Lenny age three, Mickey age one, wrestle Bea into clothes, short bus claims Owen, kids play, vacuum rest of downstairs with Mickey on hip, friend back from gym, have tea while kids play, friend leaves, switch laundry over,  to grocery store, ensure spot in Hell by asking to bag  groceries myself, ignore hairy eyeball from cashier, home, groceries away, throw lunch at Bea, wash kitchen floor, quickie blog post, shower, drop Bea off with friend, go to fucking work for eight hours.
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35 comments:

  1. Sprite's KeeperMay 9, 2011 at 1:04 PM

    Tomorrow: FUUUUUUUUUCK.
    Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday should probably look the same. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. EvonneMay 9, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    I love the sparkle!

    My husband wanted to do yesterday over again. I really wish we could. Sounds like you might wish for that, too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ElizabethMay 9, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    I love it. Great post -- nothing like hitting the ground running after a relaxing day. I'm most impressed by your favors --

    ReplyDelete
  4. AdrienneMay 9, 2011 at 2:37 PM

    lol the day goes too quickly and all too quickly everything goes back to normal. moms work is never done.

    ReplyDelete
  5. JessicaMay 9, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Your yesterday sounds great. I happened to get what you got last year this year so I'm hoping for that ring next year.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mrs. TunaMay 9, 2011 at 3:04 PM

    Walk your honey badger on a leash, that'll get those kids to show you a little more respect.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Caitlin MidAtlanticMay 9, 2011 at 3:55 PM

    That is one sparkly Mother's Day present! And you deserve each glint and sparkle that comes off of each faceted gem.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousMay 9, 2011 at 5:10 PM

    I almost dread days that I don't "do any work" because I know I will do double duty the next day. But hey, gotta burn those cookie calories, right?

    ReplyDelete
  9. UnknownMay 9, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    I like your shiny ; )

    Good for Al and the kids getting out from underfoot.

    ReplyDelete
  10. LizbethMay 9, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    Yeah but the honey badger, he don't care bout all that...

    ReplyDelete
  11. ShannonMay 9, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    Ahhhh, what a difference a day makes, eh?



    P.S.Honey Badger don't give a shit.

    ReplyDelete
  12. JenMay 9, 2011 at 9:41 PM

    Yeah, you should have just stopped with yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
  13. LynnMay 9, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    And now I will watch more videos narrated by Randall until like midnight. I don't give a fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Red ShoesMay 10, 2011 at 12:24 AM

    This was great... :o)

    ~shoes~

    ReplyDelete
  15. Pink (AKA Lucia)May 10, 2011 at 3:35 AM

    That ring is so beautiful! I love it! Especially the blue sapphires! You are lucky to have such a wonderful husband! I am glad you had a great Mother's Day! :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Nancy CMay 10, 2011 at 7:33 AM

    I have never seen anything narrated by Randall. Oh my sweet word. That is some funny shit.

    Oh my God.

    Happy Mother's Day. And boo on real life.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Cathy Olliffe-WebsterMay 10, 2011 at 8:09 AM

    The only thing funnier than that honey badger is you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Liz MaysMay 10, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    You need an instant rewind button, because that day was perfect.

    I LOVE the honey badger video. The narration is a win.

    ReplyDelete
  19. KLZMay 10, 2011 at 10:53 AM

    Work. It's work that sucks, I'm sure of it. Stupid money-needing.

    ReplyDelete
  20. JohnMay 10, 2011 at 10:54 AM

    My wife asked for, practically begged for a food processor. So, she got a food processor and a kid/dog free day. I still feel like am absolute putz for the food processor.

    ReplyDelete
  21. MommaKissMay 10, 2011 at 11:12 AM

    ain't gonna lie, I totally laughed Loudly at "throw lunch at Bea." 
    Sunday of Mother's day - just another day with huge expectations. I love your lazy-ness, reading-ness and eating-dough-ness.  That's all I ever ask for.

    ReplyDelete
  22. JulieMay 10, 2011 at 11:21 AM

    I am the queen of wine wine wine offers of favors wine wine wine

    (morning favors will have to suffice).

    Aren't our husbands lucky?

    For real.

    And one cookie from each batch?

    We're lucky, too.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Mama BadgerMay 10, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    I love the honey badger. Tough shit, that one.

    Yesterday, heaven. Today? Not so much. I agree with Sprite's Keeper. Fuuuuuck.

    ReplyDelete
  24. kimMay 10, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    so, no morning favors then? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Just A Normal MomMay 10, 2011 at 6:25 PM

    Ah, reality bites. Any leftover cookies to help you through?

    ReplyDelete
  26. The Zany HousewifeMay 10, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    Ooooh look at the pretty, pretty jewelry.

    And the honey badger? Killing me. Definitely a nasal enema moment.

    Another great post. *cough-blog envy-cough*

    Happy belated Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete
  27. PoppyMay 11, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    No wine on day 2? Really? I drank more on Monday.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousMay 11, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    Reality sucks a mean dick, doesn't it?! Glad you had a rockin' Mom's Day. :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. AlexandraMay 11, 2011 at 12:12 PM

    No Way.

    That ring is exactly my taste.

    Congrats.

    Congrats.

    ReplyDelete
  30. drollgirlMay 11, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    pretty clear which day was the winner. lol

    ReplyDelete
  31. essbeseeMay 11, 2011 at 9:03 PM

    Happy belated mama's day. Mine was o.k.
    Nice bling / nice post!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Kelly Deneen RaymondMay 12, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    What an awesome Mother's Day! I love that you get sparkly things and a bunch of wine into one day. :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Ren- Lady Of The ArtsMay 12, 2011 at 12:34 PM

    I'm tired-
    just from reading this.
    I need a nap (a la Post+Taste)
    I'm showing my monkeys the badger video- I think that makes me a great mom.

    ReplyDelete
  34. MwaMay 13, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    I'm exhausted just contemplating that.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Susie LubellMay 15, 2011 at 3:15 AM

    mother's day breakfast and alone time is pretty much the perfect mother's day. making the next day all the more painful.

    ReplyDelete

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