That Deaf And Blind Kid Sure Plays A Mean Pin The Tail On The Donkey

A few years ago, my friend Jenna and I were discussing her new patient.  Our supervisor Mark was walking by the nurse's station just as Jenna was describing this patient as 'Deaf as a Haddock'. Mark's face fell with stern disapproval as he asked Jenna to step into his office.

A minute later, Jenna came out of the office, a befuddled looking Mark right behind her as she wiped tears off her face. 

Tears of laughter;

"He just reprimanded me for the 'Deaf as Haddock' comment!  Bwahahahahaha!"

Mocking Mark;

"'You know Tulpen has a Deaf son right? You wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.' He thought I'd offended you!  YOU!!!!  Bwahahahahahahahah!!"

Poor Mark.  In defending my tender sensibilities in regards to my unfortunate circumstances, he was left feeling like a tool.  Attempting to redeem himself, he told me a wickedly dirty and inappropriate Deaf joke:

Bob and Mary are a newlywed Deaf couple, who communicate only in Sign.  Since they cannot communicate once the lights are out, Mary decides on a signal that Bob will use to let her know he wants to have sex;

Mary: "If you want to have sex, touch my right breast.  If you don't want to have sex, touch my left breast."

Bob:  "Ok.  And if you want to have sex, stroke my penis once.  If you don't want to have sex, stroke my penis 537 times."

Love that joke.

So yeah, difficult to offend me.  And?  Though I don't go out of my way to make people squirm, it does tend to happen often.

This past weekend Bea attended a birthday party for a preschool friend Ella.  Owen tagged along.

I know the Mommies from school hardly at all, and they knew nothing of Owen until I started introducing him, signing and talking.  Flashes of recognition on their faces - I was one of those Mommies. No questions were asked. 

The kids all ran off and the Mommies congregated in the kitchen discussing the latest Land's End catalog.  Having nothing to add to that conversation, I parked myself on the couch in front of the chip bowl, next to birthday girl's dad.

A big Polynesian looking guy, tall, round, ever smiling, and possibly drunk, the first thing he does is pepper me with questions about Owen.  Guys can be better at this I've learned.  Curiosity without the pity is my favorite.  He ended up hearing most of Owen's story.

The time came for party games. A girly version of Pin The Tail On The Donkey; each kid had a princess sticker they were to try to stick in the tower.  The kids lined up, birthday girl first, Owen next to last.

When his turn was up, Ella's Mommy did what she'd done to all the other kids;  blindfolded Owen.

Which I thought was hysterical;

"Nice!  Blindfold the Deaf kid!  Total sensory deprivation time!"

Ella's Mommy, horror stricken, sputtered some uncomfortable apologies as she finished tying the knot at the back of Owen's head.  Other Mommies stared blankly at me, faces frozen, clueless as to what the appropriate response should be.

Drunk Tiki God Daddy nearly spit his gin and tonic across the kitchen, before proceeding to laugh his ass off.  I accepted a glass of Chardonnay from him as we continued giggling.

Mommies scattered toward dining room for cake and ice cream, looking at Tiki God and myself like we were ass holes.

Which is an important lesson for the Mommies to learn.  That Mommies of the especially needy can be jerks just like normie Mommies.

And that a blinded Deaf kid will mop the fucking floor with the sighted Hearing kids at Put the Princess in the Tower.