Awesomesauce: Now With More Awesome!

*******

Friday night.  Sister and myself drinking and cooking supper.  Kids playing in living room.

Bea calls out in whiney sing-songy I'm telling voice:

"Mom!!!  Owen said he's more awesome than me!!!"

Awesome.


*******

Saturday morning, Owen has been up for who knows how long, talking to himself about his cousin Ned coming over for Halloween party.  Bea, half asleep, bumbles into living room;

Owen:  "Bea!!  Saturday today!  Ned coming!  Wear costumes and eat candy and donuts and play games and go outside and have fun!!  Ned coming!  I already write him a letter see!  This gonna be fun!!!"

Bea:  "I woke up."

*******

Ned and his parents over Saturday for very small Halloween party. 

Sister in law Jan works in big office in big city.  Very professional.  Very big paycheck.

She tells me very funny story.

She was able to have Ned at the office on Friday for a party.  Ned dressed as Iron Man and Jan (per her team's decision) is dressed as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.  Jan is less than thrilled.

They are heading down the elevator, in full costume.  The elevator stops and lets on a woman whom Jan knows, but not well.  Polite glances and nods are exchanged. 

As the elevator starts going down, Ned, unashamed, asks his mother;

"Why does my penis tingle when the elevator moves?"


*******

Saturday night.  First sleepover for Ned.  All three kids are in Owen's room.  Ned and Bea tucked in on air mattress on floor,  Owen in his bed next to them.  Hugs.  I love yous.

Owen's hearing aids stored away for night.

Bea and Ned are talking.  Telling stories.  Singing songs.  Owen laying there watching.  Not hearing them.  Looking sad.

I feel so bad for Owen.  This is a new thing.  The feeling bad for him.  And it is happening more and more often.  I do not like it.

So I barge into the room and start signing excitedly to Owen.  He perks right up, his face lights right up.

Because I'm signing bad words.  'Poop' and 'Fart' and how stinky Bea and Ned's butts are.  I sign and flail until my arms are sore. 

*******


They kick me out.

*******

Kids horse around for two hours.  I wake up at 3am to voices.  Owen is sitting up, cross legged in bed, reading a book to Ned.


*******

Sunday, have Ned til lunchtime.  Everyone naps til suppertime.

Costumes donned, and head to friends house where large gang has convened to scour neighborhood for candy.

It is freezing cold.

Not a single decent picture is taken by me.

*******

We get exactly two trick or treaters.

I open door to find two teenage boys with serial killer masks.

"Ummm.  I'm going to need to see some ID."

Boys start fishing around pockets.

"Hehehehe.  If you actually have ID, you're too old to be trick or treating dudes.  Take some fucking candy.  And behave yourselves tonight."

*******

I'd dressed up as a witch with a green face.  I looked way hot.

The green wouldn't wash off all the way.

I went to work yesterday with a lovely green pallor.

People noticed.

*******

This morning Bea shows me EMPTY candy bag.  Bag held a lot of candy when I went to work yesterday afternoon.

"Bea, where's all your candy?"

"I ate it all.  Without asking"

Awesome.