Yeah, its me, the jerk who goes around bragging about how she never gets sick.
Well. This was the worst cold I've had in years. With the body aches and throbbing sinuses and popping ears and everything.
It is bad enough feeling like dog crap, but when you're the Mommy, you're still expected to give a shit about your offspring. And even worse, when you're a nurse, you're expected to give a shit about the people you're paid to give a shit about.
When all you really want is to lay in bed and have someone give a shit about you. I mean ME. Yeah. ME.
Thank you Rhinovirus:
After I sneezed on my favorite little cutie, I got worried that this cold just might kill one of my patients. So I called in sick to work on Tuesday. Can't have any dead old ladies on my conscience.
That means that I got to get all hopped up on cold medicine and watch Glee!
Even though it made me cry. Glee gives good cry.
Fuck You Old Lady:
For insisting on repeatedly comparing the consistency of your poop to Bacon.
For the love of all that is crispy, salty, fatty, artery clogging perfection; is NOTHING sacred??
Thank You Other Older Lady:
For despite our numerous attempts at explaining why it will not work, you keep requesting cough syrup to ease the pain in your aching vagina.
Perhaps in your 500 years on the planet, you've discovered a use for it that we've overlooked.
It doesn't matter. The Robitussin Douche jokes will go on for years after you
Fuck You Ear Wax.
Why can't you be like other bodily substances that have the good sense of expelling themselves from a body without horrific extraction procedures?
Even with a dose of Ativan (cleverly hidden in a peanut butter cup), poor Owen was so thoroughly petrified that it took three of us to hold him down. And he still managed to thrash around enough for the doctor to maul his ear canal.
The blood running down his face was a nice touch.
And since his ear took such a beating, he can't wear his hearing aid on that side for three days, which means he can't hear shit. Well, less shit than he could before.
Thank You ORL Doctor And Staff At Satellite Office:
Because even though you hurt my kid, you look exactly like this guy, and who can stay mad at that goofy ass face?
And you also have convenient appointments for hearing test that needs to be done soon, and appointments at main office are near impossible to get and are too far away anyway.
Yep. Fuck You Entire Fucktastic Week.
Thank You Dear Sweet Boyfriend O' Mine:
Looks like I need to take back every bad thing I've said about Twitter, because I happen to follow your hot ass on there, where I learned of your EP release. Which I of course downloaded right away.
You are the best pretend boyfriend in the history of pretend boyfriends.