Thursday, July 22, 2010

Thirteen Things And Readers Choice.

13Mad Woman does a Thursday Thirteen so I'm gonna too.  Don't know her?  She's fun.  She posts pics of hot men.  And women.   I wanna get drunk with her and ogle hot men.  And women.

12:  I worked Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.  Four 3 - 11 shifts with my wacky bunch of old geezers and geezerettes.  Many of them, the very demented ones, can wear a girl down.  The same questions/complaints/demands; "Where's my daughter?",  "I can't find my daughter.",  "Call my daughter and tell her to get me out of here." - over and over and over again.

Sometimes I sneak off to the bedside of an alert and oriented resident, sit down, and have a normal chat.

     12.1:  Tuesday was my last day of work before my vacation.  No work for 19 days.  Yay me.

     12.2:  I made sure my favorite (they're not like children, I'm allowed to pick favorites) residents got a hug and a kiss and an I Love You before I left on Tuesday night; 19 days being long enough for those on the last leg of the journey to get sick and die.

     12.3:  I hope nobody dies while I'm gone.  It bothers me to be a part of the show for so long and then miss the finale.

     12.4:  You totally just imagined a decrepit old person sitting up and doing jazz hands the moment before they croaked didn't you?

11:  DaniG pointed me toward this website that is clearly a gift from the Universe to ME.

10: Owen and Bea playing Harry Potter wands with sticks yesterday.  Owen wants to know a real spell.

      Me: "Expecto Patronum!"

      Owen: Takes aim at my heart with his stick and looks me in the eye; "Pecker Tronem!"

      Bea: Takes aim with her stick:  "Petunias!!"

9:  Brought my car in for a much overdue inspection sticker and oil change.  The thing has been paid off for two years and I haven't had to do any work on it.  I expected it would need something.  I expected something expensive.

I had no transmission fluid.  NONE.  The guy didn't know how I'd made it to the shop and begged me not to drive it until it was fixed.  I agreed and was about to take him up on the offer of their shuttle to take me home as I didn't want his $100 rental.  We got to the counter and the girl there told him;

"Just got the Prius back. She can have that."

For free.

8:  Ever driven a hybrid?  Push a button to start it.  Sounds like a toaster.  Actually, my toaster is louder.

     8.1:  My next car is gonna be a toaster.

7:  After supper this evening.  Kids watching TV.  Me playing with phone.  Drinking WATER.

     Bea:  "Where's your wine Mom?"

6:  Is a stupid number. I got nothing.

5:  Oh yeah, playing with my phone. I figured out how to blog from it.  Yep.  That 'test' post that nobody can see?  From my phone.  This could be fun.

4:  'Cause we're leaving for vacation on Sunday.  Three couples, six kids ages 18 months to 7 years old; big house, amusement park, water park, unknown outdoor adventures. 

3:  Vacation sounds not very relaxing.

2: But drinking wine is.  Poured a big glass two seconds after the kids went to bed.

     2.1:  You just gasped that I actually waited for the kids to be in bed didn't you?

1:  Al's birthday is Sunday.  He'll be 42.  I'm going to re post a silly Al story.  You get to pick.  So. What'll it be?  Boobs or Blow jobs?  Leave your choice in the comments and the winner will be posted on Sunday.


  1. Have a most fantastic vacation, Toots!

    Oh, I pick "boobs."

  2. I vote blow jobs.

    19 days! yea you.

    I'm trying to decide what to call myself...... I just changed the name of my blog....

    Pseudo still??? New moniker? TP? TPM? Malibu Barbie-Not?

  3. Well, look at that. It picked it for me, I didn't get to choose...

  4. Pseudo! You did it!

    I pick boobs. I love that story. But blow job would be fine too.

    Hope we get to see you guys next week. xo

  5. Boobs would be hilarious. But either way...

    Here's to your next toaster, uh, car. I can just see an oversized toaster coasting silently down the street and totally wrecking my bike. Damn those hybrids.

  6. So glad to hear you have !19~! days off! good for you!

    I think I could get into driving a toaster.

    I am totally hoping when I croak someone I love is nearby for me to do jazz hands to at the last moment. I'm not kiddding. I also want the theme from the Rockford Files played at my funeral. Again, not kidding.

    I vote blow jobs.

    Oh, and remind me AGAIN what kind of pinot grigio you drink, Chardonnay is getting on my nerves lately.

  7. So glad to hear you have !19~! days off! good for you!

    I think I could get into driving a toaster.

    I am totally hoping when I croak someone I love is nearby for me to do jazz hands to at the last moment. I'm not kiddding. I also want the theme from the Rockford Files played at my funeral. Again, not kidding.

    I vote blow jobs.

    Oh, and remind me AGAIN what kind of pinot grigio you drink, Chardonnay is getting on my nerves lately.

  8. Boobs. I hate blow jobs.
    I saw your test post...was disappointed I couldn't comment on it.
    19 days! You'd better be able to post from your phone cuz I can't wait that long. Something tells me that there will be stories. Stories that you might forget if you didn't post them right away (see: wine)

  9. blog from your phone? blog from your phone??? oh, teach me teach me..

    yes. I am surprised you waited till they were in bed.
    you know, even the kids know about mommy's "special creamer" for her morning coffee.

    can you believe someone quit talking to me cuz she came over, poured herself a cup, and then poured the creamer...took a sip, and whoa! her phone calls stopped.

    Remember to vote for me today and Friday! I'm only 7 votes behind.

    and I say "al's story on boobs."

  10. Hope you have a great vacation!

    Shane and I have decided to surprise the girls with a trip to Disney World for fall break. His brother and family will also be going... and possibly his mother.

    It's a good thing Disney allows alcohol in their parks, 's all I'm sayin'.

    Oh, and I vote for boobs.

  11. Ooh Ooh I know The Mad Woman. Love her Tuna.

    Realllly hope none of your favorite old farts dies when you're gone. Enjoy, momma. The vaca that is. I'm off on my own little jaunt...hope to unplug for a bit.

    I choose boobs.

  12. Vacations with multiple families and scads of children aren't conceived for relaxation in my experience. Sounds like fun, though you might need a vacay from the vacay afterward. :)


  13. OMG, Momma said she loves my tuna!

    True story, came home, no kid, no inlaws, walked into the kitchen to open a bottle of wine (which I am finishing by myself and the kid is NOT in bed) and the first thing I heard was my cat chucking up his lunch. I know, that story made your day!

    So jealous of the 19 days and yes I imagined jazz hands. Sometimes I think you live in my brain.

    LOVE the kids' spells.

    I could make 13 comments! Thanks for the link love!

    I vote boobs, unless you're giving a tutorial then I'm calling BJs! I'll get my notepad and a bowl of popcorn.

    I should stop down.


  14. what the hell do i have to do to get 19 days off in a row?

    Oh and it is his birthday why can't we have both stories?

    hubby doesn't think I am important enough to have a phone cool enough to post from

  15. Are you attending BlogHer? Also, is your hot ass on Twitter? Your tweets would be GOLD.

  16. Boobs, cuz they make a fuck of a lot more sense.

  17. Blow Job!
    Have a great vacation.

  18. Blow Jobs!

    Have a great vacation. I am very jealous.

    Am loving that website!

  19. I am soooooo doing "jazz hands" with my last breath!

  20. Boobs AND blow-jobs!! Something for everyone! Please, please, please!


  21. Boobs AND blow-jobs!! Something for everyone! Please, please, please!


  22. #10 made me crack freakin up! Pecker Tronem hahahaha

    and on that note...i choose blow jobs for the upcoming story

  23. Boobs. I'm jewish and we don't do blow jobs once we're married. Fact.

    Thanks for the shout out. When you think of replacing mundane words with FUCK, think of me! Glad I was able to bring you some pleasure :) Hope everyone else appreciates, too

    oh, and 19 days? Holy fuck! Enjoy it, sista!

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  25. YAY to the no cost car repair. Those are the best! and enjoy the vacation! 19 days off sounds like heaven!

  26. Have you seen the wine glass that holds an entire bottle? I think you need one of those.

  27. I vote boobs. Everyone can enjoy boobs. Blow jobs? Really only the person receiving.

    And if he had said, "Pecker Trojan" that would have been a magical thing. Can you imagine that spell? The end to teenage pregnancy right there.

  28. ooooh, vacation! i am about to go on vacation too!

    may yours be more relaxing than you anticipate, and may the wine FLOW!!!!

    p.s. glad your car is going to be ok! eeeeeeee!!!

  29. Re: 4/12: Yes, totally.

    I vote boobs.

    I just got back from a "vacation" (and those are some BIG effing air quotes around that word there) visit to my family down in Jersey. Five days at my childhood home with my now-certifiably-batshit-crazy mother, her always-has-been-batshit-crazy standard poodle, my two sisters and their five children, which plus my one equals six children aged 7 through 1. Hence the air quotes because I'm home now and more exhausted than I was before I left. (The fact that my batshit crazy mom is also getting hard of hearing and watches the Fox News channel on a volume level that I'm positive Owen could hear without his hearing aids in 24 hours a day didn't help matters, either.)

    So, all that being said - enjoy your vacation and just be glad my family isn't part of it! :-D

  30. Have an awesome vacy!
    Althought I am really not into other peoples kids so I could never sign up for hanging with em-
    Um disagree with Dani G-
    And blow jobs are so much more fun then boobs-

  31. Sherri: I drink not the cheapest but a not very expensive Pinot Grigio... If money were no object I would be drinking Vally Of The Moon Pinot Blanc by the gallon.

    Lauren: No way in fucking Hell I'm attending BlogHer anytime soon. Or ever. And I actually DO have a Twitter account. I've Tweeted exactly once. If you try, you just might find me.

    Everyone Else: Boobs for the Win. Blow Jobs will have to wait for our anniversary in August. Thanks for voting!!!

    Post will be up at midnight!

  32. Hi. I mostly lurk on your blog. My name is Lisa. I was wondering what you thought of this blog post:

  33. So funny I read this post today, a friend of mine, earlier today, on facebook posted that her little boy was playing Harry Potter and chasing her around the house and instead of shouting "stupify" at her he was shouting "supervise!". I thought it was fucking hilarious!


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