Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Talkin' About Cute Beavers, Dead Birds, And Imaginary Musical Chipmunks.

randomtuesday



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Chatting with Bea about  previous day's trip to zoo:

Bea:  "I like the beavers."

Me:  "Yes, they were very cute."

Bea:  "Boys like beavers."

Me: *tee hee* "Yes they do."

Bea:  "Boys like to pet beavers"

Me:  *tee hee hee* "Yup, they sure do."

Bea: "Girls like beavers too."

Me:  "Some girls love beavers."

Bea:  "Mommy?  Why are you laughing?"

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Me getting ready to wash kitchen floor and calling for damn dog to come in:

Put one rug outside and call for dog;

"Olive!!"

Put second rug outside;

"OLIVE!!!"

Put trash can outside;

"OLIVE!! GET. IN. HERE!!!  Oh, there you are you rotten fucking -  BLAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

My screams echoing off the trees.

Followed by my screaming laughter echoing off the trees.

*******

Preparing dead bird which Olive had dropped at my feet for burial in empty swiffer cloth container:

Bea: "Why is it not saying chirp?"

Owen: "It dead. Dead not chirp."

Bea:  "Why it be dead?  Olive make it be dead?  Why it not flying up to the sky?"

Owen: "Dead not fly either Sweetie."

*******

In car, windows open, CD playing loudly, some dumb prick tries to me cut off.

Me: *whispering* "What the fuck is he doing?"

Bea (in squeaky Muppet who just sucked down helium balloon voice):  "What the fuck is he doing Mommy?"

I whispered it. Pinky swear.

And I didn't laugh.

Pinky swear.

*******

In car, my boyfriend's CD playing:

Bea:  "I wrote this song."

Me:  "You did, did you?"

Bea:  "Yup! Me and my friend Chipmunk, his name Chipmonkey, we wrote it together when I was a big kid, on my pink computer."

Me:  "Does Chipmonkey wear a fedora?"

Bea:  "Huh?"
*******

After kids devour meal that I'd painstakingly prepared:

Owen: *signs* "Thank You."

Me:  "You're welcome Sweetie.  Bea?  Do you have something to say to Mommy?"

Bea:  *Pfffffffft*

Me:  "Really?"

Bea:  "Owen signed Thank You.  I farted Thank You."

I shit you not people.

*******

More Random at UnMom

37 comments:

  1. bahahahahha!

    If I ever come to dinner, I promise I'll fart. appreciately, that is.

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  2. super funny- I wish I wrote this kind of stuff down when my kids say funny things but I never did and it seems too late now- I will just have to read your Funny Words!

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  3. Muppet Girl is the cutest and sweetest creature ever. But It dead. Dead not chirp is freaking gold.

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  4. Have I ever mentioned how much I love that *Owen* calls *Bea* "Sweetie"?

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  5. Awesome. Almost makes me want to have kids, just to hear the things that come out of their mouths. In the meantime, I'll live vicariously through you and yours. Thanks!

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  6. Any sentence is made funnier with the word beaver. Hee hee. Beaver.
    I can stop swearing anywhere but the car. It is just not possible.
    "I farted thank you"...can I use that? "I farted fuck you" could be good too. It really works with anything.

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  7. LOL at the beaver conversation. That's awesome.

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  8. Your randomness is so randomly funny!! I am still chuckling!! The "beaver" conversation cracked me up as did the repeating of what mommy says!!! Ha!
    Great random!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  9. OMG, that was one of the best and funniest posts I have read in a long time! Love it.

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  10. You have two of the most hysterical children in the world. :)

    Hope you had a nice weekend!

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  11. Love these conversations and I love it even more that you are writing them down. They will make for good black mail stories durng the dating years! Revenge! Sweet revenge!

    Happy Tuesday!

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  12. Your children rock!

    (And you ain't so bad yourself - pinky swear!)

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  13. Heh. Beaver.

    That is some wild talent Bea has there. Make sure she gets it on her resume.

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  14. OMG! I nearly snorted my coffee thru my nose.

    If I had the beaver convo w/ my daughter my husband would beat my butt!

    Did Bea write your BF's song Butterfly? Hmmmm?!?!?!?!

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  15. farting and beavers, there's really nothing better.
    i have this lil journal for each kid, and as they're getting older I write some some of the shit they say. (If I remember). They're going to thank me one day, right?

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  16. There are many ways to say thank you and this one *ppfffttt* is by far the most hilarious!

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  17. OMGosh that was hilarious. A farted thank you has got to be a first. I really have no idea how you don't laugh at their comments. You're a better woman than me!!!!

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  18. I'm following along now. I need more humor in my life! Thanks for the laughs.

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  19. And to think, some kids think burping the alphabet is an accomplishment. Bea is way ahead of them.

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  20. it is already time for BEAVER TALK!?!??! wow! :)

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  21. I FARTED thank you? That is sheer brilliance.

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  22. LOVE the last conversation!!!

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  23. whatever you laughed and you know it! Abby repeated daddy once when he said "watch it dumbass" it was great.

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  24. "Dead Not Fly Either, Sweetie"
    GREAT name for a blog.

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  25. You are such a bad mommy

    xoxoxo

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  26. Print & put in their baby books please!!! These will be priceless come time to date in a few years! :-)

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  27. "I farted thank-you."
    Pure poetry.

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  28. your kids are the best! I love the "dead dont fly" comment!

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  29. You and your kinds are the most fun ever.

    Yesterday 21 year old daughter was driving me to the dentist. A car cut her off and I leaned over and honked her horn for her cause she is way too nice.

    She did not appreciate it much.

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  30. I think farting Thank You is expected in some cultures. :)

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  31. you know, in some cultures - burping and farting are completely acceptable.

    You should run a class on how to speak 'fart' for the uncouth traveller.

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  32. you really CAN'T make this shit up. Thanks for the giggles. LOL

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  33. Just think--by the time she's in high school she will be completely over cuss words of any kind--she'll be cussing in French or something.

    My brother used to claim to have done stuff "when he was bigger." At the time I felt certain that was a sign that he was really not smart.

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  34. This makes me think of when my husband called some asshole who cut him off "fucking stupid" and our then 4-year-old piped up and said "Daddy it's not *nice* to say fucking stupid, you really shouldn't *say* fucking stupid because it's not nice to say fucking stupid."

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  35. I'm not sure which one was funnier...
    Bea and beavers, Bea saying fuck or Bea farting thank you. I heart her.

    A few nights ago my niece had a bad poop and she said her butt threw up. LOL

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Use Your Words.