Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Talkin' About Cute Beavers, Dead Birds, And Imaginary Musical Chipmunks.



Chatting with Bea about  previous day's trip to zoo:

Bea:  "I like the beavers."

Me:  "Yes, they were very cute."

Bea:  "Boys like beavers."

Me: *tee hee* "Yes they do."

Bea:  "Boys like to pet beavers"

Me:  *tee hee hee* "Yup, they sure do."

Bea: "Girls like beavers too."

Me:  "Some girls love beavers."

Bea:  "Mommy?  Why are you laughing?"


Me getting ready to wash kitchen floor and calling for damn dog to come in:

Put one rug outside and call for dog;


Put second rug outside;


Put trash can outside;

"OLIVE!! GET. IN. HERE!!!  Oh, there you are you rotten fucking -  BLAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

My screams echoing off the trees.

Followed by my screaming laughter echoing off the trees.


Preparing dead bird which Olive had dropped at my feet for burial in empty swiffer cloth container:

Bea: "Why is it not saying chirp?"

Owen: "It dead. Dead not chirp."

Bea:  "Why it be dead?  Olive make it be dead?  Why it not flying up to the sky?"

Owen: "Dead not fly either Sweetie."


In car, windows open, CD playing loudly, some dumb prick tries to me cut off.

Me: *whispering* "What the fuck is he doing?"

Bea (in squeaky Muppet who just sucked down helium balloon voice):  "What the fuck is he doing Mommy?"

I whispered it. Pinky swear.

And I didn't laugh.

Pinky swear.


In car, my boyfriend's CD playing:

Bea:  "I wrote this song."

Me:  "You did, did you?"

Bea:  "Yup! Me and my friend Chipmunk, his name Chipmonkey, we wrote it together when I was a big kid, on my pink computer."

Me:  "Does Chipmonkey wear a fedora?"

Bea:  "Huh?"

After kids devour meal that I'd painstakingly prepared:

Owen: *signs* "Thank You."

Me:  "You're welcome Sweetie.  Bea?  Do you have something to say to Mommy?"

Bea:  *Pfffffffft*

Me:  "Really?"

Bea:  "Owen signed Thank You.  I farted Thank You."

I shit you not people.


More Random at UnMom


  1. bahahahahha!

    If I ever come to dinner, I promise I'll fart. appreciately, that is.

  2. super funny- I wish I wrote this kind of stuff down when my kids say funny things but I never did and it seems too late now- I will just have to read your Funny Words!

  3. Muppet Girl is the cutest and sweetest creature ever. But It dead. Dead not chirp is freaking gold.

  4. Have I ever mentioned how much I love that *Owen* calls *Bea* "Sweetie"?

  5. Awesome. Almost makes me want to have kids, just to hear the things that come out of their mouths. In the meantime, I'll live vicariously through you and yours. Thanks!

  6. Any sentence is made funnier with the word beaver. Hee hee. Beaver.
    I can stop swearing anywhere but the car. It is just not possible.
    "I farted thank you"...can I use that? "I farted fuck you" could be good too. It really works with anything.

  7. LOL at the beaver conversation. That's awesome.

  8. Your randomness is so randomly funny!! I am still chuckling!! The "beaver" conversation cracked me up as did the repeating of what mommy says!!! Ha!
    Great random!

  9. OMG, that was one of the best and funniest posts I have read in a long time! Love it.

  10. You have two of the most hysterical children in the world. :)

    Hope you had a nice weekend!

  11. Love these conversations and I love it even more that you are writing them down. They will make for good black mail stories durng the dating years! Revenge! Sweet revenge!

    Happy Tuesday!

  12. Your children rock!

    (And you ain't so bad yourself - pinky swear!)

  13. Heh. Beaver.

    That is some wild talent Bea has there. Make sure she gets it on her resume.

  14. OMG! I nearly snorted my coffee thru my nose.

    If I had the beaver convo w/ my daughter my husband would beat my butt!

    Did Bea write your BF's song Butterfly? Hmmmm?!?!?!?!

  15. farting and beavers, there's really nothing better.
    i have this lil journal for each kid, and as they're getting older I write some some of the shit they say. (If I remember). They're going to thank me one day, right?

  16. There are many ways to say thank you and this one *ppfffttt* is by far the most hilarious!

  17. OMGosh that was hilarious. A farted thank you has got to be a first. I really have no idea how you don't laugh at their comments. You're a better woman than me!!!!

  18. I'm following along now. I need more humor in my life! Thanks for the laughs.

  19. And to think, some kids think burping the alphabet is an accomplishment. Bea is way ahead of them.

  20. it is already time for BEAVER TALK!?!??! wow! :)

  21. I FARTED thank you? That is sheer brilliance.

  22. LOVE the last conversation!!!

  23. whatever you laughed and you know it! Abby repeated daddy once when he said "watch it dumbass" it was great.

  24. "Dead Not Fly Either, Sweetie"
    GREAT name for a blog.

  25. You are such a bad mommy


  26. Print & put in their baby books please!!! These will be priceless come time to date in a few years! :-)

  27. "I farted thank-you."
    Pure poetry.

  28. your kids are the best! I love the "dead dont fly" comment!

  29. You and your kinds are the most fun ever.

    Yesterday 21 year old daughter was driving me to the dentist. A car cut her off and I leaned over and honked her horn for her cause she is way too nice.

    She did not appreciate it much.

  30. I think farting Thank You is expected in some cultures. :)

  31. you know, in some cultures - burping and farting are completely acceptable.

    You should run a class on how to speak 'fart' for the uncouth traveller.

  32. you really CAN'T make this shit up. Thanks for the giggles. LOL

  33. Just think--by the time she's in high school she will be completely over cuss words of any kind--she'll be cussing in French or something.

    My brother used to claim to have done stuff "when he was bigger." At the time I felt certain that was a sign that he was really not smart.

  34. The things they come up with!

  35. This makes me think of when my husband called some asshole who cut him off "fucking stupid" and our then 4-year-old piped up and said "Daddy it's not *nice* to say fucking stupid, you really shouldn't *say* fucking stupid because it's not nice to say fucking stupid."

  36. I'm not sure which one was funnier...
    Bea and beavers, Bea saying fuck or Bea farting thank you. I heart her.

    A few nights ago my niece had a bad poop and she said her butt threw up. LOL


Use Your Words.