Team Edward: Team NAKED Edward.

So.

My dirty little secret? The answer to Sherri's question; "What am I reading?"

Well.

You know the Twilight books?

Yeah, you probably hate them because it is literary cheese doodles written by a prudish Mormon and you associate it with obnoxious tweens who march around in Team Vampire or Team Werewolf shirts and squee at the mention of the name Cullen.

Right?

Well.

I liked the books. They provided a nice little escape from the poop and pee and whining and crying that filled my life.

And Edward is sort of dreamy.

But. If you did read them, you got to the last book, after the wedding, on the beautiful secluded island, where our beloved main characters are finally going to get it on.

You're cheering for Edward's raging case of frigid blue balls to finally *ahem* come to an end. One minute they're all naked in the ocean and the next thing you know - It's the next morning. You checked to see if there were pages missing right?

Ummmm Hello? This guy's been a virgin for 108 years and we're deprived of his epic first piece of ass?

Not cool.

Well. There are a lot of talented women, writers even, with skills beyond those of Ms. Meyer who also thought this was uncool. These women filled in the blanks. The dirty ones.

Yup.

When I read my first story, I didn't know that FanFiction was notoriously lame. Well, apparently it isn't always lame. In fact, this one trumps Twilight on all fronts; depth of characters, compelling plot line, angst, suspense, and naughty naughty business.

Edward is human, deeply flawed, kind of a dick, and so hot.

Bella is tragic, smart, and actually likable.

So.

You want Edward to smoke and drink and say Fuck?

How about Edward covered in tattoos and piercings (and I mean covered)?

Dominant Edward is a tasty treat.

Cheese doodles this stuff is not. Not lobster either.

But.

How much fun would it be to lick hot fudge off of this guy?

Wicked fun.