Thursday, January 5, 2012

On Exploding of Furnaces and Silliness of Universe.

The week before Christmas:


Cleaning of house.


Cleaning of house.

Wrapping of presents.

Cleaning of house.

Baking of treats.

Cleaning of house.


Putting together of teacher/physical therapist/occupational therapist/speech therapist/interpreter/aides/ASL teacher/bus drivers - I've surely forgotten someone's - Goodie bags.

Cleaning of house.


Cleaning of house.

Attending of parties.

Cleaning of house. *I have a problem.*


Day before Christmas Eve:

Prepping of meal for next day's party.

Keeping children's heads from exploding with anticipatory excitement.

Eating of Chinese food as kitchen must remain clean, and fridge is stocked with nothing but treats and other party provisions.

Christmas Eve:

Heads of children reaching maximum capacity, explosions imminent.

Al and I artfully dancing around each other as we get ready to prep and cook and cook and prep for party of 30ish people in smallish house.

Upstairs fridge full.  Al takes beer to downstairs fridge.  You know the one? The one in the cellar?  Near the furnace?

The furnace which is spewing water all over the basement.

On Christmas Eve.

Of course. 

(Two years ago?  Owen opened EVERYONE'S presents in the middle of the night thus ruining Christmas.  Last year?  He was so sick he lay around like a limp rag barely able to have the littlest bit of fun and came *this close* to landing in the hospital, thus ruining Christmas.  Considered going far away next year?  But plane would surely crash.)

Call to furnace guy, who's nice enough to arrive in a half hour.  To tell us that the furnace is all the way dead, but he'd be happy to get us a new one.  For only $4500!  And sometime the next week.

We have neither $4500 nor til next week.

Wringing of hands and saying of very bad words.

And not letting kids know that something has gone horribly awry.

The party will go on.  With fire in fireplace and no hot water.

Friend Sally provides wood to burn and much needed shower.

Sally's husband Mark learns of misfortune and appears on doorstep with $1400;

"I can't take this!"

"I got a huge cash bonus.  You need it more than I do."

"I don't care if you're not a hugger, you're getting hugged."

Somehow don't cry over generosity of friends.

Al knows a guy. Being married to a tradesman?  Win.  They always know a guy.

New furnace not $4500.  Same furnace $2500.  On Monday.

Yay guy!

Party happens.  House overstuffed with people?  Nice and toasty.

Hostess who'd been slaving away for weeks to have perfect party nearly ruined by exploding furnace and who'd made the most delicious batch of white wine sangria?

Totally. Wasted.

People leave. Stockings hung.  Kids tucked in.  Aero bed in front of fire for Mommy and Daddy.


Two hours of sleep before wailing of small child.  Bea heard Al put a log on fire.  Thought it was Santa.  Is scared shitless of Santa.

Spend rest of night 'sleeping' with Bea in her teeny little bed.

Christmas Morning:

Head hurty.  Body achy.  Brain furry.

Children lucky:

Nintendo DS
Lots of other crap.

Mommy and Daddy exchanging of small things only, as plan was to purchase new large fancy TV. 

Plan revised in light of spendiness of new furnace.

More party at cousin's house. More opening of presents. More eating of food. More eating of treats.

No drinking of alcohol.

Monday brings shiny new furnace. Able to pay for furnace thanks to nice friends and fact that we don't care if mortgage gets paid.  It's so not getting paid.

Vacation week.

Kids play and play and fight and play and play some more.

I pick up extra shifts in hopes to recover from furnace hit.

New Year's Eve:

Scheduler fucks up and leaves me off schedule.  Pissed about loss of money for shift.

Tickled to have New Year's Eve off.

Check mail.

Check IN the mail.  For me. $500.  Out of nowhere.  Is long story which starts last summer and ends in my stupidity sending me $500 when I really needed $2500.

Yay stupidity!

Happy New Year!

Work at 3pm.  Hug many old people.

Text from Al regarding stupid fucking fantasy football which has consumed him for the past many months;

"I came in second in my league. Won $1500!  Booyah!!!"

Of course.

Hear Universe giggle.


  1. Oh WOW. Universe for the win.

    Happy New Year!

  2. Yay for the universe! Happy 2012, apparently the year of the windfall monies (when absolutely needed most)!

  3. EPIC.
    PS- I wish every recount of the holidays was in this bullet point format. Would totally shorten the explanation and give more punch to the irony.

  4. happy new year. happy holidays being over.

  5. Wow. Ask and ye shall receive.

    Now you need to clean the house.

  6. I love it when Karma comes back and gives you a hug and not a kick in the ass.

    And this??? This is me smiling for you from here. Yay!

  7. Awesome!

    Things always work out, don't they?!

  8. if anyone i know deserves a univeral payout like that - it's you.

    so glad the world righted itself.

    it was the xmas where all the presents were opened that i fell a little in love with your family.

    i hope your twenty-twelve is spectacular.

  9. Wooh! Okay, that's just crazy karma. Also? I suddenly feel as though I didn't do nearly as much pre-Christmas cleaning as I was suppose to!

  10. That was so much better than a crumpled $20 found in the pocket of your winter coat from last year. Blessed Universe!

  11. Surely, it was all of that pre-Christmas cleaning that lead to the windfall.

    Still, that's a whirlwind of a break . . . yay for shenanigans and the kindness of friends and for fantasy football.

    Boo for furnaces. Always.

  12. Wow!!! $1500! And $500?! That is awesome, awesome, awesome.

    I am glad your Christmas was not ruined. :)

  13. This is one of my fave posts of yours. You had me snickering multiple times. I found you months ago through Cheryl at Mommy Pants.

    Please do post you sangria recipe!

  14. I love you for the white wine sangria.

    And the shenanigans (in small letters).

    And the daughter who's scared shitless of Santa.

    And the fortuitous good fortune. (Is that really really redundant?)

    But it's this that made me want to propose to you (if we weren't both already married):

    "He was so sick he lay around like a limp rag barely able to have the littlest bit of fun."

    No. Not the sick part. That's sad. The part where you conjugated the past tense of the verb "to lie" correctly.

    Tulpen. Will you marry me?

  15. So damn awesome.

    Universe knows who to smile upon.

    'Bout time, is what I thought.

    happy new year, dear Tulpen.

  16. First, I have motherfuckin' missed you! Seriously. Totally slacking on being in touch.
    Second, this is the most wonderful EVER 'summary' post I've read. The cleaning of the kitchen, the *shenanigans*, the incredible friends, the lucky kids.
    Happy New Year, girl! Happy indeed.

  17. I'm so happy for you!!!

    Happy New Year!

  18. I love this post hard. You're awesome. I'm glad the Universe sees fit to reward you thusly. Happy New Year!

  19. Wow - your stars are aligned! Well deserved. Happy New Year :)

  20. This very same thing has just happened to us.
    Not the furnace part.
    But the delivering of the prayed for part.
    So glad Christmas turned out ok.

  21. Wow. That was the best "'twas the night before Christmas...and a few days before that... And new years eve too" story ever! Glad it all worked out.

  22. That is fabulous...The getting the money needed part, not the 'Splody furnace part. Glad things worked out.

  23. LOVE IT! I love the way the world works out sometimes. :) Just the way you needed it to.

    Happy New Year :)

  24. Winning!!!

    Seriously made me giggle today, so untuna like.

  25. Isn't it amazing how things work out when you really think they wont!

    Glad you had an amazing Christmas!

  26. Kinda teary reading this. Sometimes awesome wins.

  27. Excellent news. Still, would have been a lot less stress if the damn furnace hadn't broken, but it sure must feel great to know how much people care about you. That's a good Christmas present.

  28. Well hot damn that is awesome!

  29. yay! So happy everything is going according to the universe- my husband lost his fantasy football league which is many hours of wasted time.

  30. MY head got to nearly exploding with glee reading these bad words!!!

  31. Awesomeness!!! This is just one of those magical things. And the good friend who just handed you his bonus? An angel. Sent by God for all the oldsters you help send his way in comfort.

  32. The universe is funny.

    (But seriously, fantasy football?? *Please* don't tell my husband.)

  33. dude! nothing like unexpected cash influx for unexpected bill! WIN WIN!!!

    and opening everyone's presents before xmas?! wow. owen has (had?) balls!

  34. Happy New Year little miss shenanigans!

  35. Rollercoaster with a happy ending- that's the best kind! Happy New Year and try again next Xmas!

  36. no wonder i kept checking for new posts (you're kind of my favorite, don't tell) and there weren't any. your house was chock full of shenanigans. thank you, universe, for turning our worlds upside down just to show us you can turn them right side up again. show off.


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