Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Let's See What Happens When One Puts 'Gay Porn' In A Post Title.



Sunday at work, one of my favorite little cuties, 97 year old Dolly asked me if she could speak to the other nurse on the floor.  I didn't question why and fetched Pat.

I was curious what Dolly would want of Pat that she didn't want to ask of me.  Pat came out of the room laughing and headed to the locked med room.

She came out with a shot of brandy for Dolly.

Dolly who apparently thinks I'm too sweet, didn't want me thinking bad things about her.  She didn't want me to know she drinks the occasional shot of brandy ( it is on her orders, so of course I did know this).

I popped in on Dolly and assured her that not only do I indulge in the *ahem* occasional drink, but that if I should happen to live to be 97, I'd better still be drinking.

I just love old ladies.


And little girls.

Good friend Jen's daughter Lil told Jen that when she grows up she's going to have three children.

"Yup!  And one of them is going to be Deaf."

"Oh really Lil, and why is that?"

"You knoooooow.  'Cause Owen is Deaf!"


There's  been a lot of blogging about blogging lately. Well, I've seen a lot of it anyway.

A lot of crap about what constitutes a "successful blog".  Advice on how to navigate the intricate web of social media sites, which is apparently necessary for a "successful blog".  Popularity being the strongest indicator of success from what I've read.

Well.  I've always considered myself too cool for the cool kids.  I'm such an ass hole.

So. Reading all of this started to sour me about blogging. Not that I'm thinking about quitting. It all just makes me want to run in the opposite direction.

Dump Twitter.  Fuck Facebook.  Feed BlogFrog to my dog.

And just fucking write.

However,  as Michele would say; The Universe Is Abundant, because just as I was feeling all icky about blogging, I get an email from Robin.  A very nice email.  She took a risk and said some extremely cool things about me.  Things that made the ickiness go away. She also is causing me to cheat on my boyfriend by posting this video.  I love me some adorkable f-bomb dropping Brits.

And she tried to help me fix my defective blog button and I think I killed it.  I'm a dumbass.


I've been wanting a new header, so Sherri,  I think it is time for us to start thinking about a new one.  And by us I mean you as I don't have a creative bone in my body.


I just fucking blogged about blogging.


Al is leaving me.

At the crack o' dawn Friday, he is headed up to Vermont for three days of camping and fishing with two friends.  Just the guys.

I've noticed that he is not exhibiting the proper amount of guilt for;  a: leaving me alone to wrangle the kids for three days and  b: the fact that I've NEVER ditched my family for three whole days.

To make up for his lack of guilt, I've been referring to his trip as the Brokeback Fishing Weekend.

Turns out macho straight guys don't like jokes about their latent homosexuality.  Who knew?

Actually, I'm proud of myself for being so helpful in his preparations for three days in the woods.

I purchased everything on his list, snacks and drinks and such.  I'll make sure that all the clothes he needs are washed and ready to go.

I'll even help him pack.  I know.  Maybe that is too nice.


How else am I gonna slip the lube and gay porn into his bag?


More random at UnMom.


  1. Fuck you and I love you.

    There, I said it.

    I am quite conflicted about the whole self promotion thing since I want my writing to speak for itself. But sitting nicely in my corner spitting out posts isn't going to gain me the title of Empress of the Blogosphere. So I'll do what I must, as distasteful as it may seem.

    Now, whats it going to take to put a shot of tequila on my orders?

    And Brokeback Fishing! priceless! You're fucking awesome, woman.

    Does the use of Fuck in the comments drive traffic to your blog too?

  2. hubby is leaving me for get this a whole week!!! have I ever left for him alone with children for more than a day? NO would he survive me being gone for an entire week HELL NO. I am a little bitter, I may try your idea of gay porn and lube in his suit case and hope he is one of the random checks at the airport:)

  3. Aww come on- You put "Gay Porn" in your title just to get more hits-

    And anyone who has a 'follow' gadget has an ego that needs satisfaction!

    "Turns out macho straight guys don't like jokes about their latent homosexuality. Who knew?"

    So cute what your friends little girl said-

    Dolly sounds cute but I'm intrigued by the fact that you are able to trick a cute little old lady into thinking you are a good girl-

    I ditch my family as often as I can- makes me a better person- you should try it!

  4. I swear under my breath every time PB goes to France. mutter, mutter.

    You have a successful blog if you don't write about dumb krappe and you make me laugh. You're in, no worries.

  5. I so wish that you could somehow record his reaction to finding lube and gay porn in his bag. That would be priceless.

    And sweetie, you are a diamond in the rough and do things your own way.

    That is awesome.

  6. Sooo.... what happened...when you typed 'gay porn' in the title?? haha

    I'm a member of the "too cool for the cool kids" club as well. I knew I liked you. ;)

  7. Bwwahahaahaaaa - Brokeback Fishing.

    Better than a Deliverance reference, right?

    Or did you pack his banjo too?

    (so get you on the blogging about blogging thing, but what if I'm not cool enough to be part of the "too cool for the cool kids" club? Because sister, whether you like it or not, you're cool.)

  8. I just love how 'Mad' cuts absolutely no corners and goes directly to the 'Fuck You!' LMAO

    I would love to know what happens when you put 'gay porn' in your blog title...


  9. I fucking love you! Gay porn and lube! Too cool! Ash is right. You're one of the cool kids and I want to be like you if I ever grow up! Happy RTT

  10. Oh my fucking God. I am laughing so hard and had to read your blog out loud to my coworker. Thanks for the much needed laugh this afternoon.

  11. brokeback fishing! priceless! ah--i'm so not one of the cool kids it's not even fucking funny. why oh why do grownups try to turn everything into a fucking high school lunch table drama? i don't want to be one of the cool kids. dolly sounds cool!

  12. You are a riot! And I have nothing witty to say damn it.

  13. oh the talk about "successful" blogging can be so annoying. and it makes me feel like a huge loser, as i make about $0.00 from blogging. oh well.

    and i agree: FUCK FACEBOOK! god how i hate it! i can't wait for it to DIE!

  14. All the cool moms have Deaf kids, dontcha know?

    Did you really pack that stuff? Would love to be fly on wall. Oh my.

  15. I did get rid of blog frog. just b/c I had too many damn things on my sidebar. i like crackbook, but it is a huge time zapper. I can fix your button for you I think. and lemme know when you are ready to do the header. Or did that mean you are ready?

  16. Aren't old ladies the greatest? I love that she still drinks the occasional shot of brandy. Go Dolly!

    Brokeback Fishing Weekend...priceless!!!

    RTT: Corn Festival & Princess Zelda

  17. Oh man, I am about to get all emotional again! This is just the coolest thing ever. Seriously, thanks so much for your kind words and the shout-out!

  18. I don't spend any time on Facebook, but I'm on Twitter ALL.THE.TIME. I swear, I think I like that more than blogging!

    Dolly sounds awesome ;)

  19. John is leaving me in a few weeks too. Can you send me your stash when Al is done with it? Plain brown bag, of course. :-)

  20. You crack my shit up. Love it

  21. "How else am I gonna slip the lube and gay porn into his bag?"

    OMG, I just love you! Don't care if you promote your blog cuz *I* know where it is...so no, don't EVER quit cuz the little corner of the blogosphere that I read would be much more boring!

  22. Hmmmm.... I'm not on Facebook, never use the twitter and I don't even know what a blog frog is? But you are very funny and I love you despite your being so cool!

  23. My husband and his friends go on a ski vacation every year. They hire a chef to cook for them and everything. Whenever anyone asks where they go, I will say with a straight (ha!) face, "Brokeback Mountain"...only about a third of them get the joke.

    LOVE the little old lady stories! You make me so excited about becoming a nurse! And I need all of the encouragement I can get! I'm going part-time, so it's going to take me FOUR years to do what others do in two (bleh). So thanks for the unintentional encouragement!

  24. Eh yeah. The social media thing is a bit consuming it seems. Facebook is blocked at work -- so is Twitter, although I figured out a way around it. I never want to get on my computer at night after being on it all day at work, so this is it. I blog when I feel like it, and that's that. So I'm not successful, but whatever. It's my outlet.

    On to other things...

    Dolly is awesome. I heart your old people stories. Did I ever tell you that when I get old I want to be one of those cute ladies in hats. I never see crabby old ladies in hats -- just sweet ones. heh.

    LOL! I LOVE that you slipped some lube and gay porn into Al's stuff. That is priceless. Hope he has fun. *wink* *wink*

  25. 25 comments and no pervs who were attracted by gay porn in the title? What's a girl gotta do?

  26. "bromance" and "ManDate" are my two favorite words. My ex actually had a candlelit dinner for two in the garage last year...With my brother-in-law. Pizza beer and NASCAR. Boys.

  27. so the blogging about blogging is fucking funnier than shit. because it's all true. We all want to be read but all the social stuff? exhausting. and really sometimes blogging reminds me of not being asked to prom. We are different because my hubs is in on it and there is the whole showing my ass thing. so basically, we love it but don't want to be all bloggy. if that makes any frickin' sense.

    lol at brokeback fishing. Hopefully he can quit "______".

  28. Oh please oh please oh please be able to sneak the lube and gay porn into Al's bag!

  29. Oh my word, you are hilarious. Hilarious.

    I don't mind people blogging about blogging, but I prefer the writing side of blogging--that's why I'm here.

  30. That made me laugh so much. I want to see their faces when the gay porn falls out of the bag between them and they have to address the issue. Priceless! Maybe you should add a motion-triggered camera so you can see it too!

    About the blogging - I used to be on Twitter and told them when I had a post. Now I don't, and these people don't visit. I'm not sure what to think about that. I suppose it's their prerogative not to have me bookmarked, and I do like their visits when they do come. But it does feel less genuine. Now I don't, though, and my hits are down. Ah well.

    And finally - the gay porn titles worked for me, but only in the sense that I've probably had quite a few randy homosexuals visit and be disappointed.

  31. You did not just blog about blogging!!!

    You know what.

    I have to step up this relationship here.

    I have to talk my husband into paying for text msgs (don't laugh..he runs a tight ship) so I can bother and molest you at work.

    Amongst the old ladies.

    That sounds like fun.

    And you are to cool for school, you know that.

    Look at your cool friends who are the coolest: UnMom, sprite's Keeper, DrollGril, Mama Badger, MommaKiss...so, yeah, you know it.

    And, don't forget, I picked you up at LoveThatMax.

    You were so easy...

    I love that you're sending lube and porn up with JackMcNasty.

    Too naughty...you are so too naughty.


  32. Social Media? I have 238 "friends" who never say anything and only one of 575 tweets has ever been retweeted! Fuck Social Media? Are you kidding? I want revenge!


  33. You are hilarious! And, I agree about the too much about blogging. And, I'm not a joiner. Thanks for stopping by. Glad you did!

  34. Can I just tell you how much I love your blog? I love all your f-bombing and boozing. You write the way I talk after I've been at work all day talking to the fucking crazy dumbasses that call 911 all day with their stupid shit that no one in their right mind even wants to hear about.
    One of these days I'm going to have to start another (secret?) blog where I can write about my crazy callers that won't get shut down by The Man (my bosses). That and a fifth and a glass would be a great way to blow off steam, I'm thinking.

    Rock on.

  35. Tulpen girl, you make me laugh.
    thanks. and have a good weekend!

  36. I talked my son into going to see brokeback with me when he was about 15. I wanted to see it and he was with me and I convinced him it would make him cool to be so non homophobic. to this day he sometimes shakes his head and says, "I can't believe you took me to that movie!"

    Let us all know how the gay porn worked for the macho men ; -)

  37. Under the fairytale dream to your home will


Use Your Words.