Thursday, August 13, 2009

Fuck All Y'all.

37 people per day who insist on turning around in my fucking driveway;

I have kids who sometimes like to play in their driveway. One of them is fucking Deaf. He won't hear you coming. So I am not sorry that your friendly smile and wave is answered with a;

"Not cool! Not fucking cool!!!"

Spoken and angrily signed by me, while pointing at toddler and Deaf kid.

I am so going to Town Hall and requesting a "Deaf Child" sign. I will also request that the fucking thing be placed at the end of my driveway.

12 people who park in front of my house twice a day getting their kids on and off the fucking camp bus;

Believe me, I understand the necessity of summer camp. I don't know what I'd do if Owen's school didn't have a summer program.

I know that since I live on the corner where the bus picks up and drops off the camp kids, that you parents will need park somewhere. I also know that the only options are along the side of my house and across the street. I actually don't give a shit about the grass that you've ruined, and the daily traffic cluster fuck that you cause.

What I don't get is the ass hole who parked IN MY FUCKING DRIVEWAY last week.

How is this ok? And when I asked you to please move because Owen's bus is coming, how is it ok that you made me qualify my request that you NOT PARK IN MY FUCKING DRIVEWAY with your fucking pissy;

"What? Are they coming"

You are in MY fucking driveway douchebag. So sorry that you didn't get here early enough to get a good spot. Drive down the fucking road with your stupid fucking hearing kids, park your fucking minivan in front of someone else's fucking house and walk the fuck down the road.

And a quick fuck you to the idiot who was standing IN my driveway this afternoon when I got home from feeding therapy. I hope when I blared my horn, I woke up that baby in the fucking stroller.

And yes, I let the dog out on purpose. She loves to bark at you people. So if my horn didn't wake up your little troll, I'm sure Olive ruined any nappage.

Medical Supply Company;

Now I know why this New England based company moved it's re-ordering operations to Tennessee this year.

I haven't had many problems with you yet. But this week you royally screwed up.

I gathered up all my pissitude and dialed you up, ready for a fight.

Do you know how hard it is to tell someone off when they listen patiently to your tirade and answer you in the sweetest southern drawl;

"Oh Dear!!! Well bless your heart! I'll be delighted to go ahead and do my best and straighten out this little mess for you. Oh dear, I'm terribly sorry for all your trouble. You take care of that precious child of yours and let me take care of this. Have a good day now, hear??"

Oh. You people are good.

Evil, but good.


ETA: Bonus Fuck You to the ginormous fucking moth that was lurking in the kitchen trash. I swear the fucking thing was as big as my boob. No, BIGGER.  As big as my fucking FIST. It fucking flew in my face when I opened the lid causing me to scream like a fucking girl and piddle in my pants.

1 comment:

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