Tuesday, August 17, 2010

With Things That Make A Butt Itch.

randomtuesday

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Just when I ease up on my Nobody Says Anything Nice About Me policy, all Hell breaks loose.

Sherri nominated me for an award.

Thanks Sherri.

I'd ask you to go vote for me, but that would mean I accept the compliment - and compliments, as Sherri would say, make my butt itch.

Just like the rest of my body right now.  Been itching all over for over a week.  Since the town sprayed for mosquitos.  I suppose the itching is better than having my brain liquified by Triple E.

And my nails are really long right now. Good nails for scratching

Except for my thumbs.  I've been all anxious about Owen's school moving and have bitten my thumbnails.

Up to my elbows.

My elbows that were itching to come crashing down on those little cocksuckers at the playground the other day.

Normally I would have given those Mommies a big chunk of my mind.  But my mind was an anxious, smooshy, quivering, gelatinous mess and I would have ended up crying like a big pussy.

So I waited for them to leave to cry like a big pussy.

I think maybe if Owen didn't "talk funny" he could have gotten hiself some five year old pussy that fateful playground day.

I forgot to mention the little strumpets and their well rehearsed mini whore act they performed for Owen.

The two of them marched up to Owen, and in perfect unison planted their right hands on their jutted out hips, cocked their little heads to the side and informed Owen:

"We're the cutest girls in town."

Yeah, about as cute as a case of genital herpes. 

Which I predict they'll be sporting by the sixth grade.

Now, that'll make a butt itch.

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More Random and less crossing the line talking about five year old pussy at UnMom

28 comments:

  1. I think I have said this many times before, but it is worth repeating. You truly make me laugh out loud!

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  2. Tulpen: you already have me wrapped around your little finger. NO MORE making me fall in love with again.

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  3. you were crying like a little bitch and didn't even take a picture? what is WRONG with you??

    Fucking kids. Kids make my butt itch.

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  4. Reading your post, the words itchy, pussy and whore kind of stood out..... HMMM

    Love Owen - he is a champ.

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  5. Ack. See you tomorrow (fingers crossed).

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  6. GO VOTE FOR CRISTIN PEOPLE> I pissed her off by nominating her, so make it worth my while at least.

    Cristin - I keep thinking about that Owen story. That happens to M. a lot. He can hear them but still doesn't know or get that kids he tries to befriend sometimes are being a-holes. M. is a quirky guy, and not easily accepted sometimes. I know this will be an asset later, b/c he has his own sense of humor and is just a unique guy. But I really cringe when I see jerky kids around my guys. SO hard to watch.

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  7. oops, I meant Tulpen. I just suck.

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  8. Next thing you know those girls will have their own reality show. "The Real Brats of the Playground", and they can ho it up all they like. Because nothing says, "I'm a six year old with insecurity issues" like announcing how damn cute you are.

    Give him time. Owen will make "normal" friends at his new school. And all your whining and being a wuss won't rush him along. Now go have a drink and shut your pie hole.

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  9. that is why I don't take my kids to the park

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  10. Just commented on that post I somehow missed last week.

    Owen will do great at his new school because as shitty as some kids are raised to be, many others are raised RESPONSIBLY and will see the wonderfulness in him and the wonderfulness in his differences.

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  11. I feel your pain. Joey has only been in school for a few weeks and already he's saying "That looks weird". I think some of the other kids are looking at him and saying that about his neck or his brace. It makes me sad. I want to kick the kids who say that.

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  12. Good post! Thank you for telling it well and as it is.

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  13. Like it or not, you should get an award. You are awesome!

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  14. I am fiarly certain I am capable of hurting a child who hurts mine. God help me, I may need bail money. So go win some awards and salt that money away, your internet friends may need to borrow it.

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  15. such hated for two little strumpets. and it is totally justified! sometimes you can just see the hookers in the making. LOL!

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  16. Girls are evil. Ones that think they are cute? Evil incarnate.

    May their butts itch incessantly for the next four decades.

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  17. Oh yeah, those two will be knocked up by 9th grade and on welfare a year later.

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  18. You know I am going to vote for you!

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  19. Lord Almighty, you kill me with this stuff.

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  20. Oh my gosh! You are SO funny. Going to go and vote for you this second.

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  21. Well, your post title sure got my attention!
    Little hussies. Why are parents letting their kids watch Jersey Shore for crying out loud?! ('cause you know they are)

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  22. LOL!! you always crack MY butt up :)

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  23. Bizzotches. I hope that their parents gave them good stripper names like Savannah or Stiletto.

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  24. This post was fabulous!! Best comment ever: "he could have gotten hiself some five year old pussy that fateful playground day." OMG I love you for saying that! I don't know anyone around here that would say anything like that outloud except my best friend who has no cover for her mouth.

    And because of this post it really makes me DIG YOU LIKE AN ITCHY BUTT!!

    That means you're awesome! :0)

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  25. Little girls like that end up with things far more itchy and discharge-ey than herpes.
    Who said there isn't natural justice in this world?
    You crack me up.
    Thanks.

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